Page 9 of Chance's Choice
Both my friends level me with pointed looks before they leave Kade and I to our own devices, quietly pulling the door shut in their wake. I’m not going to get away with brushing them off over this.
“Well, this is embarrassing,” Kade eventually sighs, scrubbing a hand over his face. He leans his head back over the soft, suede couch and stares at the ceiling, his cheeks pink. “Sorry. I mean, for-” he gestures vaguely in the air “-all this. I wasn’t expecting to melt down like that. That’s never happened before.”
I frown, because who hasn’t lost control of their emotions before? Let alone a Little. “Never?”
Kade shakes his head, still resolutely staring upwards. “Nope. Well, I mean, except for after a proper spanking. But I expect to let go then. That’s why I…” He stops abruptly.
The Daddy in me is alert and determined to know more. “Why you what, Kaden?”
He doesn’t wrinkle his nose or scold me for using his actual name like he used to when we were kids. If anything, a tiny half-smile tugs at the corner of his lips.
It takes a few more moments of silence before he exhales and admits, “I go to the clubs specifically for that. For the domestic discipline. To get control of my emotions. To take my punishment and cry it out and make everything better for a little while.”
Something in my chest squeezes tightly at the murmured confession. A couple of tears leak down the sides of his face. With his head tilted back the way it is, they track down into his hairline and ear. He doesn’t move to wipe them off.
I surprise us both when my hand reaches out for the side of his face that I have access to, and my thumb carefully brushes away the remnants.
Kade’s lower lip quivers again, much like it did during our initial confrontation (if you can even call it that), and then he launches across the space between us, burrowing his face in my chest again. He’s not sobbing like he was earlier, though. He’s trembling, and sniffling, but he’s still coherent when he says, “I missed you.”
And just like that, any lingering frustration at our history seems to completely dissolve. I’ve never liked seeing him upset. I bring my arms back around him and answering the only way I can: honestly. “I missed you, too.”
We sit like this for I don’t know how long, until Kade takes a deep breath and rights himself. He looks a mess, with his hair in disarray and his eyes rimmed with red, but he’s lost the tense set of his shoulders and the tremulous smile he offers me is genuine. It’s a glimpse of the boy I’d once loved.
“I really am sorry, Chance,” he says. “I spent the first year or so telling myself I should just man up and call you, but I chickened out every time I got close. And then time went on, and it seemed more and more awkward, and then I just…decided you were better off without hearing from me.”
I don’t like the defeat that enters his voice, or the way he looks down at his lap, where he’s fidgeting with his fingers. He was always the outlandish, confident one of the two of us. Seeing him subdued and broken just feels wrong.
Before I can say anything, though, he’s speaking again, “But then I saw your picture tonight and I couldn’t not bid. It was like a sign, or something, you know?” He looks up at me, his blue eyes startlingly bright and wide. “I mean, what’s the actual likelihood of that happening? I had no idea you were an age play Daddy, or that you had affiliations to The Grove. It’s not like it’s that common a kink.”
“True,” I acknowledge, a bit weirded out by how easy it is to talk to this man, like the past twenty years of radio silence never existed. However, I stopped being angry with Kade years ago, and, yeah, I really have missed him. I didn’t realize how much until I saw him again. Getting comfortable, I ask, “How did you come by age regression?”
Kade chuckles mirthlessly. “You don’t have to do this. Make small talk, I mean.” He shrugs, and offers me another rueful smile, those perfectly pouty lips of his twisting bitterly. I practically can feel the self-deprecation radiating from him. “I appreciate you giving me a chance to apologize. And for…” he waves his hand over his face, “dealing with that whole mess. You’re a good guy, Chance. You always have been, and I’m-”
I’ve had enough. Cutting him off, I bring outDaddy voice. “Kaden, if you apologize one more time, you’re going in the corner.”
His jaw drops. “What?”
“You heard me. You’ve apologized. I’ve accepted your apology. We were kids, Kade. We said stupid shit to each other and didn’t have the emotional or mental maturity to fix it.”
“But-”
“But nothing. Yeah, I was hurt. Yeah, seeing you tonight brought that feeling rushing back in those first few minutes. But I’ve thought about it a little-”
“What?” Kade snorts with disbelief and amusement, a hint of the feistiness I knew so well peeking through, “In the last half hour while I was sobbing all over you?”
I roll my eyes. “Well, yeah?” At his arched eyebrow, I chuckle and continue, “Honestly, I overreacted tonight. And probably when we were kids, too. You taking the job didn’t ruin my life. I’d already broken ties with my dad. I just…” Am I really doing this? Am I really about to make this confession? Twenty fucking years too late? “I loved you, Kade. As my best friend, yeah, but…I wasinlove with you. And when I came out to you, I’d hoped…” I let him fill in the blanks, feeling my cheeks heat up as his jaw goes slack.
Clearing my throat, I steamroll over his whispered, “What?!”
“So, yeah. That’s why I was hurt. But…it’s been twenty years. It’s time to put that shit behind us.”
Chapter Six – Kade
Did my former best friend just tell me he was in love with me?Was-past tense- but still…Holy shit. I know his words should make me feel better, but guilt roils my belly all over again. He was in love with me, and I threw it in his face. Worse still, I struggle against the knowledge that I’d had feelings for him in return. Not for the first time, I wish I’d handled things differently.
Sure, I didn’t know that he had feelings for me at the time, but he’d still come out to me and, instead of supporting him like a best friend should have, I’d panicked and blurted out the deal I’d made with his father only hours earlier.
If I could turn back time…
