Page 18 of Rowan's Renewal
“It is a gorgeous day.”
Aaron snorts. “You sound so disappointed by that.”
Squirming in my seat, I shrug. “I’m not outdoorsy.”
He reaches across the table and takes my hand, giving it a squeeze. “Is that out of choice? Or have you been limiting yourself because of your condition?”
“A bit of both, I think. I’ve been like this,” I gesture vaguely over my body, “since I was nineteen. It’s ingrained now.”
He frowns. “Nineteen. That’s rough.”
“Yeah, well, I’m not dying from prostate cancer, so…”
Sitting back in his seat, Aaron issues a low whistle. “Atnineteen?” he repeats. “That’s so rare.”
“I know. So were the complications from surgery. But lucky me, I got it all.”
“I’m so sorry, Ro.”
I wave him off. “Don’t be. I’m alive, I’m otherwise fully functional. Things could be worse.”
“That might be true, but you’re still allowed to be upset about it. To acknowledge that it’s still unfair.”
Pushing the scraps of my meal around on my plate, I shoot him a little smile. “I appreciate that.” Sitting back, I nudge my plate into the middle of the table. “Honestly, the incontinence wouldn’t be as unbearable if I didn’t also have to deal with the ED. That’s what really ends up being the dealbreaker in most of my relationships. Men take it as an affront that I can’t get hard for them, or on the off chance I do, when I come it’s…kind of anticlimactic.”
“I know you’re not going to just take my word for it, but I’m not like that. I understand it from a medical perspective, which helps, but intimacy doesn’t always have to be about sex, either.”
He’s so earnest as he says it, it makes my stomach flip-flop. “I still get enjoyment out of kissing and frotting and stuff, though. And making my boyfriends come, even if I can’t get it up. But, in the end, most guys I’ve dated seem to think that they can ‘fix’ my ED by being good in bed, and when it doesn’t happen…”
“They get frustrated, and their egos take a hit,” he finishes for me, nodding. “Again, I know this sounds like lip service, but I’m confident in who I am as a lover and as a Daddy. It’s not going to scare me off if I can’t get you hard.”
I really,reallywant to believe him. But he’s right: I’ve heard that spiel before. Still, he’s the first man to actively involve himself with my incontinence struggles, so maybe he’ll be the first to genuinely understand my erectile dysfunction as well.
If he is a figment of a coma fantasy, he definitely will.
“So…” he prods as I try not to chuckle at my silly thoughts. “The beach?”
My stomach flips again, this time with nerves.
“What do you want to do at the beach?”
Aaron’s pearly white teeth glint as he grins. “Well, we can hire all the equipment, right? So…what do you think of hiring a jet ski first, then maybe one of the kayaks?”
I bite my lip. “What if I need togo? I mean, while we’re on the jet ski or kayak?”
“Pee in the ocean or the river,” he says, like it’s a simple solution. “We can even jump overboard to do it.”
“We?”
“I’ll pee in solidarity with you if it helps.”
The flippant response startles a laugh out of me. None of my exes have ever been so casual about it. It’s just one more thing that makes me feel like I’m going to get far too attached to him too soon. As if I’m not already.
“So, what do you say? Want to give some watersports a go?”
I arch an eyebrow, remembering what he said about his kinks yesterday. “Just so we’re on the same page,” I tease, “this time youaretalking about snorkels and stuff?”
His smirk is devilish. “For now, baby. For now.”
