Page 69 of Follow Your Instincts

“Are you kidding? I’m having dinner with the head of the pack I’m trying to… court or whatever. You’re so quiet and intense and intimidating. And smart. And I have no idea what you’re thinking, or what you think of me, and it feels like I should be doing something to impress you, but I have no idea what that could be,” I said in a rush.

Lachlan startled me by letting out a hoarse bark of laughter. “Well,I’mnervous because I’m having dinner with the beautiful, funny, and clever Omega that my entire pack is smitten with. I’ve got a bunch of baggage that I somehow have to tell you about without scaring you completely away. And you’re so gorgeous that it’s distracting me, but that’s nothing new,” he said, almost under his breath.

I stared at him. “You think I’m gorgeous?”

“Of course. How has that not been obvious from the moment we met?”

“I don’t know… it just seemed like I was more of a necessary evil to you. Like, you were putting up with me to make the rest of the pack happy.”

He ran a hand through his hair and sighed. “Well, that’s not ideal.”

“I’m sorry,” I said. “I just didn’t think you thought of me like that.”

Lachlan opened his mouth to respond, but the server came back with small bowls of ravioli in a brown butter sage sauce. He waited until we were alone again to continue.

“I don’t have any excuses for how I’ve behaved in the past weeks, only some explanations. This is not the first pack I’ve been a part of, or the first time I’ve courted an Omega.” He paused, looking down at his lap, before he continued.

“When I was twenty-two, I formed a pack with two other Alphas: Jeremy and Mitch. We were best friends in college, and we had similar goals in life: building businesses and finding our Omega so we could start building a family, too.” He paused again and gulped wine. My stomach sank, while at the same time twisting with jealousy for this other Omega. Who could have let Lachlan go?

“It took a couple of years, but through some of the mixers and events, we met an Omega. Her name was Serafina, Serafor short, and she was… great. Our scents all meshed well together, and we started courting.”

My jealousy deepened.I bet she’s a proper little dainty Omega that also somehow has giant tits, I thought bitterly.

“Things went well. After courting for a couple of months, we made Sera a formal offer to join the pack, and she accepted. It felt like things were falling into place, like everything was perfect.”

Lachlan took a deep breath and I noticed his hands were shaking.

“On our way back from picking up Sera to move her into the pack house, we got in an accident. A semi-truck crossed the line and hit us head-on.”

I pressed a hand over my mouth. The jealousy I’d felt changed to icy dread. I reflexively grabbed Lachlan’s hand.

“Jeremy was driving. Mitch was in the passenger seat. And I was sitting behind him next to Sera. They… didn’t make it.”

He looked up at me, agonized, and I squeezed his hand. “No one?” I asked.

“Just me,” he said quietly.

“Fuck, I’m so sorry, Lachlan,” I whispered. I couldn’t even imagine what that would be like. I had never had that kind of bond with anyone but Kira. To have it taken away, all at once… I felt gutted just thinking about it.

He nodded, mostly to himself, then met my eyes again. “I didn’t think I was ever going to be ready for another pack. But then, five years ago, I realized I was sick of being alone. And I met Lucas and Ben, and reconnected with Soren, and we all fit together. But most Alphas and Omegas in the Northeast know about what happened… back then, so when we started trying to meet Omegas, they wanted nothing to do with us.”

“What? Why? That’s so unfair,” I said.

“Maybe, but it makes sense. Who would want to be with the scarred, cursed Alpha who’s too intimidating and intense?” He smiled sadly at me, belying the bitterness in his tone.

“God, I’m such an asshole,” I said, and tried to pull my handaway from his.

“No, Maggie, you’re not,” he said, gripping my hand tighter. “You’re right. I am intense, but it’s just because I’m trying to hold on to the people I care about. And I’m terrified that if I let myself want you, you’re going to be taken from me too.”

His voice broke and he let go of my hand. He looked down at his untouched bowl of ravioli, and the music playing in the restaurant switched to something jaunty and wholly inappropriate for the situation.

“I don’t even know what to say,” I said after a few moments. “That’s so much to be carrying.”

“I’m sorry for making tonight so heavy. It’s just not fair for you to continue courting us without knowing the whole truth,” he said, still not looking up.

“What, that you’ve got a messed-up past? So do I,” I said earnestly. “Or that you’re afraid of caring about someone in case you lose them? So am I. The only constants in my life up to this point have been Kira and my job. You guys areeverythingI’ve been afraid of wanting.”

The server came with yet another course of food. She must have sensed the dark vibe because she hurried away before even explaining what the dish was.

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