Page List Listen Audio

Font:   

“He’s only doing this because he’s been hurt sosobadly. And he won’t let me help.”

“You know people can only really help themselves.”

“Y-yes. But…he’s hurting me too.”

“And that is truly unforgivable.”

I glanced up and burst out, “I would forgive him. I would forgive himanything. And I know that’s pathetic and doormatty and weak.”

“It sounds the very opposite of those things.”

“I wouldn’t if I thought he was trying to be cruel to me. In some ways I…I kind of wish he was. Then I could hate him. Instead of…” I put a hand to my chest, which was ridiculously melodramatic, but I was half convinced my poor, ragged little heart was going to bleed right out of me. “Feeling like this.”

George was quiet for a moment or two. Then, “The bad will fade in time. And you’ll never forget the good.”

“How do you know?”

“Because, poppet”—she gave me one of her wryest looks—“I’ve been there, done that.”

“Really? When?”

“A long time ago in a galaxy far, far away.”

As rebuffs went, it was pretty gentle. But unfortunately, it just reminded me of Caspian, and I started sniffling helplessly again.

“At least,” she went on, “New York in the eighties, which amounts to the same thing. She was my first in, oh, very many things. The other half of my soul.”

“I didn’t mean to pry.”

She shrugged. “It’s not exactly a secret.”

“What happened?”

“She’s irredeemably straight. And now my best friend.”

“Wow, I…” I wasn’t sure what to say. “Is that okay?”

“As five very wise young ladies once implied, zig-a-zig-ah is transitory. But friendship never ends.”

About ten seconds ago I’d been about to die of sorrow. Now I gave a surprised, watery giggle.

George’s expression grew a little wistful. “We became, in the end, an impossible choice to each other. But I, at least, have no regrets.”

“Does she?”

“As far as I know, she’s never regretted anything her entire life.”

We fell silent. I picked over the ruins of my muffin, shocked to find myself aching but approaching human. And sufficiently recovered to be embarrassed at having cried my eyes out in Starbucks. Really loudly. In front of George. “Sorry for…being like this.”

“No need to apologise. I’ve always got time for a pretty boy in tears.”

I managed a messed-up smile. “I’m such an idiot.”

She tilted her head slightly. “How so?”

“Just, y’know, falling apart because of Caspian.Again.”

“If it’s any consolation, you were magnificent in his office.”