Page 1 of Generally Hospitable
CHAPTER ONE
Fightingfor my own life was difficult enough. Fighting for the entire population of the world as we knew it—human and supernatural—was unimaginable. Welcome to my recently acquired normal. Failure wasn’t an option. However, it was anyone’s guess if what we were about to do could succeed. As the newly minted Goddess of the Darkness, I’d been busy. Longing for the good old days, I shut my eyes for a hot sec. Being an over-the-hill former child actress trying to make a comeback in Hollyweird now seemed like a piece of cake. Saving the universe? Umm… not as easy.
“I can do this,” I muttered as hundreds of Demons charged at me.
“Well, I certainly hope so, dumbass,” Pandora, my frenemy and partner in all things Demon, snapped.
As tempting as it would have been to wiggle my fingers and render the nasty woman bald, I didn’t have time. I’d save it for later. Gave me something to look forward to…
“On my mark… get set. Go!” I hissed, more to myself than anyone present.
Popping eight hundred evil Demons in one fell swoop with magic wasn’t a walk in the park. It also didn’t work. I only tookout about five hundred. Impressive, but not the result I was going for. The green goo of the slain was oozing everywhere—including my hair and my clothes. If I thought about it too hard, I’d hurl. The scent of sulfur was almost debilitating. Any other day, it would have made me pass out. This was not just another day. It was the day that would determine the rest of the days for eternity. Passing out or puking was not on the schedule.
The scream that left my lips before I popped the bastards had come from the bottom of my gut and had shocked even me. Pandora had jumped a foot into the air when the sound rocketed out of my mouth, then played it off as if it was nothing. If it hadn’t been so frustrating that I hadn’t met my goal, I would have laughed at her jump-scare reaction. However, having the three hundred remaining irate flaming assholes charging at us meant there wasn’t a moment to waste for any kind of levity.
“My people. NOW,” I bellowed.
Like a perfect and deadly symphony, my loyal Demons stampeded from the tree line surrounding the castle like demonic avenging Angels. It was an oxymoron, but I stood by my description. The remaining three hundred bad dudes didn’t stand a chance against my three thousand strong. It was no surprise to me that Fifi led the assault, lobbing grenades left and right. My self-proclaimed Succubus bodyguard defined the term batshit-badass.
“Go, go, go,” Abaddon—the man who I loved more than words could describe—shouted over the sound of clashing swords and screams. “Cecily. Pandora. Take the opening. We can make it to the castle.”
He was right. My Demons had formed a path leading to the ornate front door of my castle that would put us exactly where we wanted to be. Tiny—who was anything but—had dropped back and joined the fight. The Demon was excellent in battle, but had sketchy self-preservation skills in real life. Tiny hadsuccessfully asked Pandora out on a date. If he lived past today, I was wildly unsure if he would make it through a dinner with the nightmare of a woman.
Not my problem. My problem was in front of me.
It was Abaddon, Pandora and me going in—three of the most powerful Demons alive. The false god, Chub Chub Wang as my people had nicknamed him, had no clue what or who was coming for him, but he was about to find out.
“Throw a fireball at the door, Stinky Whore,” I insisted to Pandora as we wove our way through the masses toward the endgame. “Five bucks says it’s locked and bolted. I didn’t bring a key.”
“Five million says you’re correct, Bitch,” she replied as she clapped her hands and created a blazing orb of fire.
She might have missed when she was trying to off me, but she certainly didn’t miss the door. It exploded on impact when hit. Shards of wood and metal flew like a detonated shrapnel grenade. I put my hands over my head for protection and continued sprinting to the charred-out opening.
“There will be guards inside,” Pandora huffed out as she ran by my side. “Keep your eyes open and kill anything that moves.”
“Right,” I said. “Just don’t decapitate Irma, Jonny, Moon, Stella or Corny. Got it?”
“You really think they’re still alive?” she asked, ducking a flying beam.
I didn’t answer her. I had doubts but didn’t want to voice them. All I could do was hope… and I was hoping really hard.
We’d reached our first goal. The opening was still on fire, but there was room to squeeze through.
“Motherfucker,” Abaddon bellowed in frustration when he was magically thrown back as he tried to enter the castle. “It won’t let me in.”
His eyes blazed red, and his fury was hotter than the fireball Pandora had thrown. If glares could destroy, the entire castle should have disintegrated to dust. That wasn’t the case. A game was being played by Chub Chub Wang. The Goddesses of the Darkness were the only two who were able to pass over the threshold. Even the evil guards who’d bypassed my people were thrown back like Abaddon.
Pandora was breathing like a rabid dog. “That bastard wants us to play? Fine. We fucking play.”
I turned to Abaddon and blew him a kiss. His fury had not abated, but he returned the gesture. It was terrifying but somehow fitting. The two rightful Goddesses of the Darkness had to be the ones who took the false God down. It didn’t matter if I liked it. It didn’t matter if Pandora liked it. It was what it was.
The minute we entered the grand foyer, the screams from the battle outside disappeared. Pandora’s alarmed gaze shot to mine. We could still see the battle raging through the broken door, but the soundtrack had been silenced.
“What the actual hell?” Pandora whispered, pulling on her fire sword and glancing around cautiously. “I think Chub Chub Wang is more powerful than originally thought to be.”
“Word,” I said softly, pulling on my own fire swords. I had grenades that would probably be useless other than buying time in my back pockets. The toothpicks that would protect us from the death magic were in my front pocket. I had both Cher’s and Fifi’s boxes with me as well. I had a bad feeling we would need them.
“Precautionary pick,” Pandora ordered, pulling out a toothpick and clamping it between her teeth.
