Page 16 of Only This Once
He stood and followed her to the door. After she pulled it open, she paused, staring into his eyes. Her hand released the door, and it slid shut while she measured from her head to his, bumping his forehead before ruffling his curls there.
“Dammit, you’re an inch taller,” she muttered, turning and jerking the door open again.
Jesse swallowed his laugh. He’d been relieved by that inch. Five foot eight was an inch below average, in the US anyway, but still respectable. Besides, he liked being able to look Julia in the eye. For a while, he’d looked up to her, in more ways than one.
He really didn’t need her to explain the gossip. Whatever had happened, it wasn’t Julia’s fault. Maybe she’d made an honest mistake, but he doubted she’d intentionally hurt anyone. Julia wasn’t like that.
She glanced around the parking lot as they approached the side of the building. “Which one is you?”
He pointed toward the orange Jeep. Phoebe had hassled him about the color, but he liked how bright it was.
Julia smiled. “I should have guessed. Can we sit in there and talk?”
The last time they’d sat in a vehicle together, he’d cried all over her. Jesse pushed the memory down. This wasn’t about him or his problems. Julia wanted to talk. He walked around to open the passenger door for her.
Julia stared at the open door before letting out a snort. “I bet the women you date like this kind of treatment.” She hopped inside, and he tried to will away the heat in his cheeks while he made sure not to catch her leg in the door.
Sure, there’d been a few passengers in his Jeep, but they hadn’t been dates. He wondered what she’d say if he admitted he’d never dated. Charles was the only one who knew how badly he struggled with even the idea of it.
He climbed in beside her, cranking on the engine so the vents would blow. His recent self-help audiobook started playing, and he snapped it off, accepting the fact that his skin was going to stay perpetually red around her. Being with his sister’s best friend had always been a mixture of nerves and comfort. The years hadn’t changed that at all.
“This is harder than I thought.” Julia fiddled with the direction of the vent before pulling her hand back. “I guess I haven’t really talked about it since most people knew already.”
“You don’t have to tell me,” he offered again.
Her lips firmed before parting. “No. You deserve to know why hanging around me might affect your reputation at the hospital.”
“You think that’ll change things for me?” Jesse shook his head. “I’m not going to avoid you, Jules, no matter what people might say. I know you. It doesn’t matter what they think. I’m on your side.”
Her eyes narrowed as if she didn’t believe him.
“Why are you surprised? We’re friends.”
“It’s been years. The few times you were in town, it seemed like you were avoiding me.” She bit her lip, looking away.
“That wasn’t because of you. You’re great.” She was everything, but he swallowed those words. “It was all me. I’m a mess sometimes.”
“You’re not a mess. I—” Her words broke off as she stared out the windshield. “I did it wrong. That night after the party, you were hurting. I’m not great at comforting people. I should have done more.”
“No!” His eyes burned. He couldn’t cry again. “No, Jules. You helped me a lot that night. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“Something happened, though, didn’t it?”
She stared at him with that gaze he loved. The one that made him her whole focus.
“I—” His throat felt too tight. He’d never told anyone the details of that night, not completely. He couldn’t do it now. “We didn’t come here to talk about me.”
Julia winced, and he felt like shit. She lifted her hand to rub at her forehead. “You’re right. Sorry.”
“Don’t be sorry.” He reached over, touching her arm lightly. “You’ve always been there for me.” He pulled away when she looked at him again. “Let me be there for you.”
Her lips twisted. “There’s nothing to really be there for. I fucked the wrong person, and it all went to hell.”
Jesse’s chest squeezed, and he bit his cheek. He’d seen her with a lot of guys even as a teenager and had hated it. He hadn’t hated that she was sexual, not exactly. He’d just wanted her to be with him, but she’d never seen him that way.
Hearing her talk about fucking someone else returned the same envious feeling.
She pressed the side of her face against the seat back as she met his eyes. “I’m casual about that kind of thing, but then you know that. I never hid it. If I had an itch to scratch, I foundsomeone to scratch it.” Lines formed near her mouth. “Now, I wonder how many times I slept with a married man.”
