Page 26 of Only This Once
He hadn’t lied to her. Trust was a big issue for him and often held him back from dating, but there was another reason he didn’t date. The conversation he still had to have was a hurdle he’d never been able to overcome. Saying the words felt like it would make it real, even though he’d been living with the reality of it for four years.
Julia didn’t judge. She was the most trustworthy person he’d ever known. If he couldn’t even tell her, who would he ever be able to tell?
He parked in his mother’s driveway, letting the Jeep idle.
Julia didn’t reach for the door handle. Her head lay on the headrest, turned toward him. “You’ve been quiet.”
Inside his head, he wasn’t quiet at all. “Sorry,” he mumbled.
“No, it’s fine. I’m sorry if I overwhelmed you. And if you already know your answer is no, you can say it. I won’t be mad.Nothing will change. We’ll still be friends and hang out, and I’ll still be glad you’re back. I promise, I can handle rejection, Jinx. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea.”
“It’s not you.” His eyes met hers. He’d always loved the color. The green was sharp and brilliant, just like her. “I’ve always thought you were great.”
“So, you’re not a no? You want to think about it?”
She was giving him an out. He should take it, say he’d decided it wasn’t a good idea, but it was Julia. She already knew more than he’d told anyone, even Charles. What would it feel like to have a person in his life who knew everything?
Jesse licked his lips before parting them. “I really want to. I want to be with you, but I shouldn’t. It’s not safe.”
“You’ll be safe with me, Jinx. I’ll check in every step of the way, and I’ll listen at any point if you change your mind.”
“No, that’s not what I meant. It’s not safe for you. I—” He swallowed the spit that had warmed in his mouth. “I have herpes.”
The word lingered in the air around them, sounding as horrible as he’d always dreaded it would sound.
Julia grew still beside him. She pulled in a breath. “Oh, Jinx…”
His eyes warmed from the pity in her voice. He closed them. “That time, no protection was used. I guess she was on birth control—God, I hope she was—but it wasn’t like I had a chance to… to bring up using a condom.”
“For fuck’s sake!”
Jesse flinched, but then her hands were on his face, firm as she turned him toward her. The breath punched out of his lungs as he stared into her furious expression.
“This isn’t your fault! This was done to you!” Her eyes shimmered. “It’s horrible, and I hate it. I hate it so much.”
“I-I’m sorry,” he choked out.
“I’m not mad atyou, Jinx. I just—” She let out a frustrated groan, closing her eyes, a tear slipping down her cheek. Her forehead fell forward, resting against his. “If I ever find these girls, I’m kicking the shit out of them.”
A strangled noise escaped him. He let his forehead relax against hers. “That won’t change anything.”
“It’d make me feel better. They did this to you, and they got away with it.” Her hands moved around to his back, pulling him closer to her.
The gear shift dug into his thigh, but he didn’t care. His arms lifted to hug her back. “She might not have even known she had it.”
Julia’s fingers pressed harder into his back. “Do not defend her to me.”
He grew quiet, resting against her. His racing heart slowed.
Julia eventually pulled away, wiping the heel of her hand under her eye. “Thanks for telling me.”
He nodded, swallowing to wet his dry throat. “You see now why this is a bad idea.”
She glared at him. “Jinx, you can have sex. This doesn’t change anything for me.”
He stared at her.
Her eyes softened. “Do you know how many partners I’ve had? Of course not, I don’t even know. It’s not like I ask everyone I sleep with about STIs. I always use condoms, though, and I get tested regularly. So far, nothing has popped. The risks for herpes are pretty low with condoms. You’ve read about it, right?”
