Page 74 of Only This Once
Chapter 21
Jesse finished getting dressed, taking a deep breath before tracking down Julia. He found her in the kitchen, still barefoot, shaking a pill into her hand from the orange prescription bottle. It reminded him that he hadn’t brought one of his antiviral pills to take. That was probably good. It’d force him to go home instead of clinging to her.
Every part of him yearned to cuddle up with her again, but it would be the worst thing for him. His skin still tingled all over from the way she’d touched him in the shower. It hadn’t been sexual, not exactly, but he couldn’t remember ever being touched as much as she’d touched him. Her face had been so relaxed doing it, too, and he’d felt all the tension leave his body.
He hadn’t realized how starved for affection he’d been until being around Julia again. She’d always touched him, though. Not naked like that, and he shoved down the memory of the way she’d looked when he’d been buried inside of her. The last thing she would want was him getting another erection, not after she’d already broken her one-time rule.
That the thought of getting an erection didn’t freak him out felt like progress.
“Do you have any coffee?” he asked, watching her hand freeze on the pill bottle while screwing on the white cap. She finished fastening it, reaching up to put it in the cabinet. Everything was in its place in Julia’s kitchen, though that didn’t surprise him. She liked things in order.
“Let me look. I might be able to scrounge up a pod or something,” she said, moving to the pantry.
Jesse wanted to kick himself. “That’s right. You’re caffeine free. When did you start that?”
Her head ducked into the pantry. “About a month ago. I was having a bad reaction to my medication, and the doctor mentioned caffeine could cause side effects while on it. Since I rarely drank coffee anyway, it was easy to cut it out.” She paused, straightening but continuing to stare into the pantry. “I take an antidepressant.”
Jesse grew still. “Is that new? More fallout from the stress at work?”
She shrugged. “I’ve always had bad days. When my mom was sick, it was easy to blame that. They got worse in college. Few people noticed. I have high functioning depression. When there’s something I’m responsible for, it’s easy for me to push through the fog to get things done. It’s the quiet times in between where it can get bad. Or days where I think I got everything wrong.” She glanced toward him. “The antidepressant helps. I don’t go so deep anymore and my bad days aren’t as often, but it doesn’t take them all away.”
“I’m sorry. I had no idea.” Jesse swallowed, wishing he was close enough to hug her. “When you have your bad days, is there anything I can do to help?”
Some of the tension slipped out of her, and she fiddled with the pantry shelf. “Just be yourself. What you did the other night was perfect.”
Jesse’s eyes warmed, which was ridiculous. That he’d helped made him happy, so why did he feel like crying?
“I was pretty sure I had a few of those pods in here, but I can’t find them.” Julia kept searching.
He swallowed. “It’s okay if you don’t have any.”
She shifted a few things on the shelves before pulling back. “Yeah, it looks like I don’t. I should pick some up for you.”
Jesse’s pulse thrummed in his ears. He shouldn’t have liked that idea so much, but it made him think she was planning for him to sleep over again. Did that mean she wasn’t calling it quits? His throat felt too dry to ask her.
“I’m a horrible host.” She smiled through the words. “Oh well, I can make you breakfast and offer you a couple of types of juice if you want.”
He rubbed the back of his neck, still damp from his hair. His curls were going to poof when they dried, but he couldn’t find it in him to mind. Not after Julia had opened up to him and then hinted at wanting to be with him more. “You don’t have to go out of your way for me.”
Her hand found her hip. “Don’t do that. I like doing things for you, Jinx.”
Her nickname for him soothed the rising bubbles in his stomach. “Then sure. Can I help with anything?”
“Maybe the toast? No way am I giving you a knife to chop the vegetables.” She laughed as her hand landed on his chest and her curved lips met his in a quick kiss. She turned away after, like she hadn’t even noticed the gesture, already digging in the fridge for eggs and cheese and other fixings.
Jesse had noticed. His lips tingled and his heart rose into his throat while he watched her.
Being in the kitchen with her, moving around each other as she gave him small tasks to do, was almost as intimate as showering together had been. This was bad. Every part of him wanted to latch on to her and never let go.
Soon they were sitting at the table with omelets and toast. He could picture spending every weekend with her this way.
“Do you have any plans?” he asked. Maybe he could convince her to run him to Charles’s place for some clothes and his pill, and then he could come back. No, that was never going to happen.
“I’m babysitting for Rachel this afternoon. Well, her kids aren’t babies anymore, and Sammy—no, Sam—will act too big to have me there, but I’m spending time with my niece and nephew so my sister can go out.”
Jesse bit his tongue to stop himself from asking to join her. He didn’t want to come across as too needy and clingy.
“Have you babysat Phoebe’s kids since you’ve been back?” Julia asked. “I get the impression that she could use more downtime, but with the way things have been between us…” Julia’s fork hovered with a bite of omelet on it.
