Page 81 of Only This Once
“Yeah, I—” Jesse froze as the word processed. “Wait, no, it’s not a date.” Had Julia asked him out? His mind stuttered. “Is it?”
His brother laughed at him again.
Jesse shook his head, grabbing a change of clothes. Whether it was a date or not, he’d be with Julia. Everything would be fine. It was a friendly date. Like the shower had been friendly. Oh God, now he was imagining her naked. His dick throbbed, growing hard.
He felt no shame from his body’s reaction. Of course he was turned on. He was thinking about Julia.
He scrambled out of his work clothes and into something more casual. It would be hard to go back to just being friends, but he could do it. Keeping Julia in his life was the most important thing. He didn’t understand how he’d managed to get through college without seeing her. No wonder he’d been miserable most of the time.
When there was a knock on the door, he was almost ready, but one of his sneakers had become untied. He rushed to the door with the laces flapping, jerking it open with a smile.
Phoebe stood there instead of Julia, and he deflated, his smile dropping.
“Wow. It’s nice to see you, too.” Phoebe rolled her eyes and pushed past him into the house.
Jesse closed the door. “I didn’t expect you.” More words burned in his throat, but he hesitated. Telling her he already had plans with Julia was probably the worst thing he could do. He held a hand against his stomach to settle the nerves tightening it.
Phoebe skirted around the wooden coffee table. “Well, you’ve been avoiding me. Kyle pushed me to come and talk things out.” When she reached the cream-colored couch, she turned to face him and sucked in a breath. “I’m sorry. I messed up.”
Her apology didn’t ease the sick swirl in his stomach, and he let his head drop to stare at the carpet. “It’s okay, Feebs,” he said.
“No, it’s not.” She sank onto the couch, her hands clenching together in her lap. “You caught me off guard, but that’s no excuse for hurting you. I should have never made it seem like you can’t be around my children.”
Hearing it said out loud only made the twisting inside worse. He could no longer ignore that she’d implied just being around him was a risk. “A lot of people are uncomfortable with it. I mean, I still feel—” He swallowed, the words catching in histhroat. Shame. That was the cause of the acid that so often ate him up inside. For years, he’d hated his body, because of how it had reacted the night of the party, but also because of the disease that would never go away.
He sat down beside her, but not too close. “It’s a hard thing all around.”
Phoebe shook her head. “You always let me off the hook too easily.” Her hands tightened on themselves. Only a couple of years ago, her nails would have been long and polished. Now they were short in an uneven way and bare of color. “I’m sure Julia knew exactly what to say when you told her.”
Julia’s voice rose in his mind, telling him he shouldn’t hate his body. It settled some of the roiling inside. “She’s good that way.”
“You’re such a sap. Has she broken your heart yet?” Phoebe leaned into him, nudging his shoulder with hers.
“She’s on her way here,” he blurted. “She invited me hiking again.”
“She did? It wasn’t you?” Phoebe’s eyes widened. When he nodded, she let out a laugh. “I don’t believe it, but I guess she did always have a soft spot for you. I kind of hated that.” Her lips twisted. “She invited you with us everywhere and paid more attention to you than to me.” His sister frowned down at her hands. “She was always watching you.”
“That’s because she’s protective.” Jesse knew that was just how she was. “She knew all the messes I got into. She was the one who gave me my nickname, after all.”
Phoebe studied him. “You really have always been jinxed, haven’t you?” She shook her head, shoving herself up from the couch so she could pace in front of the TV. “I mean, look what happened to you.” She waved a hand in his direction, and Jesse’s shoulders hunched. “I can’t believe you got an STI. It sucks, and I’m sorry that it happened to you.” She paused, squaringher shoulders. “I love you. It might not seem like it sometimes because I let my mouth run too often, but I really do.”
“I know you do, Feebs.” Jesse’s shoulders relaxed. “I love you, too. You’re my sister.”
A loud knock came, the three firm raps a familiar rhythm. His gaze flew to the entryway, as if he could see Julia through the door. “She’s here.” He scrambled up from the couch. He flicked a glance back at Phoebe, whose eyes had narrowed. His feet turned to lead as he drew in a breath. “If you say something mean to Julia, you’re the one who will be leaving. I won’t let you hurt her.”
Phoebe snorted. “Julia doesn’t get hurt.”
He remembered the way she’d looked in her apartment when he’d brought her ice cream, and her pantry confession about her depression. “You’re a bad friend, Phoebe,” he said.
His sister flinched, then bit her lip. “Of course I am, compared to her.” She waved her hand at him when there was another knock. “Let her in. I’ll be good.”
When Jesse pulled open the door, Julia stood there with her hands tucked into the back pockets of her black jean shorts. She searched his eyes, the tentative smile she wore blooming into a real one when he grinned back.
“Hey,” she said.
“Hi,” he returned, the tension in him easing being near her.
“Wow. You two are ridiculously cute,” Phoebe teased from behind him. She leaned over his shoulder. “I heard you voluntarily chose to go hiking. Should I be worried? Did an alien take over your body? Blink twice if yes.”
