Page 9 of After the Accident
Emma:I felt so overwhelmed by it all. It didn’t feel right that Dad had almost died and I was benefitting because of it. Then I had to gulp away tears because the walls of my cell suddenly felt so close. Anyone who’s been in prison will tell you that it never really goes away. It might be a clang that reminds you of the doors closing, or a squeak that makes you think of someone moving in the bunk above or below. The screech of cutlery is the worst for me. If I ever hear a knife scrape on a plate, I’m back at mealtimes.
As I was looking around this lovely space, all I could think about was how different it was to the place where I’d been not that long before.
Julius:I probably should have taken the cottage.
Emma:I was still in the same clothes from the day before, so, after the manager left, I locked everything up, put down the blinds and then went and had a shower.
I remember standing under the water, thinking it was the best shower I’d ever had. I know that’s strange, but I think it was the water pressure. I was standing there, letting the water thump into me, and I felt so… clean. I couldn’t tell you how long I was in there. I honestly think I could have fallen asleep in there.
Julius:I almost went back to reception to have the manager open the cottage door and check on Emma. She wasn’t answering the door and I still couldn’t be sure about whether she had been drinking the night before.
Emma:I didn’t hear Julius knocking on the cottage door. The shower is at the back and I had everything closed in between. The water would have been loud – and then I had to get dressed. I was surprised when he said he was on the brink of going to get the manager to check on me.
Julius:I was worried about her. That’s the thing with Emma. You try to do something for her and, instead of acknowledging the gesture, she tries to second-guess everything and wonders if you have an ulterior motive.
Despite everything she did, and despite what happened on the island, I’m still her older brother.
Emma:When we’d established that I’d simply been in the shower, Julius asked if I’d like to babysit the girls that night. When we were on the way back from the hospital, we’d sort of been arguing without actually arguing, so I wondered if there was something behind it all.
Julius:Told you: always trying to second-guess everything.
Emma:He said the twins had missed seeing me and that he wanted me to be a part of their lives. I didn’t know what to say at first because I hadn’t been alone with a child since I got out of prison.
…
It wasn’t a part of my release conditions, or anything like that. It’s not like I’m a danger to kids – but people look at you differently when you’ve done what I did. I understand it and I don’t blame anyone but myself.
What Julius said did make me feel a bit teary, if I’m honest. I think I embarrassed both of us because Julius started speaking really quickly, saying that I’d be doing him a favour because he could get out of the hotel for a bit.
I told him I’d definitely look after the girls. I was looking forward to it – and, just for a moment, it felt like that island was the best place for me. I suppose I momentarily forgot about what had gone on with Dad.
Then he said that someone had to go and update Daniel and Liz about what had happened – and I realised he meant me.
Julius:I know Emma doesn’t like Daniel, but it’s not as if I’m his biggest fan, either.
Emma:Julius and I found Daniel and Liz by the pool. They had their towels spread across about six beds and Liz was sipping away on a cocktail, even though it was breakfast time. Chloe and Amy were on the edge of the pool, but it didn’t look as if anyone was paying them much attention.
Julius told them to go and play on the slides for a bit, but they didn’t want to. I’d have been the same if I knew something bad had happened and nobody was telling me. Sometimes I think it’s better to treat children with maturity, rather than trying to tiptoe around them. Kids can be so resilient and if you try to hide things from them, it breeds mistrust and perhaps even a fear of the unknown.
…But then I guess I’m not the person to be giving parenting advice.
Julius:Emma did the talking.
Emma:I told them that Dad had fallen off the clifftops behind the hotel and that he was unconscious in hospital. I used that ‘critical but stable’ line, which they nodded along to. I don’t think they understood it any more than I did.
I thought they’d ask a bunch of questions. It’s not as if I had many answers but, when it came to it, they hardly said anything.
Julius:I think Daniel said something like ‘That’s terrible’ – and then Liz parroted him.
Emma:Daniel asked how long he was likely to be in hospital and I said that I didn’t know. He was still unconscious at the moment.
Julius:They both seemed really distant about everything, as if Emma had told them that Dad had a cough and was going to be late down.
Emma:Apart from sitting up a bit, I don’t think either of them moved. Liz even gulped down another mouthful of her cocktail.
Julius:I was definitely expecting more of a reaction.
Daniel:To be honest, it was the way she said it. She mumbles a lot. I thought she meant Geoff had been on the cliff and twisted his ankle, something like that. I didn’t think she was talking about an actual fallfrom the top. I was shocked when I found out later on. Liz will back me up on this.
