Page 1 of Fear
Chapter One
Tobias’s first car ride was the most exhilarating experience of his life.
The highway sped away under their tires, the landscape outside flying by too fast for him to take in. There was so much flashing past, all the real world he had dreamed about but never imagined he would get a chance to see—but Jake was telling him they’d have time, Toby, and this is nothing, wait until you see the Rockies or the Mississippi or until we get to the Atlantic. It sounded like Jake wanted to keep him around for a while, which was another rush of euphoria, enough to make him feel dizzy and light enough to float away. Over and over, Tobias had to remind himself that all this hung on whether he screwed it up. He could make this last, he was sure; he was good at being obedient and meeting expectations.
It was almost impossible to think of how precarious it all was, though, with Jake grinning at him and talking nonstop of where they were going, what they were going to see, the diner in Utah where they would eat that night (“They have the best onion rings this side of the U.S., Toby, wait until you get a bite”). Tobias could almost believe this was forever, that he could be here next to Jake, driving farther and farther from those sigil-engraved iron walls, forever. That he wouldn’t ever have to go back or go anywhere away from Jake.
Eventually, Jake’s voice ran hoarse, and he turned on the tape deck. He glanced at Tobias, still grinning wide. “I guess we’ll finally find out if you like AC/DC.”
Tobias had no idea what that was, but he knew that absolutely nothing Jake could do—and he meant nothing—could bother him right now. He grinned at Jake, his face feeling stretched wide enough to crack. Maybe it would; he’d never smiled so much before.
“Absolutely,” he said, sure that was the right answer.
Jake seemed pleased with it, turning the volume up a notch.
AC/DC was an all-encompassing noise that Tobias couldn’t have begun to describe, but it was as big and bold and free as Jake himself, and Tobias loved it.
Then Jake reached over and found Tobias’s hand, palms curling together, and Tobias forgot how to breathe.
He had to close his eyes to narrow his senses down: the constant thrum of the car engine, steady and reassuring already; the joyful cacophony of Jake’s music surrounding him; and most of all, Jake’s warm hand, sure in his. Jake was here, really and truly here. He’d fulfilled his impossible promise, coming to claim Tobias and bring him out of Freak Camp, into the light of the real world that Tobias had never been supposed to see. And he wasn’t even afraid to hold Tobias’s hand like there wasn’t a chance in the world that Tobias could contaminate him by that touch.
It would’ve been terrifying if Tobias could’ve felt anything other than giddy. Giddy and safe, so safe, like he’d never been in his entire life. The guards were already miles and miles behind them, farther away every minute. Their voices and hands, their knives and whips, could never reach him, as long as Jake willed it.
It couldn’t get better than this.
THE SUN WAS JUST STARTING to set—the clear view of the horizon before them was so breathtaking, Tobias could hardly look away—as they pulled into Tooele, Utah. When they stopped at a gas station, Tobias shook his head when Jake asked if he needed to use the restroom inside or wanted to stretch his legs. He already felt safer inside the Eldorado than he had anywhere in his life, and he never wanted to get out, unless he was going to be close to Jake. Besides, he could see other reals nearby, standing outside their vehicles as they filled their tanks, and just looking at them from inside Jake’s car made him nervous. He didn’t want to get any closer.
Jake had given him hunter’s clothes—he could still hardly believe it when he glanced down and rubbed the denim fabric—but it wouldn’t be enough to disguise what he was, even if he didn’t have any distinguishing marks apart from the scarring around his neck, hidden beneath the collar of the soft flannel shirt. Even if he could keep that covered, he knew there was no way that he could pass himself off as a real. The thought of what might happen if someone mistook him for a real and then realized what he actually was . . . Tobias shuddered. He had no idea yet what Jake had in store for him, if he would be kept most of the time in the Eldorado or in a room in Jake’s house (that did sound wonderful), but he hoped Jake didn’t expect him to have much contact with reals. Better—safer—for everyone that way.
When Jake opened the driver’s door to slide back in, relief flooded Tobias, and he couldn’t help leaning toward Jake. This was already far longer than any visit they’d had before, and to think it would continue—every day seeing Jake—Tobias didn’t know how he could cope with that much happiness. His heart might beat itself out of his chest, his fingers and entire body alive and ecstatic to be out, away, and safe with Jake.
Jake grinned back at him, pleased. “So, the guy inside said Rosie’s Diner is right ahead, like I thought. We just gotta keep following Vine.”
Tobias nodded, unsure why Jake was telling him, but he filed it away in case Jake checked later to see if Tobias had listened.
The parking lot for Rosie’s Diner was nearly full, and Jake had some trouble squeezing the Eldorado into a spot between two cars larger than his. “Damn minivans,” he muttered, shutting off the engine. “C’mon, Tobias, let’s see if we can get a booth.”
Tobias froze. He had glimpsed the crowded tables inside, reals wearing uniforms and carrying trays, and wondered how this was going to work. He had thought maybe Jake would go inside to get food and later give him a share, but now it sounded like Jake wanted him to go inside with all those reals. He couldn’t have understood right. The Director would never . . .
Jake, however, was already outside the car and looking at him expectantly, and Tobias fumbled for the door handle, just realizing he hadn’t obeyed.
“Sorry,” he gasped as soon as he joined Jake by the curb, but Jake just shrugged and smiled before turning to swing open the diner’s door. He paused there, waiting for Tobias to go through, and Tobias took a shaky breath before stepping over the threshold.
He stopped just inside the entryway, overwhelmed by the sounds and smells and so many reals, all talking and eating and moving around, and none of them had seen him yet. Not yet. They were bound to notice soon, though. Then they would know there was a monster in their restaurant and they would look at him and Jake would have to—
He jumped when a hand brushed his elbow, but it was only Jake, and the sight of him so close eased Tobias’s pounding heartbeat. Jake looked a little concerned, like Tobias wasn’t doing something right, but not as if he was angry about it. “You feeling okay? You looked like you were about to pass out for a second.”
Tobias nodded, taking a step closer to Jake’s side before he could stop himself, but Jake didn’t seem to mind being seen with a monster. He left his hand on Tobias’s elbow as he glanced around. “Pretty sure this is a seat-yourself type place. I think I see one over there.” He led Tobias to a booth near the back of the crowded room and slid into the far seat facing the door. He nodded toward the seat across the table from him. “C’mon, have a seat.”
Tobias had no idea what the consequences would be for this—the audacity of a monster to sit at a table as though he was a real, despite being given the command to do so—but he didn’t hesitate this time. He lowered his body into the unfamiliar frame, the strange fabric of the cushion sinking a little under him. He folded his arms on the edge of the table, the cold sweat on the back of his neck prickling against the collar of his new shirt.
Jake watched him, brow creased. “Sure you’re feeling okay?” Tobias jerked his head in a quick nod, eyes down. “I mean, I know this is your first time you’ve been to a diner, but the onion rings, man, they’re four-star.” Jake reached across the table to lay a finger on the back of Tobias’s hand, and Tobias couldn’t keep from a full-body jump like the touch had been a rod of hot, blessed iron. Shit, he was already fucking up. Jake thought Tobias could do this without anyone noticing he was a freak, and Tobias couldn’t, he didn’t know how. This had never been one of the Director’s lessons (he would be so angry). Tobias had never imagined he could be allowed to be around so many reals, much less to have the audacity to imitate them.
Before he could try anything, to apologize for failing or beg before Jake got angry with him, a woman stopped at their table. “Welcome to Rosie’s, guys, what can I get you to drink?”
“I’ll take a Coke,” Jake said.
“What about for you, hon?”
