Page 87 of Finding You
There was stony silence on the other end of the line. “I need to process this information and decide if I want to come back,” I explained.
His tone shifted, annoyance taking over. “If? Astrid, this firm hired you and trained you and built you into the lawyer you are today. This is the best place for you. I understand the past few months have been difficult and the events of this weekend were deeply traumatic. In fact, we have an in-house crisis counselor. I will have my secretary set you up with her.”
He clearly wasn’t getting it. “I will consider your offer,” I said curtly, “and be in touch when I decide if I would like to return.”
I hung up, feeling emotionally exhausted and angry. I had been having such a good day.
I had always prided myself on being the coolest person in the room. I was taught that there was power in control, in silence. I trained myself to be calm at all times and never cause a fuss.
But I couldn’t deny that there was fire inside me. Fury, rage, anger. I had been suppressing it for decades. I convinced myself I was a quiet, subdued person, but I wasn’t. I was just Astrid. And sometimes I was loud and sometimes I was quiet. I could do both. I was a full person now, one who swore and danced and had glorious orgasms.
Could I even fit in that world anymore?
I had grown. I had expanded so much since coming to Havenport. I had found my fight, and I couldn’t give it up.
35
DECLAN
The seedof doubt that had been planted by Astrid’s mother had taken root in my mind and grown and flowered over the past couple of weeks. I loved Astrid—I knew that with total certainty. And I know she thought she loved me too. But I could see the push-pull within her. I could see the hold her career still had over her, and I didn’t want to stand in her way.
Unfortunately, the incident at the gala could completely destroy her career, leaving her with nothing. She wouldn’t rebound from a felony conviction, that was for sure. And right now, it was her word against that asshole’s. I wish I had been there. Everything would have been different. She could lose everything and it would be my fault. The more I thought about it, the more I believed Justice Wentworth was right. I had led her down that path. I didn’t fit into her world and trying to force it would only result in more problems and more heartbreak.
We were having fun and she was an incredible woman, but the more comfortable we got, the more I grew convinced that this was truly temporary. That someone like her and someone like me could never make it work. We came from different worlds. And I knew, deep down, that she wanted to return to hers. I could buy all the tuxedos and fancy shoes in the world, but I would never fit into her life. I couldn’t. She had said it herself many times.
We had fallen into a comfortable rhythm these last few weeks. We spent every night together, but I felt further and further away from her every day. I couldn’t shake the feeling that this relationship was dead in the water. I knew how hard things had been on her. And her mother was clearly not a great source of support. I wanted to be there for her and protect her. But the more I thought about it, the more I knew that keeping her wouldn’t be supporting and protecting her. It would be selfish.
So I was not surprised when she burst into my house a few days later, flushed from the cold and vibrating with excitement.
“You will never guess who called me today.”
I looked at her, rosy cheeks and plump lips stretched into a huge smile. This is how I wanted to remember her. Excited, full of hope and promise.
“Detective Connelly.”
“And?” My heart skipped a beat.
“They are dropping the charges against me. They obtained the security footage from the hotel and will not be pursuing it further. But they are amending the charges against Max Shapiro to include strangulation and aggravated assault.”
I ran to her and gathered her in my arms. “Astrid, that is incredible news.” I spun her around and kissed her hungrily. I was so relieved. The thought of Astrid having a criminal record, or God forbid, going to jail over this horrific situation made me sick. This was such a relief. I held her and looked into her beautiful eyes.
“Why are you crying?” I asked gently.
“Because I’m so happy,” she replied. She buried her face in my neck and inhaled.
“I hope that fucker goes to jail. And gets fired,” I whispered into her hair.
She pulled back and looked me in the eye. “He was fired last week.”
“How do you know that?”
She looked sheepish and took a step back, breaking our contact. “John Waterson, the Managing partner at Burns & Glenn, called me yesterday. Told me that they were cooperating with the BPD and that Max had been placed on leave pending an investigation. He is as good as gone.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“I don’t know.” She looked at her feet. It was Astrid’s tell. I held my breath, knowing what was coming next.
“He asked me to come back to the firm.”
