Page 101 of Embers of You
“What do you mean? I don’t know what you think you saw, but it’s not?—”
“Fuck that.” I never curse at my mom, but that has officially changed. “You’re not going to gaslight me. I unfortunately know what I saw and while I don’t know, nor do I want to know, the full extent of the situation, you’re not going to tell me it’s not what I think.”
She’s silent other than a deep sigh. “I don’t know what you want me to say.”
“There’s nothing you can say. You guys can be swingers or whatever the hell you do, but Cassie was my best friend and that’s a line you don’t cross.”
“I’m sorry you found out that way.”
“But not sorry it happened.”
Again, she’s silent and I shake my head. I may not have expected this to go any differently, but it’s almost worse than I thought.
She finally speaks. “Will you at least tell me where you are? I’m your mother, Sutton.”
“I’m safe and I’m happy.”Kinda.“You don’t need to know where.”
She sighs again. “I wish there was a way to fix this.”
“Well, there’s not. And that’s really too bad. I’ve seen what happens when you lose someone before you’re able to fix a relationship, and it sucks. But I also think that some relationships aren’t worth fixing. Just because we’re family doesn’t mean we need to be close.”
She sniffs and I can tell she’s crying, but I’m not going to back down. “If that’s what you want.”
“It is.”
“Okay. Well, goodbye.” I hear her tear filled voice.
“Bye.” I hang up and hardly notice that I started crying as well. I’m angry at myself as I wipe the tears away. I was hoping that getting this closure would make me feel better, but it hasn’t.
The worst part is that it just created an ache in my gut that feels a lot like loneliness and it makes me want to call Jameson. I know he would make it all better. I know he would stand beside me and validate what I did and said.
But then I remember how he pushed me away, and those feelings dissipate. The flowers on the counter tell a different story, but if he was able to push me away once, he could do it again. And I refuse to put myself in a position to get hurt again.
CHAPTER 48
Sutton
Every dayI find a note with a different type of flower. Sometimes it’s at work, on my car, or outside of my house. The notes have continued to be simple, mentioning a memory he has of us together. Or something about me that he can’t stop thinking about. They’re sweet and my resolve is weakening every time I find one, but I continue to stay strong.
Each new flower is added to my collection, and even as they fade I’m unable to throw any of them away. I’m also unable to part with the notes that have started piling up on my counter.
I know I should throw it all away—out of sight, out of mind—but I don’t. He also doesn’t reach out any other way. I have yet to see him or his name pop up on my phone.
Just the notes he never signs with his name and a flower.
I hate that I’ve come to anticipate them. When I get to work, I search high and low for one. If there’s nothing there, I look around when I get home. Once I didn’t find anything right away, then, I saw it was tucked and somewhat hidden off to the sideand the relief I felt has me worried because this whole moving on thing is clearly not going well.
I’m greeted by both Jerry Lee and Lily when I get to work, and I wish I could say the bird has let up on screaming Jameson’s name, but he hasn’t and I think he may actually be a little obsessed with the man.
I suggested an exorcist to Trish. She laughed it off, and I didn’t take that as a no. It turns out bird exorcisms are hard to come by, so I’ll be on the hunt to figure that out for a while.
“Your first appointment is already here,” Lily tells me over Jerry Lee’s barks.
“Wait what? I didn’t think I had a dog until ten thirty.” I grab my phone to check my schedule because I prefer to be here when my clients drop off, and I know it’s on me for not being early enough.
“Oh, this one wasn’t on your schedule.” Lily is biting back a smile and I narrow my eyes at her.
“What’s going on?”
