Page 96 of Embers of You
“Uh, before,” I answer, because all the painful thoughts make me want to drown them out with the alcohol.
“Yay,” Lily squeals. “I’ll go first. Never have I ever had a one night stand.”
I sigh, thinking about lying and taking a sip of my drink, but all my attention is pulled to Bailey when she’s the only one who does. I raise an eyebrow, but Lily is a bit more direct.
“Oh, someone here?”
“That’s not a part of the game.” Bailey diverts, “Never have I ever gone back to my hometown for any reason.”
Technically I haven’t, and grumble silently about my plan backfiring. Lily takes a sip, but calls it a technicality for some reason.
I decide to throw out the rules to the game, laying it all out on the table and finally take a drink. “Never have I ever walked in on my best friend fucking my dad while my mom watched.”
I chug my entire drink while the room remains silent. I slam my cup down, and go to fill it again, not looking at them. Finally Lily breaks the silence.
“Uh, that’s not how you play the game, but what the fuck?”
“Yup.” I pop the P as I fill my cup to the brim.
“That’s so fucked up.” Bailey shakes her head. “Is that why you’re here?”
I nod. “I lived there, I was working on moving out. Didn’t exactly plan on leaving California, but here I am.”
Bailey raises her cup. “Never have I ever escaped a shitty past.” She takes a big gulp and so do I. It doesn’t get past me that Lily does as well, but she doesn’t provide any more information.
The alcohol flowing through my bloodstream makes me feel lighter, and at least for now, I forget about the situation with Jameson and the reason these two are here. To make me feel better. I refuse to think about him or what he could be doing. He’s probably still working and maybe texting Mallory the way he used to do with me.
Good, she can help him through his grief. Clearly I wasn’t good enough, and I’m not going to beg someone to be in my life that doesn’t want to be. I knew things were too good to be true with him. No one can be that perfect. It’s just another lesson learned. It doesn’t matter anyway, I have my friends, my dog and I’ll get over it eventually.
I have to.
CHAPTER 45
Jameson
I’ve hardly spokento my coworkers our entire shift. It’s been pretty quiet, a couple of false alarm calls and one lift assist. I try not to let it show that every time a call comes in my heart accelerates. I’ve been trained for so long not to panic, and I’ve grown used to the sound of a call.
I thought two weeks would be enough time.
Apparently not, but I’m not about to admit that to anyone. I need to get back to normalcy, or the new normal and whatever that looks like. Though, the new normal has looked like not having Sutton around, and not talking to her.
I hate it.
I hate myself for pushing her away, and I’m pretty sure Ma knows what I’ve done and hates it as well.
I just can’t drag her down like this, it’s not fair. But it’s lonely. Even Duke is depressed and barely looks at me. The horses can feel it, I know they can, and Jasper’s about to go back home, and I’ve barely been working with him like I was supposed to. I’msure they’ll understand, but I still hate not following through on commitments I made.
Kind of like the commitment I made to Sutton when I told her she was mine. No, it wasn’t a proposal or a commitment to anyone else, but to me it was. I’ve never let a woman wear my hat, never wanted anyone to. No one else has ever been mine in the way she was.
Was.
Because I’ve lost her.
The amount of times I’ve wanted to reach out. I’ve actually stared at my phone for so long I swear I started to see two screens. I’ve typed out so many messages. I’ve had her contact pulled up ready to call. I’ve stopped myself from driving to her house. I just can’t do it.
Of course, everything was only made worse earlier when Mallory showed up at the station. Dave, Jo, and Parker watched the entire interaction even though they pretended they weren’t.
The worst part is I know Sutton was at work and saw her come in here. All I wanted to do was rush over and tell her that I didn’t give her the time of day and sent her away because the only woman in the entire world I want is her.
