Page 97 of Embers of You
“If you need anything at all I’m here,” Mallory said, reaching for me. I stepped back away from her.
“I don’t.”
“If that changes, you can call me,” she tried again.
“I don’t have your number and no, I don’t want it. Please, leave.”
“Jameson.” I think she thinks she’s being flirty, but it only makes me grimace. “We used to have fun. We could have that type of fun again, you know.”
I scoff. “Not interested and never will be. Bye, Mallory.”
Without giving her any more of my time, attention, or energy, I walked away and heard her pout and throw a hissy fit as she left.
My shift ends before Sutton is at work, so I’m not tempted to walk in there, and instead drive home. I’ve still been staying in the main house, but the bed in my old room feels so much colder without the other body next to me. My pain has multiplied and I know it’s all my fault, but I can’t bring myself to do anything to fix it either.
I walk in, and Duke doesn’t even greet me, doesn’t even lift his head. I go to find Ma to check in on her like I always do. The only reason I went back to work was because she practically forced me to. I didn’t want to leave her, but she won’t let me stay around here.
Her door is cracked, and when I knock softly, she invites me in. We have an appointment for her tomorrow, and I’m terrified we’re about to get more bad news. The remnants of our family are barely hanging on as it is and I can’t handle any more negative news.
Ma has some boxes on her bed with her, and papers spread out in front of her.
“What are you doing?” I ask, finding a small open spot on the mattress to sit down.
“Going through some of your dad’s things,” she sniffs.
“Ma, why would you try to do that without me here?”
“You’re here now, aren’t you?”
I sigh. “How long have you been doing this? Have you even slept?”
“I sleep.”
I start to tell her that’s not really answering my question, but she doesn’t let me because she’s holding up an old picture I don’t think I’ve ever seen before.
“What’s this?” I take it from her, seeing a younger version of my dad holding me up on a horse. I’m a baby, there’s no way I’m more than two years old and he’s beaming wider than I ever saw him smile.
My heart cracks in my chest.
“He was so excited when I found out I was pregnant with you,” Ma starts, her voice already watery. “I remember asking him if he was hoping for a girl or a boy, and do you know what he said?”
I shake my head, still looking down at the picture and barely holding back the tears forming in my eyes.
“He said it didn’t matter as long as they had my heart, that’s all he wanted.”
The first tear falls before I’m able to stop it, dropping onto the picture in my hands, right on my dad’s smiling face.
“Guess he was disappointed that didn’t happen,” I murmur.
She takes the picture from me. “I know you two had your disagreements, and he was never someone who shared hisemotions easily. Do you know how long it took him to tell me he loved me?”
I shake my head again, realizing how little I know about their relationship beyond how they met and what I saw growing up.
“A year! He kept me waiting for a year, and every time I thought it was coming, he would say something else ridiculous. I knew he did though, so I never gave up on him. You probably don’t remember his parents, but they weren’t the overly affectionate type, and neither was he. I didn’t mind. He showed me in other ways, and I knew he was my person.”
I swallow roughly, knowing the feeling she’s talking about. I know who my person is, too, and I’ve lost her.
She places her hand on top of mine. “He loved you so much Jameson. I don’t think you realize how important you were to him. I know he never really told you and I wish you knew sooner how he really felt.”
