Page 63 of Stroked
“That is not what I mean.”
My heart slammed in my chest so hard I was surprised it didn’t break through my ribs and from my skin. Blood rushed to my face, burning.
“Why have you not told me? I need to know.”
I stabbed at some eggs. “I do not know what you mean.”
Her mug slammed on the table. I jumped and dropped my fork with a loud clank. “Why were you with Amy?”
I looked up, lips thinned, brows furrowed. “Why? Why does that matter?”
“I am your mother, do not lie to me, Valentina! You have been lying long enough.”
“What? Lying?” Heat filled my entire being and my hands began to shake.
“Yes, lying! You should have just told me. Toldus. I have to find out everything secondhand or while you are medicated.”
I stood, the chair falling behind me, as I turned to go to my room.
“You do not walk away from me, Valentina Maria Santos!”
I wasn’t quite to my bedroom door when her arm grabbed the one not in a sling.
“Do not touch me!” I yelled as I slapped her hand away.
“Talk to me, Val. I am your mother!”
I turned to her, and she was inches from my face, hers as red as mine felt. “What do you want me to say? That you went behind my back and talked to my girlfriend about me?”
Her mouth fell open; my nostrils flared as pressure built behind my eyes. I turned to run to my room and hide, or throw up, but she grabbed me again.
“Look at me, Val.”
Tears were streaming down my face. I couldn’t turn around. I couldn’t face her. I didn’t want to see the disappointment on her face. The disgust. The shame.
“Val,” she said in a softer voice. “Filha, look at me.”
I shook my head, salty tears rolling over my lips, down my trembling chin.
She let my arm go but stepped around me, putting us face to face. “Valentina, you are my baby. I love you.Welove you. Nothing you can do, or be, can change that. Why have you carried this so long? You let us go on about boyfriends and marriage.”
My throat bobbed, but I couldn’t open my mouth. The tears couldn’t be stopped, but I knew once I opened my mouth, I wouldn’t be able to contain my sobs.
“Val, you can tell me,” she said as her eyes darted back and forth on mine. Tears filled her eyes, and her chin began to tremble as well.
I shook my head violently, my words coming out choppy and broken. “This, this is w-w-why. I can-can-cannot see y-y-you hate me.”
She blinked, pushing the tears from her eyes and her chest rose. “You think…No, I can never hate you. I love you; you have to believe me. You are my baby, and nothing will ever change that.”
She let her own sobs explode from her mouth and pulled me to her, squeezing one side.
We held each other, crying and shaking for several minutes. I still felt sick to my stomach, but it subsided gradually, the longer we held each other.
Both of our sobs dissipated into choppy breaths, and she finally pulled away. She smiled, wiping her own tears, then reached her hand to my face, wiping mine.
I was trying hard to stop crying and tucked my bottom lip under my teeth to keep it from trembling.
“Now, tell me why you think things are ruined with Amy.”
