Page 88 of Objection
“There is just so much…” I trailed off as the tears fell again.
“I know, honey. I know.”
“No, that’s just it. You don’t know. And there are so many things I wish I could tell you. So many things I wish I could talk to someone about, anyone!” I cried.
“Well, I can’t pretend to understand that, but why don’t you tell me what you can. Perhaps I can piece together the rest on my own. I’m one smart cookie, after all.” Her smile lifted my spirits and I nodded.
“It’s Soren,” I sighed heavily.
“Of course, it is. You love him,” she interjected knowingly.
“I don’t —”
“Honey, don’t even try to deny it. The two of you love each other and it’s so damn obvious,” she giggled.
“We don’t though. That’s just it. That’s the problem. He isn’t open to that. All we have is —” I stopped, careful of what I said and trying to follow my non-disclosure agreement. I searched for words that could skirt around the truth, but came up with little to no options.
“Complicated?” Sandra offered.
“Yes. It’s complicated. What we have isn’t romantic, no matter how much I wish it were. And what we have isn’t exactly exclusive. Well, it is, for now, but I don’t think it will be long term.”
“Hence the woman outside?” she offered.
“Yeah. I just don’t know what to do. I want this, Sandra. I want this so much more than I ever thought I could want something. He isn’t the man he presents himself as at work. Well, sometimes he is, because he’s just an arrogant prick at work sometimes.” We both giggled. “But under it all, he is something else. He is kind and compassionate, caring in a way you would never believe. And he makes me feel …”
Sandra squeezed me hand.
“He makes me feel everything. Absolutely everything. Frustrated, annoyed, cherished, important, heard, safe, just… everything.” The tears welled up again in my eyes and I let out an annoyed huff, swiping at them as they fell down my cheeks.
“Posey, have you told him that?” Sandra asked with genuine kindness.
“Of course not. Not in so many words at least. I mean, he knows how I feel,” I pandered.
“Does he? I hate to be the one to break it to you, but men are dumb. Absolutely clueless when it comes to picking up on the signs, we put down for them,” she laughed. “Tell him how you feel. Be honest and see what he says.”
“But what if he rejects me?” Pain filled my chest at the thought of losing Soren. Not just losing our dynamic, but losing him. Losing the connection we had built, losing the times we laughed together. Losing the way he was there when life fell apart. I didn’t want to lose him. But I didn’t think I could just look the other way while he played with other people. I wanted to be his and only his. I wanted him to be only mine. But perhaps that wasn’t in his nature. That meant I had a decision to make.
“You really should get some sleep, Posey. You rest and I’ll be here. I’ll stay up all night and make sure all is well.” I nodded my head at Sandra’s words and let my eyes close. Sleep felt miles away and equally absolutely imminent.
Sometime later I heard the door open quietly.
“How is she?” Soren’s voice asked quietly.
“She’s exhausted. Overwhelmed.” Sandra answered honestly.
“You’re welcome to go home, Sandra. Thank you so much. I can sit with her for the rest of the night,” he offered.
“No, I think it’s best that I stay. You go get some sleep,” Sandra objected.
“Please, I just want to make sure she’s okay,” Soren argued.
“Soren, she needs a little space. She went through hell tonight. Give her time. I have her. Trust me. Go get some sleep.”
There was silence after that, a long pause before I heard the door shut almost hesitantly. The sound of his voice gave me so much strength and tore me down at the same time. Why had that woman been here? Why had he clung to her like that? Was she still here?
The questions racked my brain incessantly until the tears fell once again.
Sandra reached out for my hand again, squeezing it gently, knowingly.
