Page 94 of Objection
“That’s not the same, Posey, and you know it. You living here had nothing to do with you killing David. That was self-defense. David was a danger to you.”
“Exactly. It wasn’t my fault. It was David’s fault. No matter how it happened; whether I had pushed him, ran into him, gone back home, or stayed here, it wouldn’t have stopped David from trying to hurt me. I did what I had to do to protect both myself and you. And as hard as it is for me to process right now, and as much as I will likely need years of therapy, I can honestly say that I would do it again without blinking. Why? Because it’s what I had to do. If you and Laurel hadn't fought that night, sure maybe things would be different, but maybe they wouldn’t. The point of all of this is that by forcing yourself to continually pay penance for something that happened that was out of your control, you are deciding to not live your current life. And from the story you just told, I can tell you that this choice of yours, this life of yours, isnotwhat Laurel would have wanted. No way.”
“I don't know how to let go of that. It’s why I do everything that I do,” I tried to explain, shrugging my shoulders.
“Tell me. I’m here to listen.” Posey sat beside me on the sofa, purely open to hearing everything I had to say.
“I dropped everything when Laurel died. I changed my life path. No, not completely. Regardless of the fact that it was what my family wanted, I still wanted to be a lawyer. But instead of pursuing a judgeship, I made my own path. I decided to practice law that made me feel like I was doing some kind of good in this world. I have no interest in being a judge, ever. And I refused to take any job, handout, or help from my family. Yes, I have funds that I was given upon birth. A few trust funds and a few inheritances. Sure, but I refused to take any further handouts my family offered, choosing instead to work hard to get where I am based on my merit alone.”
She nodded along, drinking up every word I spoke as I told my story, as I shared my truth.
“And I haven’t regretted that for a second.”
“I think it’s also why you probably got into this lifestyle,” she looked at me with pure honesty.
“How so?”
“Well, you had so little control in your upbringing. Your family chose your path for you. Granted, it was ultimately a path you were interested in, but you were pushed into it for all the wrong reasons. Since then, you’ve been grappling, trying to maintain control that you were so horrendously deprived of as a child. So, you take back the control you can. First in your career, and then in your sex life. Choosing not to engage in romantic relationships to save you from having the heartache you felt. Choosing to enter into the kink world and be a Dominant to give yourself control and give others the release of control they so desperately want. Everything you’ve done has been to maintain that tightly gripped control that you, yourself need so badly. What would happen if you just… I don’t know… let go?”
Her words hit me like a sharp blade, piercing through my excuses and making me feel small and helpless. It was definitely a new sensation for me, a new emotion.
“I don't’ know what would happen,” I answered honestly.
“So,” she began, taking my hand in hers. “Why don’t you try? Soren, you can have this lifestyle, this life you’ve built, and still have emotion and romance. I know that you can. You and Sam can have everything you could possibly want.”
Her words stopped me in cold confusion.
“Wait, what? Sam? What are you talking about?”
“You and Sam. You can have that romance you both want and still have the Dominant lifestyle with her. You can still have your other submissives. At the end of the day, Soren, you deserve everything this world can give. And you should take it. You should be happy.” The smile on her face equally warmed me and was like a hard slap in the face.
“Wait, wait. Go back. You think I want to be with Sam?!” The idea was absolutely asinine.
“Well, yes. I’ve seen how you look at her. I mean, hell Soren! You called her to come care for you after the hospital. That means something! And you should feel free to pursue that! I want you to be happy!” Her hand squeezed my upper arm. What did I do? I simply sat there, staring at her in shock.
“You’ve lost your damn mind, Posey Adams, if you think that I want romance with Samantha,” I explained.
“But —”
“But nothing. She is a very close friend, who yes, over the years, has been an occasional submissive to me. But she is my friend. We have known each other for over a decade. Hell, she knew me back when I was a baby Dom, still learning what the hell I was doing. She is happily partnered with a wonderful Dominant now, who is also a close friend of mine. Sam is nothing more than my friend. I cut out all of the submissives I saw part time when you and I began our own contract. You know that.” I looked at her closely, willing her to understand what I was saying.
“No, you said that you would pause them and readdress the issue after three months,” she fought back. Christ, this girl liked to debate. Just like Laurel. Perhaps that was why all of this had come back up. For the first time, I had found a woman who reminded me of Laurel and that scared me.
“You’re a lot like her, you know,” I commented randomly.
“Like who? Sam?” she questioned with a quirk of her eyebrow.
“No, well, now that you mention it, yes a little. But you’re like Laurel. She always loved to debate with me, and you have that same fire that seems to come out of nowhere. This sweet, beautiful woman who seems so mild tempered, but when she gets riled up, you better watch out. Total spitfire.”
“But, Soren, you need to remember. I am not Laurel. And you are not the young Soren you once were.” She had a point.
“Please hear me, though. I do not want to be with Sam. The only person I could even imagine having that with is—” I stopped abruptly, not wanting to speak the words.
“Is…” she led on.
“Is you. I don’t want everyone, or anyone, else,” I finally admitted. And it was true. “If I can have everything you said, if I can have everything I haven’t allowed myself to want, there is only one person I want that with. I want that with you, Posey.”
You could have heard a pin drop in the room, it was so quiet. I felt like neither of us even breathed in that time, letting my words just sit there, hanging in the air.
