Page 16 of Leviticus
“Yeah, it’s quite a room. I wanted a room that was pure relaxation,” I chuckled lightly.
“I think you may have succeeded,” she retorted, her eyes wide as saucers.
“Towels are here and the shower is just through there. If you need anything, please let me know,” I explained quickly.
“You won’t be joining me?” she asked with obvious surprise. I took a deep breath and grounded myself.
“Ruth, I took something from you tonight that will affect us both for the rest of our days. I will take nothing more. You deserve a moment of peace. I will be here when you are finished.” Before I could take a single step, her arms were around my middle, hugging me close and whispering soft thanks against my shirt.
I nodded awkwardly and left her there to her business.
I waited until I heard her shuffling and heard the shower turn on before I made my way downstairs to the second full bathroom. I stripped my clothing off in a rush, needed to get into the shower as quickly as possible. I stepped into the shower stall and under the scalding spray before I took a deep breath and let out a silent scream. The kind that had air rushing through your throat with no sound coming forth, save the harshness of breath. It was the kind that made your throat ache. Almost as much as your heart did.
I didn’t even reach for a washcloth or a loofah. I picked up the soap and lathered it over my skin with my fingers, rubbing harshly against it. I could feel it there, like it was seeping into the core of my being. Like the word would be forever branded upon my skin like it already felt branded upon my soul. Rapist.
I had broken every vow I had taken as a Dominant. I did not protect her tonight. I did not keep her safe. I did not act with her best intentions in mind, or her with her consent. I had let others touch her without her consent. I had done —-
I pulled back the shower curtain, stumbling out of the shower tub combo, suds still sliding down my body as I fell to the floor and retched into the toilet like the disgrace I was. I gasped for air as my stomach finished emptying its contents and left me in woeful despair. On shaky legs, I stood back up and stepped under the spray, cleansing myself all over again. My nails dug into my skin as I tried to rid myself of the hatred I felt at taking something so precious from a person. I knew I would have to do it. I knew it. But the actual act of doing so was so much worse than anything I could have imagined. Only when my skin felt raw and chafed did I stop.
I dried myself off, swishing water in my mouth until the acidic taste of vomit left my tastebuds. I looked into the mirror at my hunched over form. I hated the man I saw staring back at me. Thoughts of how the man that I despised so much deserved to be punished. But that wouldn’t help Ruth. It wouldn’t help the plan move along. All it would do was punish me. And as good as that sounded right about now, it wasn’t the right course of action.
In nothing but a towel wrapped carefully around my waist, I made my way back upstairs to my bedroom. The falling drops of the shower still sounded from the ensuite bathroom, letting me know I had time. I quickly located a pair of sleep pants, boxers, and a plain navy blue tee. I had just tugged the sleep pants over my boxers when the door to the bathroom opened and there she stood.
Fresh from her shower, her hair still towel damp, and clad in a satin negligee. Simple and plain, the scrap of fabric still covered her from relatively high on her chest down to her mid-thigh. It was a chemise and though I had seen women clad in far more risque clothing, there was something about the fact that this woman of Zion — this pure and chaste woman stood here before me in something that made her vulnerable.
“Ruth, you look…” my words trailed off as I searched for the right words.
“I feel a little foolish in this whole getup, but Mama said it was important to give over to a man’s desires,” she admitted with a blush. And like a bucket of cold water, that arousal was doused.
“We should talk,” I began, pulling my shirt over my head and sitting on the edge of the bed as we were just a short while ago. I didn’t miss the way her eyes had looked at my torso; how her eyes moved down over my body with a shy wonder. There was a large part of me that wanted to answer that curiosity, but that was not something I could do.
“Have I done something wrong?” she asked quietly, sitting beside me.
“No, not in the slightest. As far from wrong as a person can get,” I soothed, taking her small hand in mine. “I want you to know a few things as we start this journey together. Ruth, I will not force anything on you. Ever. Nothing will ever happen to you like what you experienced this evening. You have my word.”
“But Mama said —” she protested, but I held a finger to her lips, silencing her words.
“No. No buts. And no more of what your mother told you. I am a man, yes, but I am a man who can control himself and who will respect you. I will never force myself on you. Ever. Do you understand?” I realized my finger still rested against her lips. Her lips were full and her breaths came quicker than before. She wasn’t used to my touch, to anyone’s touch for that matter.
I moved my hand to cup her cheek, my thumb resting against her full lower lip as she answered.
“Yes, I understand, Leviticus.” Her blush spread over her cheekbones and down the slender column of her neck. My fingertips followed the progression curiously, wondering how much further it would lead if I were to kiss her.
“That’s another thing,” I began, my eyes finding hers once more. My thumb brushed over her lower lip as I smiled at her. “Call me Levi.”
“Levi.” The way she sighed my name like a prayer had my will breaking. No — not breaking, bending. I leaned forward slowly, allowing her the ability to pull away, to turn her head, to do anything at all to show me she did not want me to kiss her, but she didn’t. No, the angel of a woman, my wife, let her eyes flutter closed and leaned forward.
I was going to hell.
My fingers slid to the back of her neck as I pulled her in closer and brushed my lips against her softer, fuller ones. Once, twice.
On the third brush, I situated my lips over hers, slanting them only slightly so that I could deepen the kiss. Her lips parted beneath my own and somehow I steeled myself against the rising need to slip my tongue between her parted lips and taste her for the first time.
I was just about to lose that battle when she let out the tiniest whimper. It wasn’t a whimper of fear, nor of worry. No, that whimper I knew well. It was the sound of a woman wanting more. The way I wanted to dive in deeper; to answer that call had me fisting the comforter beneath my hand and pulling away slowly. I pressed one last, almost chaste kiss against her lips and sat back.
Her eyes fluttered back open, and I smirked at the way she struggled to find her way back to reality for a split second.
“Thank you, Ruth. Now, I’m sure you’re just as emotionally and physically tired as I am. How about we call it a night tonight and get some rest? Tomorrow I will give you a tour of the house and we will talk more.” She nodded and I stood, heading to the doorway.
