Page 26 of Leviticus
CHAPTER8
RUTH
I had been married for a week. A full seven days, and still my husband refused to — well, he refused to do anything! Mama had told me, and then Adah had verified that the honeymoon period would be very uncomfortable for me. They had told me that I would need to be ready for my husband, to keep his home clean, his meals prepared, and to keep his lust slated. Where was the passion? Where was this lust they talked about? I had thought he wouldn’t be able to keep his hands off of me. That’s what they had made it sound like, and to be honest, I wasn’t afraid of it. To be wanted by a man like Leviticus Temple?
Sure, his reputation preceded him, but there was more than that now. In the week we had lived together, I had learned much about him. He was a quiet man, and a meticulous one at that. Everything in his home, or rather our home now, had a place and was neat and orderly. It made life for me much simpler, knowing that his home was in tidy order. My sister, Adah’s husband, had been a bit of a slob when she had married him. Sure, their home was lovely, now, but it had taken work according to Adah.
Lovely.
Just thinking the word brought back memories of the name Levi had started to call me. There had been moments after that evening against the bedroom wall; moments where he seemed to let his guard down and show tiny snippets of attraction towards me. It was hard not to take it personally when they were few and far between.
There had been times that he would look at me with this fire burning deep in his blue eyes. Such burning that it took my breath away and made me feel things I had only felt in his embrace. And still he didn’t come for me; he didn’t touch me.
The only times I had felt his arms around me since that day had been in the early, hazy morning hours each morning; when his arms wrapped around me and held me close. When his breath fanned against the back of my neck and made me feel sensual and cared for there in his embrace.
I found myself spending more and more time journaling, unaware of a better way to spend my time. That isn’t entirely true. I knew how I wanted to spend my time. I wanted him to kiss me again. To kiss me like he had that evening against the wall, where his thigh had slid between mine and he had made me see the very stars of the heavens as I fell apart in his arms.
Only this time, I didn’t want to be left alone and questioning my very existence. That singular experience was unlike anything I had ever dreamed. It wasn’t anything like my mother or my sister had described. It was intense and raw. I had felt like my very soul had been laid bare for his gaze and his pleasure. And what pleasure it had been.
The fact that he was almost the polar opposite at other times was befuddling. It felt like I was married to two different men. The one who I saw every day; the cold and difficult and distant man. And the man who had pressed me into that wall. Who touched me with passion and fire and brought the heavens down to earth and directly between my thighs.
Why couldn’t he just open up to me? Why did he refuse to even speak to me most of the time? Our conversations were menial at the best of times, nonexistent at others. And I was aggravated by it.
Living here was difficult. More difficult than I had imagined, and yet, not difficult at all. That seemed to be the problem with Leviticus. Cold one minute, and hot the next. So incredibly hot. Hot in the way that made your mouth water as your favorite dinner was being placed on the table. Was that what Leviticus was to me? My favorite dish? I was not sure.
He had me in knots after dinner, nearly a week after that night. The night he had sent me off while he did the dishes. It felt odd. It felt off. Whatever word I wanted to put to it, I just knew I did not like how it felt. I did not want to feel like a fish on dry land, sputtering about not knowing what to do, or how to feel. Levi did not have that problem. Not by a long shot.
Levi was sure of himself. He knew exactly what he was doing when he touched me. He knew when he pushed me against the wall exactly how my pulse would race, how my mouth would go dry. How my core would clench and ready myself for him. I blushed even all these days later at the memory of how wet I had become for him. I should have been ashamed of it, but I wasn’t. I was anything but ashamed. I only wished that I was as suave as he was. I wished that I knew what would make him gasp. I chuckled at myself at that thought. I wished I knew what would makemegasp.
The thought took hold in my mind and I could not help myself. I peeked out of the bedroom door, hearing Levi talking with what sounded like one of his brothers on the phone. He would be busy for at least a short while. Plus, it was not like he was looking for reasons to be around me these last few days. I shut the bedroom door quietly, noting the lock on it and flipping it to locked. I looked at our bedroom, wondering where to even start.
I laid back on the bed, and took a deep breath. There was no time like the present. I let my hands move over my stomach, feeling stupid. I had no idea what I was doing, or where to even start. What did Levi do that I liked? That seemed like as good a place as any to start.
I closed my eyes and pretended that my hands were no longer my own; that they were Levi’s. The smoothness of my own fingers transformed in my mind to Levi’s more calloused ones. They moved over my throat and down to my collarbone. My touch stayed light, making goosebumps erupt over my skin as I traced lower over the neckline of my dress and down the center of my chest.
I found myself almost immediately annoyed by the amount of fabric between my hands and my body. I sat up, tugging at the garment when a thought flooded my brain. A thought of Levi removing this dress. But he did not pull it over my head as I was now doing. No, in my mind he grabbed a tight hold of the neckline of my dress and ripped. My breath fluttered at the thought. I could almost imagine the buttons scattering over the floor as the fabric ripped beneath his tight grip and under the sheer strength of his hands.
The small fantasy had me almost panting; half in wanton need and half in irritability at the struggle it was to get this stupid dress over my head when all I could think of was Levi’s hands on me.
In mere moments, I was laying back on the bed, sans dress, and my hands were once more following the line of my throat, down my collarbone, and down the center of my chest. My forearms grazed the tips of my nipples through the bra that I wore, making them stand at attention. I sighed, the sensation felt pleasant enough, but it was not anything like how Levi made me feel. His touch was not light and easy. It was … it was…
As my fingers moved down my ribcage, I changed my trajectory, moving them back up along my breasts, but this time my fingernails dug in. I gasped, my back arching of its own accord. My thighs clenched together. That was better. My nails raked along my bra covered nipples, and I knew I needed more. I pulled the cups of my bra down, the straps sliding down my shoulders until I could free my arms and release my breasts.
With my eyes closed tightly, I let my fingers run over the hardened peaks of my nipples, grasping the nubs tightly between my fingers and pinching lightly.
“Oh!” I gasped, feeling my core clench tighter at the sensation. Harder, I pinched, making me squirm as those tendrils of arousal flicked and swirled through my body, making me want more. I twisted and felt myself grow wetter.
This. This was what I wanted.
One hand moved down my body, envisioning the way Levi had touched me. With only high thigh wedged between my legs, he had brought me to such heights. My hand slid beneath my panties and found my lower lips damp with my arousal. I moved my fingers over myself, pressing with my whole hand much like his thigh had.
I gasped again when one of my fingers slid through my lips and found my clit. I was soaking wet. Far more than I had thought I would be, but it was the feel of that swollen little nub under my fingertip that had my eyes popping open in needy surprise. That spot, that was the one that Levi had found.
I circled my finger over it with none of the finesse that Levi possessed, but that did not matter. I explored. This way and that. In circles, up and down, side to side. My hips arched into my own touch and I felt alive.
Faster and faster I went, my other hand still plucking at my nipple as my fingers grew bolder. I did not think about what I was doing, I simply felt. And in my mind, I saw him. I saw Levi there above me, touching me, loving me. Making me find that incredible place where stars burst in the sky and my toes curled. That place where I screamed his name and forgot my own.
But, I could not find it. My fingers kept moving, but the precipice I had begun to find disappeared beneath my fingertips as quickly as I had begun to find it. Slowly, my body came back down from the heights it had sought but not found. I was frustrated. More than I had been before. But, as I caught my breath, my body still somewhat shaky, I realized that I had done this. I had touched myself and found pleasure, even if it was not the pinnacle I had hoped for. And for whatever reason, that thought alone, made me feel invincible. I made my way to the bathroom, to clean up, reveling in my newfound power.
