Page 37 of Gideon
I don’t know what it was about her that made me lose control like that, but Christ, I did. Try as I might, I couldn’t hold back with her. I mean, I supposed I could, if I really set my mind to it, but I just didn’t have the control I needed. I should never have given in to her sass. That inner brat in her pushed the inner brat in me and I just could not back down from the challenge she issued. I needed to get my fucking head on straight with her. I needed to explain things to her. She didn’t have any idea how this whole world worked, and there I was, tying her up like a pro rope bottom, not like the complete newbie she actually was. I needed to handle her with care, when everything inside of me wanted to push her into a wall and ravage her instead.
I gathered the tattered remains of the rope I had cut away from her, dumping them into the garbage bin. It was one of my favorite ropes and had looked fucking exquisite against her skin. I wanted nothing more than to tie beautiful knots and weavings over her body like a tapestry. She would look amazing, strung up to the ceiling in an exhibition, showing off my greatest masterpiece yet. But that was little more than a pipe dream currently.
Note to self, order new red nylon rope, I mentally notated. I couldn’t help but think of her in other colors. Christ, a deep emerald green against that skin? With that red hair? Fuck, I would be unable to keep my hands off of her.
I put the shears back into my rope kit and then re-dressed. The room smelled like her; smelled like us.
I wanted this. I wanted to show her this world, just as my brothers had introduced their wives to it. But she didn’t want to talk. She wanted time. She had explicitly said so. You’d think for as much patience and control as I had as a rigger, such a simple thing would be easy. In reality, it was anything but. I was worried about her. She had fled to our bedroom, likely locking the door behind her, so she could sit there and stew about things she didn’t understand. I just needed her to put aside all her snark and sass and listen to what I had to say.
I glanced at the clock on the microwave and noted that I had dallied in here long enough. It had been nearly an hour since she had scampered off. I needed to talk to her. And I needed to do it now, before the near-inevitable drop happened.
I pulled the cellphone from my jeans pocket, pulling up Levi’s number. I needed my eldest brother’s logic and calm levity in this moment.
“Hey, Gideon. How’s it going?” he asked. Something in his tone made it sound like he already knew that things were going down. He had a second sense about this shit.
“Chaos abounds, brother,” I sighed heavily.
“Tell me about it. I’m all ears,” he responded with that calmness I needed.
“Tell me I’m not a complete and utter shit,” I grumbled.
“I can’t do that. You’ve always been a little shit,” he teased with a chuckle.
“Yeah, I know. But this feels impossible. I need my big brother on this one,” I all but begged of him.
“Okay, all jokes aside. What’s going on?” he asked, his laughter making way for the more serious tone I always associated with Levi.
“I did it again. Well, sort of. I told her about my kink. And we had a scene. Sort of. No, not sort of. We did. But I didn’t tell her everything.” The words poured out of my mouth in a jumbled mess, much like I felt.
“Did it go badly, then?” he asked, without judgment. This was why I had called him. Ollie and Zeke both would have jumped to conclusions. Kai would have just laughed at me. Levi was the person for this.
“Not entirely. But in the end, she panicked and ran,” I admitted somberly.
“Ran like Talia? Or…” he urged me to continue.
“No. She panicked at the ropes. It was a simple tie. Just her arms behind her back, nothing intricate or complicated. But she ran, stating she needed time.” I waited in silence as he thought over my words.
“Time is a worthy thing to ask for, as you know. But does she know about aftercare? Does she know about drop? What was her mood when she fled?” he questioned. Again, there was no judgment in his tone, only seeking to understand.
“It wasn’t like Talia, if that’s what you’re getting at. But I didn’t tell her about drop, and we barely touched on aftercare.
“How long has it been? Since she fled?” he asked.
“Just over an hour, and Levi, I can’t stand it. I need to go talk to her. But I don’t want to disrespect her wishes. But it’s my job, as a Dominant — as a rigger who tied her — to take care of her. So what do I do? Do I demand she talk to me? Or do I leave her be? Leave her to the drop she’s no doubt already beginning to feel but not understand?” I asked, feeling the impossible choice weighing me down like a rock in the very lake outside of this boat.
“I think you already know what you need to do, brother,” Levi spoke with a certainty I envied.
“I need to talk to her,” I spoke, trying to ignore the part of me that wanted to listen to Naomi’s wishes.
“You do. And you need to do it soon. But do so with a cool head. I know she riles you up. But tamp it down. Get control of yourself and talk to her with kindness and understanding. Be there for her in the way she needs.” His words were both a request and instructions to be followed.
“I try! But she makes it so goddamn difficult sometimes!” I complained, running a hand through my hair and tugging at the strands as my frustration surged.
“What a person needs is not always what they speak, Gideon. It’s true for all of us, even you. Sometimes our words come from a place of panic and distrust, not from a place of truth. See beyond her words and listen to her needs.” My brother’s wisdom rang true, pushing past my frustration and sinking down into the depths of my soul. I knew it to be true in the world of kink. Hell, I had learned to read a submissive to the point that she usually didn’t even need to speak. I knew how to be so in tune with my submissives that I could anticipate their needs with not a word between us. And if I were honest with myself, I knew what to do now.
“I need to put aside Gideon and Naomi and focus on the Dominant and submissive. That’s what we were in that scene. That’s what we still are and will be until this scene is complete,” I answered, finally feeling the confidence and certainty I’d sought course through my veins.
“Now you’re talking like the Dominant I know you are, Gideon,” Levi quietly praised. I hated to admit it, but I valued his opinion on this. More than I could express. All of us were formidable Dominants in our own right, well known in the Abditory community. But Levi held a clout in the local kink world that I did not. His expertise and his approval mattered.
