Page 41 of Gideon
“It is?” She asked, her eyes flying to mine in surprise.
“Yeah, even with experienced submissives and rope bottoms. The feeling of that lack of control can be overwhelming when you start to come down from the deep place. With this being the first time you were tied, it’s not at all surprising,” I offered.
“So you’re not mad?” she asked, the look on her face filled with so much worry that it nearly broke my heart. Did she honestly think she had disappointed or angered me?
“Do you think I’m upset, Naomi?” I asked her genuinely.
“I don’t know. I’m worried, I guess. I freaked out and ran.” Her eyes stayed trained on where our hands interlaced, unwilling to look at me.
“Look at me, Naomi,” I gently commanded her. Before I continued, I waited until her eyes met mine. “I am not upset or mad. I’m not disappointed. You had big feelings because of our play and that is not only natural and somewhat expected, it’s something I accept and I understand. It was big for me too,” I admitted. Her eyes widened at my admission.
“It was?” she asked with an innocent honesty that was as refreshing as it was endearing.
“It was. Aftercare isn’t just for submissives. It’s for Dominants too. We are in control of what happens. And when those fierce, sexy, dominant feelings come crashing down, it can lead to us worrying that we pushed you too far; that perhaps we harmed you or did the wrong thing. The high confidence and adrenaline crashes into insecurity for us, too,” I reassured her, pulling her hand to my lips and kissing the top of it, my lips turning up into a gentle smile.
“I guess I didn’t think about it like that,” she said, her lips finally turning into the smallest smile.
“It’s a complex thing, one that I take seriously. I told you I’m not going anywhere, Naomi, and I meant it,” I said with earnest.
“I didn’t hate it, though,” she admitted.
“You didn’t? Tell me what you liked,” I urged her, wanting to know her thoughts, every one of them.
“I don’t know how to explain that. I liked how hot it was,” she huffed on in a laugh. “I liked the same thing I hated. And that doesn’t make any sense to me.”
“It makes sense to me,” I shrugged.
“How so?” she asked, her voice pleading with me for insight that would aid in her understanding.
“Because it can feel amazing in one moment, and then bad the next. Both can exist and be true. Tell me both sides and let’s figure this out. Together,” I smiled at her.
“The control you had. At first I wanted to fight it,” she admitted.
Because you’re a natural brat,I thought to myself, but kept that particular tidbit to myself. At least for the time being.
“But then it felt good. I don’t know, it’s like I let go and just…” she trailed off.
“Trusted. You let go and gave in to the moment. Naomi, it was fucking beautiful,” I sighed happily with the memory of her beautiful moments of submission.
“It was?” she asked, her eyes searching mine once again for the truth.
“Beyond a shadow of a doubt,” I assured her with my own answering grin. “Tell me about the bad parts.”
“When it was over, I got scared. I was afraid I would get hurt. I was afraid I couldn’t protect myself,” she admitted, looking away from me.
“That makes sense. What can I do to make you feel more secure and safe?” I urged her, wanting desperately to give her that sense of security and peace.
“I’m not sure. Can I have some time to think about it?” she asked honestly.
“Take all the time you want. Would it be okay if I slept in here tonight or would you rather I sleep on the Ataraxia?”
“You can stay here.” She gave me a smile, and I felt my shoulder relax that last bit of the way.
We readied for bed in silence, both of us thinking about our time together. Both of us resting in the tentative assurance we had given to one another.
For the first time since I had married this woman, I found myself looking forward to tomorrow. To whatever it may bring.
CHAPTER11
