Page 29 of Carrick
That hit harder than I expected.
“Yeah,” I said quietly. “Exactly that.”
Deacon tilted his head slightly. “So. What keeps you steady?”
I hesitated.
It would be easy to deflect. To lie. To say that I hadn’t figured that out yet. But something about Deacon made it impossible to be anything other than honest.
“Kink.”
He didn’t blink. Didn’t raise a brow, or shift uncomfortably. Just kept watching. Waiting.
“I’ve been in the community for years,” I continued. “I know what I need. What works. It’s not about sex—not always, anyway—it’s about control. Structure. Submission. Being seen and held andusedwith intention. I haven’t had a scene in months. I haven’t even beentouchedin even longer. My body feels wrong. My head’s a mess. Everything’s too loud and too tight and I don’t know where to put it.”
He nodded slowly, like he was cataloging the truth I’d just handed him.
“You want pain?” he asked, no judgment in the question.
“I wantpermission,” I said. “To stop carrying everything for just one fucking hour. I want someone to take it from me—carefully, deliberately. I want to stop spiraling. I want to let go and know someone is going to catch me.”
He studied me a moment longer, a knowing glint in his eye. “And Carrick offered?”
“How did you know?”
“I may be quiet, but I notice things most don’t pick up on.” He shrugged noncommittally. “You trust him?”
I hesitated. Not because I didn’t know the answer—but because I did.
“More than I probably should.”
Deacon pushed off the stall wall and took a few steps closer, still keeping a respectful distance.
“Carrick’s not casual. Not about kink,” he said. “He doesn’t do anything half-assed. If you go to him, you better mean it. But I can tell you this: he’ll give you what you ask for.”
“Is he safe?” I asked, needing the answer more than I wanted to admit.
“Incredibly safe. But he’ll leave a mark.”
I met his gaze head-on. “I’m already marked.”
He didn’t look surprised.
Deacon glanced out toward the pasture, where the light was starting to shift from gold to gray. “Then go to him. But don’t go into it looking for numbness. He won’t give you that. He’ll make youfeel.All of it.”
And wasn’t that the scariest part? I wanted pain. I wanted control taken. But I also wantedhim.
His voice. His hands. The way he looked at me like I was already known. Already claimed. Like I was more than some broken woman in hiding.
Maybe that was the real danger Deacon was warning me about.
I turned back toward the barn doors, the cold wind rushing in to greet me, slicing through my clothes and sending goosebumps across my skin.
Maybe I didn’t care.
Maybe I was ready for the fire.
Carrick was in the shop,working on one of the cars that had come in through the guy’s actual business, Reaper’s Repair and Restoration.
