Page 66 of Hat Trick
It’s not that he doesn’t trust me, I remind myself. It’s that he doesn’t know how to trust that the universe won’t rip me away from him in the blink of an eye. Ican’t even imagine. Thethoughtof even losing one of my parents in such a horrific way makes me want to crawl out of my skin. I don’t blame Dom for being so reluctant to let us in.
My poor, sweet Dominic. The one who constantly wears this happy facade. The one who will drop anything he’s doing to comfort you in a time of need. He’s the one who’s needed our love the most this whole time.
“But what about today set him off? We had a great day yesterday, and this morning?—”
“Today was the anniversary of his death…” He lets that float through the air, and I’m still confused about why that sent him spiraling, when Emerson clarifies, “His phone was dead the whole day… He forgot his dad’s death anniversary, Lil. His mom texted him to make sure he was okay, and to ask if he wanted to go visit his grave.”
I finish the rest of what he’s thinking, “But he was too busy hanging out with us to remember…”
Shit.
I hate that his first instinct is to run instead of leaning on us to help him through the rough times, but I don’t think he’s used to having anyone in his corner besides his mom and Emerson. But Emerson, his best friend, is now a package deal with me, and I think that has a lot to do with how this whole thing has blown up.
“He said he was done… Lil, I can’t lose him.” The pain lacing Emerson’s face is enough to bring me to my knees, because, neither can I. But, I stand tall, I’m not the one the attention needs to be on at the moment. I want to get all of us through this in one piece, as the throuple we are, and for us to thrive together.
We’re notuswithouthim.
Moving to him, I hold Emerson’s face in my hands, stroking his cheeks with the pad of my thumbs. “We aren’t going to lose him, Em.”
“I think we already have…” I can hear the defeat in his voice, and I don’t like it one bit.
All my mind keeps floating back to is a little pre-teen Dom, scared, having just lost his dad—his role-model—now having to be the man of the house, all while entering one of the hardest times of a child’s life. Without his father there to guide him through it. His mom sure as hell stepped up and raised a hell of a man, but that man, to his core, is still that wounded twelve-year-old deep down. Who is so scared to open his heart and let anyone in to see his true colors.
I want to drown in those colors… the colors that make up the beautiful person that Dom is—but he won’t let us. Not fully. You would never know by Dom’s personality, and how well he hides all this pain, that he’s been through what he’s been through. I wish so deeply that he would’ve let me crack him open and help, but it seems a little too late to be wishing the past didn’t happen.
Mine and Emerson’s phones both ding with an incoming text message. It doesn’t take a genius to figure out who it is. I pull mine out of my back pocket, and Emerson and I read the message in unison.
Dom the Don
I’m sorry.
*Dom the Donhas left the group chat.
We both stare down at my phone screen, not knowing what to say, and when our gazes meet, that’s when the floodgates open. The rest of the day goes by in a blur, and of course, it’s the end of the weekend, and everyday life is on the other side of daybreak. The two of us move about my apartment in silence. Neither one of us speaking, but too afraid to part. Only the soft sounds of the occasional sob fill my apartment. I get my groceries for the week delivered, force Emerson to shower with me, and we both crawl into my bed.
When our heads hit the pillow, and the smell of Dom surrounds us, the silent tears run down my face once more. I meet Em’s eyes, and he has matching tears falling from the corners of his eyes as well.
What the fuck are we going to do?
But as I stare at Emerson as he lies next to me, the two of us share a silent conversation, because we already know the answer. So, for one last night, I wrap my arm and leg around his body, crawling into his skin.
How am I going to live with out this? Without them?
Both of them.
I need them like I need my next breath, but without Dom, we can’t.
We made the rules. It was the one thing that we agreed to.
If one’s out, everyone’s out.
CHAPTER 41
WHO NEEDS RULES?
EMERSON
Ididn’t sleep a fucking wink. I couldn’t.
