Page 70 of Hat Trick
I’ve been so wrapped up in Dom and Emerson and my job that I haven’t had the time to explain our whole situation to my mom, which is rare for me. She’s my best friend, and it makes me feel even worse knowing I’ve kept this from her. But in that same breath, I didn’t realize we were going to take whatever fun we were having to the next step.
Finally being able to get words out, I explain, “We—Dominic, Emerson, and I aren’t together anymore…” I brace myself, waiting for a shocked expression to take over her face at the mention of the fact that the three of us are together. But it doesn’t come. Instead, her eyes soften, and she nods in understanding.
“Is-is this a new thing?” she asks, and I nod my head, not wanting to speak because I know I’ll just start crying again. “Well, I don’t know what happened, and I know it’s fresh right now, but I will say if your person istrulyyours, they’ll find their way back to you.” She gives me a sad smile. “Even if that’s two people.”
?1 With my hands in my lap, picking my nails, I start to explain a little of the situation. “Emerson said something similar… and I still don’t know if I believe him, but he’s trying to get through to Dom.”
“They’ve been friends for a long time, whatever it is, Emerson will get it through his head.” I haven’t said much, but somehow she knows it would be Emerson fixing the situation. That’s who Emerson is—he fixes whatever needs to be fixed. And right now, that is Dominic Foster and that wounded heart of his.
My dad takes a seat beside my mom, placing his hand on her shoulder. “I’m just an old man at this point, but if those two boys have any sense about them, they wouldn’t let someone as amazing as you go.” His brows raise when my eyes meet his. “If they don’t, daddy-o can still whoop some ass when I need to,” he says as he flexes his biceps dramatically. I can’t help it, a soft smile crawls across my face at my dad’s antics.
I really start to laugh when my mom smacks his chest and rolls her eyes. I’m quick to add, “No ass beatings are needed—I promise.” Unsurprisingly, I’m already feeling better. Just being here, with them, seems to have lifted some of the weight off of my chest just enough that it feels like I can breathe for the first time in three days. I knew my family was just what I needed.
But it only lasts another moment, as I watch my mom and dad look at one another. Tearsgather in my eyes yet again, and I think to myself how badly I want the love that they have. I want to experience the love that shines through their eyes when they look at one another. I want the love that you don’t have to question whether it will be there, even on your worst days. I want a lover who’s a built-in best friend.
I don’t just want it, Ineedit.
And I fucking had it.
I had it twice over. Until it blew up in my face. But what’s love without some trials? Especially this early on. I know we can get through all of this at the end; Dom just needs to learn that it’s okay to be afraid. It’s okay to lean on the ones you love. To let them be part of the hard times. I’ll give him a few more days, and after that it’s going to be me annoying the shit out of him until he gets it through his thick skull that we love him, and that you can’t hold love back because you’re scared of losing people.
I decide right here and now that it’s settled. Three days is enough. Enough time to wallow and drown myself in sorrows. Now it’s time to pull myself up. Because when he does come back to us,which he will, he needs to see that I understand. I might be beyond pissed at him, but I understand. I understandwhyhe’s afraid. But I also need him to understand that courage is not defined by the lack of fear. But rather by the ability to actdespitefear.
And that’s what I tell myself, over and over again while I help my mom cook dinner for the three of us, like the old days. I leave their house that night feeling a lot lighter and a little more optimistic.
1 Gunpowder & Lead - Miranda Lambert
CHAPTER 43
IT’S OKAY TO BE AFRAID
DOMINIC
I’ve spent the better part of three days going over every single thing that’s happened between Lil, Emerson, and I since Turks and Caicos. Hell, my train of thought has gone all the way back to the day I met Lil a little over a year ago, and Emerson freshman year. I’ve done my best to analyze every moment. Every laugh. Every argument. Every kiss. Every conversation had. And each time being around them has made me think of my dad.
Because he would have loved both of them.
And the fact that being with them,fallingfor them, made me think of the man I lost, made me terrified of losing them both, should have been sign enough that there was no turning back. But when the two people that have consumed my every thought and desire, made me forget the man I was positive I never would, well, it was the equivalent of every feeling I havepushed to the side slamming into me like a brick wall. Because I do love them. I love them with everything inside of me.
I love them so much that my dad dying is no longer the most important thing that’s happened to me.
It’s falling for them.
Emerson was right. Dad would be ashamed of the way I behaved.
Don’t get me wrong, Em still deserved to get decked in the fucking mouth, but I honestly think that was his goal. He would never say anything like that to me unless he felt like he needed to. I know that much for certain.
I also know that Dad would have punched me in the face himself if he knew that I’ve been avoiding Mom for the past three days. She knows I’m not dead because I’ve sent her the occasional “I can’t right now, Mom,” but that’s all I’ve given her. And she deserves more than that. Especially after I left her all alone the other day.
Which is exactly why I’m currently sitting on the edge of my bed, my thumb hovering over the call button on her contact information. Because I know if I have any chance of fixing all of this, she’s where I need to start. There would be no me without her. She’s been my constant through the storm, and I know that I won’t be okay until I know she is.
“Jesus Christ, Dominic. It’s just your mother. Get a grip,” I mutter to myself before taking a deep breath and finally pressing the call button.
It rings and rings, and just when I think she’s not going to pick up, the voice that’s gotten me through mydarkest days greets me. “Dominic?” There’s what sounds like music playing in the background along with countless people talking around her. “Hold on, Sweetie. Let me get somewhere quiet.”
She’s out? Having fun? This week of all weeks. Now that I think about it, she did mention she was hanging out with her friends when I didn’t answer her text the other day. I was too consumed with myself to think anything of it. But now that I have, it’s… strange.
For years, all she did during this week every year was sit around the house and look at pictures of him. She’d tell endless stories about him. She’d let herself sit in the memory of him as long as she could. Then after a week, she’d pull herself together and move on with her life.
