Page 37 of Surrender
“You love her, right?” James asked, his voice barely above a whisper.
I turned my head, and the hideous blue leather recliner I was sitting on squeaked obnoxiously. “Do I love who?” I asked casually, though my insides were twisting with nerves.
He snorted so loudly that the other patients in the room all looked up.
“Don’t play dumb, Nate. You know who,” he insisted. His eyes had dark circles around them, and they’d sunken in a little since he started losing so much weight. Yet, he still managed to look over at me and roll them dramatically to let me know he wasn’t fucking stupid. “You think I missed it? You and Darcy aren’t that slick.”
I wasn’t sure what to say, and instead opted for letting my eyes wander around the small room that had become so familiar. Once a week, I was here, trading jabs and talking shit while James was pumped full of chemicals.
The last thing I wanted was to lose my best friend before his time was up—and there wasn’t much left, which was why Darcy and I hadn’t told anyone about us.
I’m not even really sure we even knew whatuswas.
“Look,” I finally said, turning to face him and being met with this stupid fucking grin I knew so well. “Fucker,” I cursed quietly under my breath.
James chuckled, though it quickly turned into a cough, and he winced, his hand tightening around the thin hospital-issue blanket draped over his lap. “I’m not mad, dumbass,” he said, his voice a little croaky, but he still managed a smile. “I’mglad to be honest, because I was going to have this chat with you anyway, but now I at least know you’ll be able to get through to her, and she’ll listen.”
I scoffed, shaking my head. “Sometimes you underestimate her, you know. She’s got a stubborn streak.”
Darcy was anything but a pushover, but only when it mattered.
Would she stand up for herself if someone were being mean? Not likely.
Had there been several times where I’d shown up after a fight with my dad, sporting some new bruises, and worried that she was going to carry out a hit on him the next day? Absolutely.
“That’s exactly why I need you to do something for me,” James continued, his face pinching in pain as he shifted in his chair to face me. “Mom told me she got an invite to this special dance school in New York, and I need you to make sure she goes.”
“Okay—”
“Seriously,” he snapped, the sharpest I’d heard him in weeks. “You promise me that no matter what, you’ll make sure she gets there. She has been dreaming about that school since I can remember, but just lately, I can tell she’s been second-guessing everything. I need to know that she’s going to go and live out that dream. I need to be sure that when I’m gone, she’s still going to achieve everything she ever wanted. I’m not gonna see it, but at least before I go, I can imagine it’s real.”
I couldn’t speak because the lump in my throat had grown too thick to swallow.
All I could do was hold his gaze and nod.
Thankfully, that was enough for him because he closed his eyes and sank back into the pillow behind him, letting out aheavy sigh. “There is one more thing.”
Clearing my throat, I finally managed one word. “What?”
“If you fuck it up,” he murmured. “I’ll haunt your sorry ass so bad that you’ll be scared to take a piss alone.”
The laughter came, even though my eyes burned, and I wanted to be fucking sick at the thought of not having this, having him, in a few short months.
“I’d expect nothing less.”
“I know you’re up there, you bastard,” I cursed at the glistening headstone in front of me, the last little bit of evening light striking it perfectly. “You knew she’d show up back here one day, more stubborn, and more fucking beautiful than ever.”
James’ face grinned back at me, smug as hell.
It was a face that over the past twelve or so years had never changed, never aged, and never grown sad or weary. It was always the same cocky smirk frozen in time, while the rest of us were forced to keep moving through life, to keep fighting to survive reality.
I ran a hand through my hair, exhaling sharply.
“You planned this, didn’t you?” The wind rustled through the tall blossom trees that stood over the cemetery. A few flower petals shook free, floating to the ground and landing delicately beside my scuffed leather boots. “Damn you, man.”
It never got any easier.
I knew James for a few short years out of my life, but that was all he needed to make an impact that would stay with me until I died. When everyone else saw some kid with red hair and secondhand clothes, he saw someone he didn’t have to be anything other than himself with.
