Page 48 of Nodus Tollens
Hayes: Please… I just need to hear something good, for once. Distract me.
Me: Ok…. Um, Happy? I don’t know if I’ve experienced my happiest moment yet. Maybe one day, but I doubt that’s possible for someone like me.
Hayes: Someone like you?
Me: Someone who doesn’t believe in happily ever afters.
Hayes: Care to explain why?
Me: Not really.
Hayes: But what if it was possible? To have a happily ever after?
Me: Even if it was, I wouldn’t want it.
Hayes: What? Isn’t that what every girl wants/dreams of?
Me: I think we can both agree that I’m not like most girls.
It was a cliché response, but it was true. I wasn’t like most girls around here.
Hayes: Yah, I kinda got that within the first five minutes of running into you, but that still doesn’t explain anything.
Me: I don’t need to explain anything to you. All you need to know is that happily ever afters don’t exist. What does exist, though, are overly-arrogant hockey players who won’t take the hint that I’m not interested in them.
Hayes: Wait a minute, hockey players? As in plural? Who the hell else has been bugging you?
Me: Oh, you know, since I’m so approachable and friendly, I’ve had a few of your “hockey friends” come up to me.
Hayes: I think your fucking with me?... At least, I really hope you are because I’m about two seconds away from texting every asshole on the team right now.
Was that jealousy? If so, I kind of liked it.
Me: Hayes… It’s one hundred percent a lie. Even if anyone did try to approach me, I’d let them know I already have a neurotic hockey player who won’t leave me alone, and I’m not equipped to handle another one.
Hayes: That’s right, and you chose well.
Me: I didn’t choose anything. It was more like you decided you wanted me as a “friend” and won’t take no for an answer. Even if I did want to get rid of you (which I do), you won’t let that happen.
Hayes: You’re damn right. I won’t. Especially when I know you secretly don’t want me to.
Me: Oh yeah? And how do you know that?
Hayes: Because I’m not a foolish man, Blue. I saw your eyes. Your amber-hued glowing eyes that remind me of autumn leaves. They stole my damn breath away… And I can almost guarantee that before you met me, they were a dull shade of brown. Still fucking stunning, but had no life behind them, absolutely nothing until you came face to face with me. That might sound arrogant as hell, but I don’t care. I did that. I made you fucking shine, and I want to do it over and over again.
After that message came through, I tossed my phone onto the ground like it was on fire and left it there. Stunned wasn’t the right word for how I felt. It had taken me a long time to finally accept the fact that I was dying and when I did, I promised myself I wouldn’t complicate it further with entwining myself into someone else’s existence. But, yet, here I was anyway, dwelling on what could be. I was more fearful of what this man could do to my heart and all the complications he would, without a doubt, create. I was in way over my head here, but my god, I’ve never felt anything like this before. He had the tactics and words of a man who was desperate and obsessed. What I couldn’t understand or grasp was that, out of every girl in the world, he was specifically placed in my path. Not a girl who was sweet and friendly, or even healthy, but someone who was the complete opposite. It made no sense, and it probably never would.
Then, Friday came. His last-ditch effort at getting me to go to his game, and he did it with only one text. Not in a burst of texts, but just one.
One simple message.
Hayes: There are two tickets waiting for you at will call if you decide to go. I won’t be upset if you don’t, but if you do, and you happen to see an extremely attractive hockey player banging against the glass with the biggest smile across his face looking at you, don’t be alarmed. That’ll just be me knowing I got the best win of the night. Have a good day, beautiful.
Now, here I was, eight hours later, and I still couldn’t get Hayes out of my head. It wasn’t like I could anyway when he was now permanently engraved in my soul with no chance of ever leaving.
How could someone who I have known for less than a month already affect me like this? And why the hell were hearts made to fall so easily?
Time didn’t seem to matter in our case. What little we’ve seen of each other and what little we’ve spoken was already enough to create a tsunami of sensations that neither of us knew what to do with. Hayes was already wrapped up in the idea of what we could be while I was still trying to figure out what ‘us’ even was.
