Page 54 of Nodus Tollens
I felt like tearing into something. I felt like….
Before I could finish my thought, my feet stopped dead in their tracks at the somber scene in front of me. Underneath a dimly lit light was an angel in the flesh. Sitting alone on a bench next to the stadium, with her arms wrapped tightly around her legs, was my Blue. Soft ashy curls spilled over her shoulders like satin as her vacant eyes stared off into space. She looked almost like a porcelain doll as she sat there motionless. There was no movement in her eyes. No motion in her mouth either. There was absolutely nothing. She looked lifeless, as if all the energy and spirit were stripped from her, and all that was left was someone broken.
Someone more broken than she already was, and I wanted to fucking tear out my own heart because of it. She was still so damn beautiful, though. Even with glassy eyes and mascara running down her cheeks, she was the most stunning woman on the face of the earth.
Sucking in a breath, I mentally prepared myself for a battle. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, but there was no way in hell I was letting this girl go. I couldn’t. So, once I had mustered up enough strength, I cautiously crept over to her. My stare remained trained on her the whole time as I approached, but as I lowered myself down onto the opposite side of the bench, Blue kept her gaze focused ahead of her. Swallowing the tightness that was gripping my throat, I slouched back until my face was lifted upwards and my eyes could peer into the starry sky.
She had to have know that I was sitting beside her. There was no way she wouldn’t have noticed me, and for some reason, her silence was so much worse than her spiteful words would be. I’d rather her tell me to fuck off or push me away than sit here like she didn’t even know me.
Like I didn’t even exist.
My heart wouldn’t stop pounding like it was trying to capture her attention so she could see just how gone I was for her.
Don’t you hear my heart beating like a fucking jackhammer, Blue? There’s no one else but you.
With a deep sigh, I twisted my head to find her still peering off into the distance, but this time her chin was resting on her crossed arms, and a single tear was rolling down her cheek.
Fuck.
“Blue…” I scooted toward her until my thigh was only inches from touching her, then reaching my palm out, I tried to brush the tear away. Before my finger could make contact, she abruptly turned her head away from me, and with a scowl, she dropped her legs.
“Go away, Hayes.” She growled with a weak mumble. Even her tone was off, as if she lacked the strength and confidence to face me. Did I really hurt her that badly?
“Not until you talk to me.”
A quiet huff fell past her lips, then suddenly, she was laughing. Not the happy kind of laugh either. Instead, it was filled with annoyance and maybe even resentment. Whatever it was, I didn’t like it. At fucking all.
“God, can’t you take a hint, Hayes? I don’t even want to look at your stupid face, let alone talk to you.” She chuckled mockingly as her anger hit me hard in the chest.
I was sweating. Sweating way more than I was during the game because there was a lot more on the fucking line right now. I had to make this right with her.
I needed to.
“It wasn’t what it looked like back there. I was going crazy looking for you when she just came out of fucking nowhere.” I ran a palm through my hair, hoping and praying she would understand. It wasn’t like I was even smiling at the girl. Hell, my desperation to get away from her should have been a dead giveaway that she meant absolutely nothing to me.
Blue’s head whipped around fast, catching me off guard and causing me to reel back. Her face fucking broke me. Smeared makeup coated her perfect face as her red eyes glared holes into mine. There had to be something else that was bothering her. For her to look so shattered and torn, she was struggling with something deeper. Something more painful was causing my Blue to cry her fucking heart out.
“I don’t care about that, Hayes. I don’t care that you were talking to some girl who would be a way better choice than me, and I don’t care that we will never work out.” She seethed through her teeth as more tears threatened to fall from her eyes. I couldn’t show her just how affected I was by her words, so instead, I just frantically searched her stare. For the Blue I was falling for because she had to be there somewhere.
“I’m not interested in that girl. At all.” I tried not to shout, but I needed to get my point across to her. “The only girl I want is in front of me, and it’s fucking killing me that I can’t hold her and prove to her that I’m all in. All fucking in, and right now, she’s telling me we won’t work?”
Blue just stares. Her eyes glisten even more now as if she were fighting herself on what to do and say.
Come on, baby, don’t let me down.
“What happened to the girl in the stands? The one who was smiling at me like I was her whole goddamn world? The one who finally put a little trust in me and showed me that she wanted this? Or at least could want this?” I begged, needing to know what happened between then and now.
There was a point when her expression softened a bit. Her eyes shifted downward, but then she quickly went back to being closed off, shot off the bench, and began walking away.
What the hell?
Immediately jumping up, I chased after her and grabbed ahold of her wrist.
“Wren? What the hell is going on? Why won’t you just talk to me?” I questioned, feeling more vulnerable than I have in years. It was a feeling I wasn’t used to, and right now, with her continually denying me, I was gradually becoming used to it. Though I felt like pulling all my fucking hair out, when she turned her head to acknowledge me, I felt my heart slowly hammer back to life.
“This is moving way too fast.” She shook her head while her stare remained on her feet. “I mean, this is crazy talk. We just met, Hayes.”
“I’m not trying to move this fast, and if it feels that way for you, I’m sorry, Blue.” The need to lift her chin overcomes me, but I restrain myself. “The last thing I want to do is make you uncomfortable.”
