Page 60 of The Wedding Run
Luke takes the hint and clicks on another picture. A photo emerges of Derek and Luke, numbers pinned to their chests, as they run a 5K. Even in that captured moment, I can see the competition on Derek’s face as he’s pumping hard to beat Luke.
“And you’re athletic. Do you still run?”
He shakes his head. “Not much time these days.”
“I’m showing you a different side you might not have seen before.”
“Yeah, yeah,” I say, not bothering to look at the next photo but keeping my focus on Luke. “Another charity event. I get it. Derek’s generous. Worried about humanity. Got it. But I want to know more about you, Luke Maine.”
“Uh, Libby, what are you doing?”
My irritation snaps, and I slap the laptop closed. “Enough! Did Derek put you up to this? Do you think you owe him something because he invested in your company?”
“He wants to work things out with you, Libby.”
“I’ve already told him I’m not marrying him. And so, I’ll tell you too. Iam notmarrying Derek. Get it?”
“You don’t love him?” Luke probes.
“No.”
Luke blinks with surprise. Frankly, I’m shocked how quickly I denied it.
“Did you ever?” he probes.
It feels like an accusation, not from Luke but from my own heart. I’m not proud of this, but I confess, “I’m not sure. Of course, I care about Derek. But love? I don’t think so. At least, not the way I should have.”
“It’s okay, Libby. I’m not judging you.”
“Well, I am!” My voice cracks with the weight of humiliation. “It’s a horrible thing to admit. But it’s true.”
“It’s okay, Libby. I understand.”
I nod, and for some reason, I keep nodding, like I’m trying to accept what I’ve said. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean for any of this to happen.”
“You don’t have to apologize, Libby.”
“I feel like I should explain.”
“You don’t have to do that either.”
I face him then. “When my mother died, it was the worst thing that has ever happened to me. It broke me. You know? Here.” I place my hand over my heart. “Somehow in her short life, she left a legacy of love. But I’m afraid…” I swallow hard to combat the threatening tears. “I’m afraid to love. Because when you do, then you lose the person you love. They either walk away and break your heart or die and shatter your life forever. So, if you don’t… if you don’t…”
My throat chokes off any more words.
Luke moves toward me. “If you don’t ever love, then when you lose someone, it doesn’t hurt as much?”
I clench my jaws to control the emotions surging inside me. “Something like that.”
“I get it,” he says. “I’ve had someone walk away. And I lost someone I loved. Hurt doesn’t even begin to describe the pain. But if I think about erasing that person, of never knowing her, of never enjoying her company and the times we shared… well, it’s better to have loved, and yes, even to have lost, than never to have loved at all.”
“Seriously? Don’t throw some cliché at me, Luke.”
“Libby, marriage isn’t a paint-by-numbers activity. How do you expect any relationship to survive the ups and downs of life if there isn’t love to begin with?”
“I don’t know!” The words burst out of me. “I don’t have the answers. And I didn’t handle things the right way with Derek. It’s all my fault. I get it!”
He meets my gaze squarely, but something in his eyes is softer and gentler than the edge I feel. “You made a list, didn’t you?” he asks. “Of whether you should marry Derek or not.”
