Page 2 of The Hunger
I scoffed and turned on her.
“Amazing? What exactly makes me so amazing, Mom? That I was desperate enough to act like a baser creature and put my needs before everyone else’s? Ashlyn is gone because of me. Me, Mom. I was so desperate not to have to deal with both you and Adira that I asked some druids to do a spell to send you out of Uttira. The spell backfired, and Ashlyn went missing instead. Your amazing daughter did that.
“And instead of coming forward and admitting what happened, I kept quiet. Omissions are as great a sin as lies. I lied to everyone. Even you.”
I could feel her hurt. It was a living, breathing emotion that swallowed every other emotion she had. Except love. There was still so much love.
“How can you still feel love for me after what I just told you?” I yelled at her. “Even though I love you, I was so desperate not to become anything like you that I tried to get rid of you.”
“I know. And I’m so sorry you felt that way. But, I deserved that level of mistrust. What have I ever done to show you that I understand you? That you could count on me? I thought leaving you here to mature on your own was helping you. I didn’t make the right choice then, and I regret that more than you’ll ever know, now. But, no matter what you’ve done or what you do, one thing isn’t going to change—my determination not to make the same mistake twice.
“I love you, Eliana. And I will never abandon you again.”
All the anger bled out of me, and I was left with nothing but the pain.
“I broke him. The only friend I had left, Mom.”
“What about Megan?”
I thought of my friend and gave a pained groan.
“Megan might want to be my friend, but no matter what she says, I doubt her fury will agree. The spell to get rid of you, Ashlyn disappearing, stealing Eras’s meal and lying about it, setting a goblin loose on the brownies, wanting to kill Piepen so badly that I could imagine how it would feel to break his bones in my hand—”
“Baby, the creature is offensive and has tormented you past reason.”
“That doesn’t give me the right to treat him horribly in return, Mom. Don’t you get it? I’m damned. Megan wants to come home, and I’ve been keeping her away because I’ve given her fury too many reasons to take one look at me and send me to hell.” Tears ran freely down my face, and I angrily wiped them away.
“How am I supposed to live with this? Ashlyn could die, and I stole Fenris from his rightful mate.”
“He scented his mate?”
“No, but he probably would have if not for me.” I sobbed.
Mom studied me for a long moment, her pain mirroring my own.
“I’m sure Ashlyn will be found safe and sound. After all, it’s doubtful you were employing druids with enough skill to kill me. So whatever went awry with the spell isn’t likely to be lethal. And trying to get rid of me isn’t the end of the world, Eliana. It’s not nice, but it’s not awful. As for whatever happened with the goblin, I highly doubt you sent him to the brownies on purpose.”
I shook my head, the pain of everything I’d done clawing at my middle.
“Baby, I promise, nothing that you’ve said is so bad that Megan would drag you to hell.”
Mom wrapped her arms around me, hugging me close and stealing some of my pain and guilt.
“I took Fenris’s life, Mom. He might still be moving and breathing, but I killed the person Fenris was.”
Mom released me suddenly. I could feel her anger and frustration as she paced back to her desk and picked up her phone.
“I can feel every ounce of loathing you have for yourself,” she said, tapping her screen. “And I know nothing I say will change how you feel. So I’m done talking. I’m going to prove to you that you’re not the horrible person you’re painting yourself to be.”
She grabbed her things and strode toward me.
“What are you doing?”
“We are waiting for Mrs. Quill.”
“No,” I moaned. “Adira’s going to—”
The air started to shimmer in the middle of the room, and Mrs. Quill stepped through. She took one look at me and hurried to wrap me in a hug.
