Page 63 of Finding Home in Hartfell
‘But I have no idea what we’re going to do about it.’
‘Let’s not talk about that now,’ she told him softly. Every time they touched, looked at one another, it was impossible to think beyond the next moment. ‘We have a few days together and I want us to enjoy them. We can talk properly once Cassie and Isla have left.’
‘Deal. So can I ask you a question then?’
‘Of course.’ Her legs were getting cold, sitting still, and he shifted until he was behind her, wrapping his coat around the both of them.
‘Why is someone like you still single, Pippa?’
‘Someone like me?’
‘Yeah. Smart, funny, kind. Beautiful.’ He dropped a kiss in her hair and her head was resting on his shoulder.
‘Wow. Thanks. Not words I ever thought to hear from you.’
‘They were always there, I just kept trying to pretend otherwise.’
‘There was someone at work, once.’ Pippa was remembering the months and years after her separation from Harriet’s dad. Her resolve to focus on the family and put dating aside. ‘But eventually he wanted to commit to something more and I wasn’t ready. He was nice and thoughtful, but not someone I imagined spending the rest of my life with. Even now I’m still never sure if it’s me they see, or Jonny Jones’s daughter.
‘Nick, Harriet’s dad, just wasn’t interested in my dad’s world. He’s a wildlife cameraman and he couldn’t care less what my dad did, or who I’d met. It was one of the things I found so attractive about him, but I was too focused on the family still, saying yes to pretty much anything they wanted me to do. I thought then it was how I’d keep us all together.’
‘And now you’re here, a bit more out of reach?’ A red kite was swooping ahead, its forked tail directing its course on the wind, hunting for prey and Pippa saw the distinctive flash of colour.
‘I definitely feel more disconnected from the drama. My sister Tilly has been messaging about Christmas, wanting to know what I’m planning, and she was a bit shocked when I said I had no idea.’ Pippa smiled. ‘Usually by now I’d have a menu arranged and gifts on the way, but I’m thinking it might be nice to have a change.’
‘What kind of change?’
‘Maybe an Australian one. Dad’s looking for a place out there and if he has something by then, maybe Harriet and I will visit.’ She didn’t say the rest, that she’d love it if Gil were there too. She allowed herself a tiny daydream of an Australian summer in December, strolling along a beach together. ‘You must miss Joel, being so far away.’ Pippa felt the familiar squeeze of anxiety at thoughts of Harriet travelling so far in the future. But she couldn’t hold her back, she had to let her live her own life, make those mistakes.
‘I do, it takes a lot of getting used to, not having them around. That was the worst part of the divorce, splitting up the family unit, the foursome. However much Clare and I wanted different things as a couple, we still loved each other in a way and were a good team for a long time.’
‘I’m sorry about your divorce. It’s never easy, whatever the circumstances.’
‘Thanks, Pippa.’ Gil stretched out a leg and Lola plonked her head on his thigh. ‘I think eventually we both knew that if Clare hadn’t been pregnant so soon it might not have lasted as long as it did. It wasn’t easy, neither of us had planned on having kids that early.’
‘It’ll be so wonderful, meeting Luca, I’m really looking forward to it. But he might really hate me,’ Pippa added, panic flaring in her mind. ‘I’m the one who’s making your life difficult, and I wouldn’t blame him for thinking badly of me.’
‘He won’t, don’t worry.’ Gil squeezed her tightly. ‘He’s way smarter and more pragmatic than me and has been telling me for months that I should let go and move on. But it’s hard to let go of home, however impossible it seems to stay.’
Chapter Twenty-Two
‘Mum? I’ve been thinking.’ Harriet was rubbing one finger with her thumb the way she always did when she was nervous. ‘And I’ve got something to ask you.’
Pippa was helping sort through Harriet’s washing after the week away and Cassie was upstairs, unpacking in the bedroom Pippa had vacated for her. Isla was sharing with Harriet, and Luca, when he arrived later, would be bunking down in his dad’s room on a camping mat.
Pippa had moved into the box room and a narrow single bed, hoping she was concealing how much she’d miss sharing with Gil after these past few nights together. Even the dogs were getting used to sleeping in the kitchen and had settled quite happily. She was coming to dread separating Maud from Lola as well; they were so sweet together and Lola tolerated Maud’s babyish attentions with bouts of patience.
‘Harriet darling, you’ve only been home for thirty minutes.’ Pippa eyed her daughter, unwilling to begin what sounded like it could be a difficult discussion so soon. ‘Where’s Isla?’
‘In our room, getting changed. We’re going down to Dorothy’s and Alfie’s meeting us there, but I wanted to ask you to think about something first.’
‘Something I’m clearly not going to like.’
‘Well, you might.’ Harriet’s thumb was rubbing a bit faster. ‘What would you say if I told you I don’t want to go back to school.’
Pippa almost dropped the pair of shorts she’d been holding, puzzled at the mention of school out of nowhere. ‘No one does after the holidays, that’s perfectly normal.’ But Harriet hadn’t generally minded before and often set off without a backwards glance. ‘You’ll soon settle in again. But if something is bothering you, then yes, absolutely you must tell me so I can help.’
‘There is. And you can.’ Harriet took a deep breath and put her phone down, making Pippa’s heart swoop as she realised just how serious this conversation was. ‘But you’re not going to like it.’
