Page 56 of The Sicilian Bastard
Araceli
After my father and uncle were done sullying me for the last time, I was forced to stay in my childhood bedroom. It hadn't changed since I left. I hated pink, but the inner circle wanted me as childlike as possible. The older I got, the more I found someone in my room. The place that was supposed to be for me and me alone. It was ruined, like me. The walls were pink, but when I was fifteen, I rebelled and painted the ceiling black. The paint had gotten over everything because I didn't bother to cover anything. Father was furious and he replaced all my furniture with exact replicas. Then he let every circle member in my room for as long as they wanted all night long. It was a free for all. He kept my ceiling black to remind me what happened when I was disobedient. That was the last time I tried before I turned on him completely.
Over the years, I added small rebellions. Small tidbits of pastels, black, and pink, hidden in the disguise of trying to match. I told my uncle that it promoted comfort and tranquility. He ate that shit up. Uncle Reuben had a soft spot for me. He broke his daughter, so I was the only female he wanted to play with. He wanted me to be his little princess, but I was a surrogate at best. His actions got my cousin sent to Columbia way too early and she ended up losing her life there.
The door to the bedroom opened, scraping on the hardwood as two maids came in followed by two of my father's other women, Maria and Veronica. The maids started straightening up while I greeted the women. They both had been like mothers to me. All the women here had, but these two, especially, saved my life.
"Mija."Maria engulfed me in a hug.
I tried to hold my tears back. It had been so long since someone touched me gently.
"We heard you lost your memory. Are you all right? Have you been eating? You look too skinny." Veronica loved to feed me. No matter how bad the inner circle acted on my father's behalf, Veronica was always around to feed comfort food to my soul.
I smiled my first real smile in days.
"I wish I could stay with you both forever," I sighed. These women were the only ones I trusted in this compound. They proved their loyalty to me time and time again. They helped me when I needed it the most. Not directly, but they always protected me as much as they could.
"We heard about Columbia,Va."Maria shooed the maids out of the room.
They scurried out and she ushered me to the bed. I tried not to think of all the ways I had been defiled on this very bed in this very room. I needed to focus on the here and now, not the past. I couldn't change the past. But maybe I could save my future.
"You won't survive there,mija."Veronica shot me a sympathetic look.
We all knew what happened within the Columbian cartel with their women. Women were cattle. A way to make money or a way to solidify a trade. They weren't treated like people. Women were passed around to anyone. Fair game. It was what happened to my cousin. After my uncle couldn't control himself anymore and tried to force some of his darker fantasies on her, my father sent her to Columbia. She had been running through the compound wailing and screaming at all hours of the day and night. Father thought she'd lost her mind. I thought she wanted to get away from her dad. If it hadn't been Columbia, she probably would still be alive. She was a gift given to the entire outfit, then their business associates. Her mind snapped and she took her own life after one brutal associate broke her. Father thought it was funny and shared reports in front of me and the entire inner circle. I cried. My uncle drank. Then he fixated on me. He wanted me to be his new doll, but I couldn't. I wasn't good enough.
"What am I going to do?" My death loomed over my shoulders.
"If we don't do something, you'll end up like your mother." Maria jumped when Veronica smacked her on the back of the head.
"You don't even know if she remembers that," Veronica snapped.
I should feel shocked, but instead, a sense of rightness settled into my chest. Of course, my mother was killed. Maria handed me several old diaries that were hidden beneath the wooden floorboard of my bedroom.
"These should help,mija."She sat next to me on the bed and gave me room to read. I started skimming until my eyes caught something before my birthday. The scenes snapped in place like a rubber band. The missing pieces. The reasons why I ran to the Feds.
Dear Diary,
Today was the day Daddy promised to spend some time with me. He was holed up in his office forever. All I wanted to do was go to my favorite restaurant, Honey Salt. They had the most amazing Margherita pizza. Daddy promised me he was going to take me. He promised he wouldn't be too busy for me anymore. I passed my father's office. Mommy was in there and they were yelling again.
"You can't keep doing this to me. I got an STD last time. The women you keep aren't clean." My mom was poking her finger in Daddy's face. He grabbed hold of her finger and snapped it back. She cried and fell to the floor. I ran. Daddy didn't take me to the restaurant like he promised.
I shuddered and skipped ahead, already knowing the systematic abuse my mother was dealt at the hands of my father. He wasn't a kind man. He was cruel. I skipped to a year ago because my mother hadn't been dead that long.
Dear Diary,
I can't believe I'm writing this. This will be my last entry. I've seen something horrible. More horrible than anything my father or uncle doled out to me. I went from a child to an adult in the span of five minutes. My mother told me she was trying to help me. She didn't want me to be given to my uncle. I hadn't caught the eye of any business associates and my father was sick of my uncle's whining. He told me yesterday I was going to be Uncle Reuben's toy. I wasn't allowed to call Uncle Reuben uncle anymore. Father said I had to call him Dad. He said I had to dye my hair black instead of the light brown it was. He wanted me to get a boob job, so I had bigger breasts, like her. Clarissa. Father said that I needed to pass for her and keep his right-hand man happy. Father told me that if I did this, I would be protected forever.
Since Uncle Reuben had been coming to my room at least three times a week, it wouldn't be anything different. Father said this was what I was good for. The only thing. I wish I had been born a boy. Then father would love me like he should. He would treat me better. He wouldn't send me to his inner circle meetings like before. I wouldn't have to crawl on the floor, barely clothed, with a gag in my mouth. Father said pretty things should be seen and not heard. Father and Mother have been fighting a lot lately. Mom doesn't want me to be with Uncle Reuben. She says that it goes against God. I believe her. She takes me to church and I have asked our priest about it. He turned green and said I should ask my father instead. I'm old enough to know that was answer enough. Something is wrong with Uncle Reuben. He is sick. There is no fixing him. He broke Clarissa and he is going to break me.
I told Mom I should run away. She told me to give her a chance to talk some sense into Father. She was gone for hours. I hadn't heard anything from her so I went to find her. There was a wet sploosh sound coming from my father's office. I wasn't allowed inside without an escort, but I needed to find my mom. I saw her fingernail first. It was stretched towards the doorway. Father was hacking away at her body while Uncle Reuben stood in the corner with his hands in his pants. I gagged from the sight in front of me. She was dead. I could smell the blood permeating the air. The bruises on her body. My father standing over her cold and aloof as he hacked away at her lifeless form. I ran from the scene and wrote down everything I could remember. This was the last straw. I no longer had a place here. Father had gone too far.
The diary entry ended, and I choked back a sob. Maria and Veronica were both holding me, their arms keeping me from floating away. The grief I should've felt hit me all at once. I remembered everything. I tried to run away and Uncle Reuben brought me back. Before he did, the FBI approached me and said they could get justice for my mother. I believed them. They told me to act normal. We had contact over the weeks as they built a case against my father. I was so blinded by revenge, I never noticed the foot soldiers following me. I didn't think anything of it when Maria and Veronica were forbidden from having contact with me. I was so blinded by hate, I didn't even see that Father had started locking his office door all the time. Security increased and I had a harder and harder time getting off the compound. Once, I saw cameras all over my room and a guard at my bedroom door I knew I had been made. They hadn't fully locked me down, though. So, I climbed out the window and ran. I tried to meet the man who was in charge of the case, but before I could, Father sent two thugs after me. He was el jefe now. My father died a long time ago. As far as I was concerned, I didn't have any family. El jefe felt the same way since he sent a kill order for me.
"Mija,is there anyone you can rely on? Anyone at all?" Maria was always worried about me, but this time I was well and truly fucked.
I shook my head no.
"I'm going to have to go to Columbia and pray I don't die."
"You know we would help you if we could." Veronica hung her head sadly.
"No," I spoke too loudly.
The last thing I needed was more blood on my hands. I already lost my mom; it would gut me to lose these women as well. I was already losing them. They couldn't go against el jefe unless they were prepared to lose their lives. El jefe wouldn't hesitate to kill them. Me? He will because I'm the only child he has. He didn't have the males he wanted. So, he wanted me to breed and pop out a male heir he could take from me. Over my dead body, would I allow him to do that. He had broken me. Then he broke the bond I thought I had with him. He was a monster. I wished I could drain the blood from my veins. I worked on a plan to bring down el jefe. I wasn't going to be able to go back to the FBI. No, I needed something else. My father was a monster. I needed a bigger and worse monster to defeat him. I wish I had a clue on who that would be.
