Page 4 of Make Me Scream
I want nothing more than to let them out. To feel my vocal cords shred with the intensity. For everyone to feel what I feel, to finally fuckingknowwhat’s going on with me. But there’s one problem with that…not even I know.
Lucy’s back.
She’s really back… and I only have one guess as to why.
She needs money, and she’s pretending to be a fucking mom again to do it. Playing the whole sober game—which, I’ll give her credit, is pretty hard to do. She’s gotta play the long game for it this time around. With CPS being involved, she must have had drug tests, at the very least. Which makes me wonder what her end goal really is.
My fingers find respite in my braid-wavy locks. I wind the strands around each digit, finding no comfort in it the way I did when Peris did the very same.
The thought pisses me off, and I yank hairs out with a growl as I pace the floor of my room… which might not be my room for much longer, actually…
“Fuck,” I breathe faintly, the realization hitting my chest softer than my heart beating against my sternum. It’s painfullypragmatic to know these could be my final days here. My final hours, minutes… seconds.
Especially when Elise finds out what Peris and I just did in his bedroom…
Jesus fucking Christ, I’m spectacular. Abel Silver, forever the fuck up.
My fingers find their way into my left pocket, only to draw short when I come up empty. I suck on my front teeth and roll my eyes into the back of my head. My lighter must’ve fallen out of my pocket in Peris’s room when we… when we were…
“Fuck!” I whisper shout as tears clog my throat. I’m unable to even fucking think it, let alone say it aloud for some reason. It was different this time.He was different.Calling me his puppy, his mess. Saying he won’t fucking lose me.
I slam my eyes closed, but it’s too late. The sting is long past the point of no return. Tears burn their way to the surface and down my lashes, clumping them before trailing down my cheeks and into my mouth where the salt sits like lead on my tongue.
As the tears stream, unbidden and resolute, I let my trembling knees collapse and take me to the floor. I collide with the wall, shuddering when the coolness of the drywall makes contact with the exposed nape of my neck. I feel the unnerving sensation of goosebumps prickling across my skin, but I don’t feel the burn of them.
I don’t feel much of anything at all.
Just mind-numbing sadness.
And anger.
I nod resolutely to no one but myself. Yeah. A fuck ton of that.
Because why not? Whythe FUCK did she have to come back now?When I’m finally some place good, when I’m… well, I don’t know. Maybe I’m fucking happy.
Yeah.
I force myself to slide up the wall, dragging the back of my hand across my wet, snotty face. Yeah, I’m fucking happy. Or, at least, as close to happy as I remember being—or knowing what that even is—and she has to come and take that away from me.
She had Bill with her, and I know what that means.
It means she wants me gone.
She wants to take me away.
I’ll have to go…
And I don’t want to.
My crooked nose twitches, crinkling upward when it burns uncontrollably as a fresh onslaught of tears is brought on. I sink my teeth into my bottom lip to stifle the sobs I know are imminent, but it doesn’t make them hurt any less.
My palm finds the center of my sternum, and I dig the heel in harder as each second passes of my heart breaking a little more.
I finally found my family, and now, I have to go back to the one I never wanted—the one that never wanted me, either.
“Doessomeone want to tell me what the hell is going on?” Elise asks the second we’re all seated at the cleared kitchen table. Dishes are stacked in the sink from when she cleared dinner when Peris and I were busy fucking in his bedroom…
Jesus, I’m fucked up.
