Page 60 of Make Me Scream
“Yes, the fullfucking name.What the hell was that? Youkissed him?”
Well, there’s no point in denying it anymore… I mean, she saw it plain as day. I didn’t exactly intend for it to go down like that, but I couldn’t not. With his sad puppy dog eyes and knowing he was leaving me…
“Yeah, Ma.” I sigh loudly. “I did.”
“Why?!” she screeches, and I wince, gripping the back of my neck until my muscles throb from the pain.
“I’m pretty sure you don’t want to have this conversation standing in the entryway.”
She pales considerably. “Oh, Jesus.Ohhh, Jesus…”
“Ma—”
“Don’t.” She holds up her hand, cutting me off. Her face is white as a sheet, her eyes wide and unseeing as she stumbles into the living room and drops down onto the couch. She reaches for one of the couch pillows and hugs it to her middle, like she needs something to keep her insidesin.
Guilt gnaws at me, radiating outward with a heat so intense, it makes my face flush. I take a seat on the very edge of the furthest cushion, staying in Ma’s line of sight but as far away from her as I can.
When she glances briefly over at me and I notice the welling in her eyes… I nearly choke on my shame.
Fuck… what did I do?
“Mom, I…”
“Peris, I don’t understand.”
“I don’t know how to explain this to you,” I tell her truthfully. My fingers find my hair, and I yank, feeling strands rip from my scalp and fall to the floor between my feet.
“It seems pretty self-explanatory to me. You were kissing him—and that wasn’t the first time,” she says, looking me directly in the eyes. I glance away, unable to meet her gaze for more than a few seconds. The discomfort is too much to handle—knowing I’ve let her down again. Knowing I’ve kept something from her…again.
“Peris… I thought we promised we wouldn’t?—”
“Don’t,” I snap, hating the venom in the word but unable to keep it out. I know what she’s talking about, and I refuse.
“You don’t get to talk to me like that after what you’ve done,” she retorts just as quickly.
“Youpromised,” I hiss, fingers curling into my palms until my nails bite in so deeply, they cut into the skin.
“And so did you!”
Damnit.I nearly choke on the tears that threaten to spill over.
She’s right.
Silence descends upon us, poignant and destructive. I tear at the skin around my nails until they bleed, and then, I pick some more. I hear Ma’s long inhales and shorter exhales as she works on her breathing techniques that we learned in therapy—which was a crock of shit in my opinion, but it seemed to work for her.
After what feels like a long time, I finally ask, “What do you want me to say?”
Her breaths stutter. She clasps her hands and straightens her spine. “I would like the truth.”
I laugh loudly.That’ll never fucking happen.“You sure you want that?”
“Yes, Peris,” she snaps. “I wouldn’t ask if I was not sure.”
“All right, damn,” I mutter. A few beats of my heart pass.
“Well?”
“I’m trying to think!”
