Page 61 of Make Me Scream
“About what? The lies you want to tell me? You are so grounded for the rest of your damn life.”
I grit my teeth, brows furrowed. “That’s not fucking fair.”
She sighs softly and bows her head before reaching out toward me. I take her hand hesitantly, and she wraps our fingers together. “You’re right. It’s not, and I’m sorry. I’m just so overwhelmed andconfused.But that is not an excuse.”
“Thank you,” I mutter.
“Tell me whenever you’re ready. I’m here for you.”
Those words wash over me, Ma’s warmth and understanding exactly what I needed to hear. But there’s only one problem—Ma can’t know half of it. Or the majority of it.
She can only know a small part of my… particularfeelingsfor Abel. And I’ve gotta make it fucking believable.
“I’ve known Abel since he started at Ardent. He’s always been a bit of a brat?—”
“A bit?” she interrupts with a smirk, which I return.
“Yeah,” I chuckle. “Anyway, we didn’t get along for the longest time, but then, everything happened with you two, and he moved in. Again, we still didn’t like one another at that point.” Saying that makes me laugh, and I reach up to run my fingers through my hair, dropping my head back between my shoulders as my body shakes with the force of it.
“You know, I’m not even sure we like each other much, even now. He’s a bit of a bitch, but… I don’t know, he drives me fuckingcrazy,Ma. Everything about him makes my skin crawl and my blood sing. I just want to crack open his ribs, crawl inside him, and die there.”
I flush as the words leave my lips, having said much more than I intended to. Ma’s mouth pinches, concern marring her face as she takes my words in.
“That’s… intense, Peris,” she says slowly, like she’s saying her words carefully.
I scoff and drop back against the sofa with anumph.“Fucking tell me about it.”
After a lull in the conversation, neither of us knowing how to continue, she says, “How long has it been going on?”
“Since he moved in,” I mutter.
“Peris!” she screeches.
I wince again. “I know, okay? I know. But have you ever just…” I trail off, struggling to put into words what exactly it is I mean.
Ma reaches out and squeezes my fingers, her face soft, despite the pain etched in every crease and wrinkle. It makes every muscle in my chest squeeze, and my heart races.
“I know, Peris. But that doesn’t make this okay. This is… this is wrong.”
“Wrong,” I deadpan, heart clenching at that word. I pull my hand away from Mom and cross my arms over my chest. Her features twist in confusion before realization settles in.
“Oh,no,Peris!Notbecause of that. Never because you might be gay, or bi… or whatever it is you choose to identify as, okay? You know that, right?” Ma’s voice rises the longer she talks, getting closer and closer to panic. Her face flushes, and she wrings her fingers together, the third one on her left hand bare since the day she found out whathedid to me.
“Okay,” I manage to choke out, not able to say much more than that. I want to reassure her, to tell her I know she means well, and I know she didn’t mean it like that, but Luke’s voice is running rampant in my mind, whispering his dirty words and filthy thoughts, and I’m starting to feel a bit sick from it all.
“Peris… tell me what’s going through your mind right now,” Ma pleads.
“Luke,” I manage to choke, and she gasps out a cry and lunges toward me. She wraps her arms around my shoulders and yanks me into her, holding me as close and as tight as possible.
We fall to our knees on the floor, and Mom drags me into her lap, even though I’m much bigger and much taller than she is. “Ma…” I stammer.
“Hush, babe. Just let me be your mom right now.” And I do. She rubs her hand over my head and down my back, over and over until my skin starts to feel a little numb from the continuous pressure.
The tears burning my eyes eventually slow into a gradual nothingness as I drop my head against Ma’s shoulder and just breathe her in—she always smells faintly like the hospital and apples. Medicinal and homely.
I forgot how nice this was, just being held by Mom. It hasn’t happened since she found out about Luke—and the fact that it takes her finding out about Abel and me for it to happen again says something…
And I’m not sure it’s a good thing.
