Page 117 of Rocky Mountain Devil
Jesse ignored the question. “Laurel phoned me.”
Rafe swore.
“Yeah. Gave me an earful, by the way.” Jesse looked him over. “You want to talk about it?”
Not really, but…
Rafe examined his cousin. Out of everyone in his family, Jesse was the one person he figured he could trust not to say anything if he shared.
“I’m no good for her,” he said.
Jesse made a rude noise, uncoiling himself to vertical. “I could have told you that. I offered to be her upgrade, remember?”
“Fuck off,” Rafe muttered without any force behind the words. They walked side by side toward the small stable where they could look over the Coleman holdings to the east.
Thick snow covered the land—nothing growing, nothing moving, at least not within eyesight. The far fields were pristine and beautiful in spite of the cold.
Yet all he could see was Laurel’s face as she stared back at him with pain in her eyes. Pain he’d put there.
“For someone who’s supposed to be no longer your girlfriend, she had a lot to say about you,” Jesse shared. “Told me to keep an eye out so you didn’t do anything stupid.”
“I’m not—”
“Actually, she said ‘so he doesn’t do anythingstupiderthan he already has’, which I assume means the trying-to-break-up-with-her bit. Or the getting-drunk-and-not-coming-home. Either works.”
Rafe leaned his arms on the top railing. “Breaking up with her isn’t stupid. I’m trying to protect her.”
“She doesn’t want to be protected,” Jesse pointed out.
“She doesn’t know what I’m capable of,” Rafe snapped. “It’s not that simple.”
“It never is.”
They stood in silence for a moment before Rafe confessed. “All my life I’ve tried to not become my father. Laurel knows this—she knows how much I hated what he’d become at the end.”
She’d also stood up to his father fearlessly more times than he’d liked. Maybe she was strong enough…
No.
Maybe his mom wouldn’t give up the good moments, but the truth remained that Ben’s final years had sucked the joy from all their lives.
Jesse interrupted his thoughts. “If that’s your worry, you’ve never been anything like your father. You get quiet at times, but usually you’re just out there, working hard and living hard. You and Laurel make me think of yard lights.”
“Seriously? A fuckingyard light?”
“Its not an insult, you ass. Yard lights are constant. They never get in anyone’s faces like Travis or Jaxi, looking for attention, but when it comes down to it, you rely on them a hell of a lot—and yes, I knew you two were friends back in school. She makes you happy, so why the hell aren’t you with her, you dumb jerk?”
“Because someday I’m going to become my father, and I can’t bear to be the one who makes her light go dim,” Rafe said.
“Oh, bullshit. You’re not your father,” Jesse insisted. “And while it doesn’t excuse him, my dad said the change started when your brother died. That Ben felt guilty, and that’s what made him cold.”
So, asshole behaviour was triggered by guilt.Great—
“All the more reason I’m done.”
Jesse let out a rude snort. “Right. What the hell have you done to feel guilty about?”
“Because I’m some sweet, innocent yard light, is that what you think?”
