Page 142 of Rocky Mountain Home
Mike folded his arms, eerily reminiscent of his position earlier that night on the stage, sharing wisdom that had rocked Jesse to the core. “Why’d you run?”
Jesse paused. “You’re not talking about tonight, are you?”
His father shook his head. “I think I know why you left tonight, but I’m shaky on last February.”
There was pain in the words, and Jesse kicked himself all over again. “I’m sorry I left without telling anyone. It was wrong.”
Mike nodded slowly.
He considered saying more. Dare’s warning rang clear, though. The issues were and always had been his alone. He’d been so focused on himself back then—
Dare. Oh my God, he’d done it again.
“Fuck. I abandoned Dare at the damn shower.” He snatched a piece of wood off the ground and hurled it at the woodshed. It bounced off, clattering downward with a crash. “God, I am so fucking stupid. This just confirms to everyone I’m an ass.”
“No one knows.” His dad cleared his throat. “Well, the part about you being an ass tonight. Dare told people you had something to take care of. Marion and I brought her home—they’re doing some kind of womanly bonding ritual while I track you down.”
Relief that she was okay warred with a twisted amusement at his father’s carefully chosen words. “But people still think I’m mostly an ass, just not one tonight?”
“What do you usually act like, son? Can’t blame people for calling a horse a horse.”
Amusement bloomed into full-out derisive laughter. “You’ve never been shy to say it like it is.”
His father’s face tightened. “Wrong. I knew something was up with you for a long time before you left, and I didn’t call you on it soon enough. I’m sorry for that.”
Goddamn, his father was apologizing to him? “You didn’t do anything.”
“That was the trouble. I’m your father, and while I’m not responsible for you like I was when you were a little tyke, I’m always going to be your daddy. That means I should have kicked your ass and helped you fly straight a few years ago. Maybe it would have saved you a world of hurt.”
“Don’t you go blaming my behaviour on yourself,” Jesse warned. “I’m responsible for me.”
Mike nodded. “You are, but that’s my point. I’m responsible for me, and family’s the place where all of us connect. You need some help finding that place? Because we want you, son. We want you in this family, lock, stock and barrel.”
“I’m not proud that I’m going to be a dad,” Jesse confessed, the words rushing from him. “You were talking about that, and it made this sick lump stick in my belly because I’m not proud, and I couldn’t stand another moment watching everyone else soak in your words and nod in agreement when that’s not what I’ve got. Sitting and wishing things were different.”
Wishing that he felt even a bit like what he saw in his brothers’ and cousins’ faces that night.
What he’d seen that morning a week ago in Joel’s eyes as he looked at Vicki.
His father let out a heavy breath. “Well, now. I wondered, but I couldn’t be certain. You and Dare—is that not right, either?”
Jesse shook his head slowly. “I care about her. I’m going to look after her and the baby, but we’re not in love.”
Mike walked to the woodpile and worried a log piece with his foot before lifting his gaze to meet Jesse’s “I can’t make promises, but I don’t see this as an impossible task. For you to fix what’s wrong in your world. I do see it being something you’re going to need to pull up your britches and put your ego aside to get the job done.”
Jesse considered before offering a response. Was his ego getting in the way? Maybe, but hopefully less than before.
He didn’t want to admit it had all been an accident. Dare. The baby.
“I want to be proud.”
His father nodded. “You want to be in love?”
The question stopped him in his tracks. “I don’t know how to answer that.”
Mike took a deep breath. “Okay, leave that one for now. Son, I think you’re getting ahead of yourself. I imagine being the youngest in a big family is a strange place to be. You get to see the journey those ahead of you took, and if you like where they’re going, you just need to follow their lead, right?”
Jesse waited.
