Page 152 of Rocky Mountain Home
There are moments that define a life, he realized.
Leaving his family, even for what turned out to be childish and selfish reasons, had been one of those moments. His stupid decision to crawl into bed with Vicki had been another. Heck, he could argue it had been the catalyst for everything that had come after. Choosing to track down Dare, choosing to return to the ranch—those were all forks in the road where he’d decided which way to go.
Yet right now it hit hard that it was still a selfish way to live. To consider which path he’d felt led to take, and which turns had brought him to this moment.
In spite of being rightfully upset, Joel had made a deliberate choice to continue to love him. Even though Jesse had all but slammed the door in his face, his brother had left space in his life for Jesse’s return.
It wasn’t about considering which path was right for him, but which path was right for him and the people around him. Everyone he cared about.
The idea was humbling, and awe-inspiring, and more than a little like a very heavy two-by-four being expertly applied to Jesse’s stubborn-ass ways.
The apology he’d offered months ago had been real, but nowhere near enough. He knew that now.
He also knew he was up a creek without a paddle, and the only way he was getting out of this was with a heck of a lot of help. Dare had that same kind of sacrificial giving heart. Since the moment he met her she’d been there for him, and believed in him—
But right now he needed to focus on Joel. On finally making everything between them right.
Jesse cleared his throat. “I need to tell you something. Back when you and Vicki started dating, and I got all judgmental. I didn’t do it to be malicious. I thought I knew better than you what was going on. I was trying to protect you, and misjudging Vicki. And misjudging you, because I was the stupid one, not you. You were moving on, and I was trying to stay in control.” He stepped in front of his brother. “There’re no words that can change what I’ve done. I wish—”
Joel slapped a hand on his shoulder. “That’s not the direction we’re looking anymore, remember?”
Right, but still…he needed to actually fucking say it.
“Joel, I’m sorry. For the things I did that drove a wedge between us. You did nothing wrong. Nothing, this is all on me, and okay,” he hurried to finish because Joel was lifting his fists as if to forcibly shut him up. “I’m looking forward now, and what I’m saying to you is—I’ll be there for you. I don’t know what that will look like, and hell, I expect I’ll screw up again, but never again will I cut you off because at least I know better.”
Joel’s face twisted for a moment before he frowned. “You damn ass.”
The words came out choked, and suddenly Jesse wasn’t breathing too easily either. His throat seemed to be closing up, and his eyes were watering.
He pinched the bridge of his nose. “Stupid dust.”
Joel snorted—this kind of squeaking noise between amusement and tears, and fuck if it wasn’t just enough to toss Jesse’s control into the wind.
He caught his brother in a bear hug and squeezed him tight. It seemed the only way to stop from breaking down and crying like a baby.
Joel held him tightly, one hand patting him on the shoulder. It wasn’t gentle—more as if his brother was trying to pound some sense into his feeble brain.
Jesse didn’t care that it was borderline painful, because it was Joel—hell, if his brother wanted to run him over a few times with the John Deere, he’d willingly toss himself to the ground and wait.
When they broke apart Joel was grinning. “You want to check out your house?”
“Hell, yeah.” He followed Joel on the well-worn path toward the front door. “I still can’t believe you guys would start building this house when you didn’t even know where I was.”
“Rafe did tell us you were in Alberta and that he was keeping in touch with you. He didn’t tell us much more, even when we threatened to mess up his pretty face.”
Which was what Jesse had figured. “I’m glad you knew that much.”
“Hey, as mad as I was about you taking off, you found Dare when you went AWOL. Can’t complain about that.”
“She’s the best thing that’s ever happened—”
Jesse stopped. One step away from entering the house that he hadn’t deserved but had gotten anyway. “Fucking hell, I’m a fool.”
She was another thing he hadn’t deserved but had gotten anyway. Her, and Buckaroo.
“Jesse?”
He glanced up at Joel. “I’m in love with her.”
