Page 65 of The House Guest
He looked down, then met my eyes again. “I can’t do this anymore. I can’t be in a relationship with you.”
The room swayed. I’d known in my gut that this might’ve been coming, but there was no way to prepare for those words. No way to prepare for the end of the only love I’d ever known.
As I stood there in shocked silence, he continued. “It has nothing to do with you. You’re amazing. I—”
“Fuck you, with the it’s-not-you-it’s-me bullshit,” I screamed, as my shock transformed suddenly to rage. “Fuck you for making me believe you loved me.”
“I’m not the right man for you,” he said shakily. “I’m not built for this.”
“Built? What are you, a fucking robot?”
A tear fell from his eye. “I need to end things now before they get more serious.”
“You’re breaking up with me, and you don’t have the decency to explain it in a way that makes sense? I need answers, Dorian. How long have you known? BecauseIremember the exact morning you changed. And you had sex with methatnight. You knew you were going to end things, and you had sex with me anyway?”
He shook his head as his voice trembled. “I didn’t know anything for sure until I went away.”
My voice grew louder. “So your London trip had nothing to do with work, then? You just wanted to get away from me so you could figure out how to end it?”
When he didn’t answer, I felt something rising in my stomach. “I’m gonna be sick.” When he took a step toward me, I whipped my hand out. “Don’t touch me! Stay the fuck away from me!”
With that, he began to sob. None of this made any sense. How could someone so callous also be crying at this moment? He didn’t care about me, yet he was visibly upset?
He raised his voice. “I know you don’t want to hear this, but you have to let me say it.”
I closed my eyes and let him speak.
“The last thing I want to do is hurt you,” he said. “I would rather die. But continuing to be your boyfriend will mean hurting you even worse later. I know you were blindsided by this. And I won’t ever forgive myself for it. But I only want what’s best for you. And what’strulybest for you is a life apart from me. I’ll never be the man you deserve.” He shook his head. “I do love you, Primrose.”
“You love me?” I screamed. “Youloveme?”
“Yes,” he muttered as he closed his eyes, tears falling down his cheeks. “As much as you might not be able to see it now, I’m breaking up with youbecauseI love you. It’s very possible to love someone but know you’re not the right person for them. I’m setting you freebecauseI love you.”
“How exactly does someone wake up one day and realize he’s not the man for someone he claims to love?”
“I can’t explain it in a way you’ll understand.Idon’t even fully understand it.”
I paced. “What happened from one day to the next?” I whirled on him. “You don’t love me. You couldn’tpossiblylove me.” But then a wave of grief washed over me. “Oh my God. I can’t believe this is happening…with you. I can’t believe you’re doing this. I really thought you were it for me.” I felt a panic attack coming on. “I need to get out of here.”
He followed. “I’ll give you whatever you need—”
“Fuck you!” I spewed, eyes blurry with tears. “I’m not taking shit from you!” I began throwing random things into a bag.
“Youneedto let me help you,” he insisted.
I whipped around and pointed my finger at him. “I’d rather die than let you pay for me to leave. I’ll be fine. I’ll stay with Janelle until I can find a place. I don’t need you or your filthy money.”
He continued to walk behind me. “Where are you going? You can’t leave upset. Please. You need to let me—”
I turned around one last time. “I don’tneedto do anything with you anymore. I just ask that you not be here during the day this weekend. I’ll be coming back to get my stuff in shifts.”
Dorian hung his head and muttered, “Whatever you need.”
After going outside to get some air, I returned about ten minutes later and finished packing an overnight bag as fast as I could. Thankfully, Dorian had left my room, and I didn’t find him to say goodbye before I ran to my car.
But before I could start the engine, I laid my head on the steering wheel and sobbed one final time.
***
