Page 71 of The House Guest
Later that afternoon, I was feeling restless, so I called Lucy to see if she and her son, who was around Rosie’s age, were up for a playdate. Luckily, she, too, was feeling a bit bored today and encouraged us to come by.
Playdates were as much about mental sanity for the moms as they were socialization for the kids. I loved my daughter, but some days it felt impossible to come upwith enough ways to entertain her while she wasn’t in preschool. When the weather outside was crappy, like it was today, that made it even harder.
A little while later, as Rosie and Sebastian played in the living room, Lucy and I sat with the coffees I’d picked up on the way here. The sun had finally come out and filtered through the window, casting a glow on Lucy’s blonde hair. It was amazing what a little patch of sunshine, good coffee, and pleasant company could do for one’s mood.
Then Lucy had to go and ruin it.
“Can we talk about what happened when we were dress shopping?” she asked.
My heart beat faster. I’d thought I’d dodged a bullet, but Lucy was more perceptive than I’d given her credit for.
“What do you mean?” I made one last attempt at playing dumb.
“I don’t know. Your mood took a pretty big turn. I couldn’t help but wonder if maybe you were having doubts about going through with the wedding…”
Ugh.“That wasn’t what the mood switch was about.”
Silence descended upon the room as she waited for me to elaborate.
“We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to,” she said.
But now I knew I couldn’t let it go. Burying it was clearly not working. I hadn’t spoken about Dorian to anyone, not even a therapist, which I probably should’ve done a long time ago. Lucy was my best friend. I’d lost touch with Janelle after moving from California, which I’d always regretted. I’d seen from social media that she was married now with a baby on the way. Thank goodness I’dfound Lucy. She and I hadn’t known each other more than a few years, but it sometimes felt like we had. If I couldn’t talk to her, who could I talk to?
I sighed. “When you made a comment about the color of one of the dresses, it threw me into a bit of PTSD.”
“Oh my gosh. How is that possible? A color?”
“It’s a long story.” I looked down at my phone. “Not sure we have time for it today.”
Lucy looked over at the kids and sipped her coffee. “They seem to be playing well. And I ain’t going anywhere. So, I’m listening.”
I took a deep breath and began the story of my heartbreak, starting with when I’d moved to the mansion to live with my aunt and ending with my leaving Orion Coast after the devastation of Dorian’s one-eighty. I also explained the aquamarine thing. She listened intently—the story unfolded like some kind of television drama, complete with handsome billionaire, tragedy, and picturesque California scenery.
When I finished, she cocked her head. “You haven’t googled him all this time?”
“No. I don’t want to know anything. I know that might seem hard to believe, but there’s nothing I could find out that would make me feel better about the situation. I don’t want to see that he’s moved on with someone. I don’t want to see his face. I was supposed to have kept in touch with Patsy and Benjamin, but I lost touch with them as well. Reaching out to them could mean learning something that would upset me. I need to move on.”
She sighed. “Wow, I can’t believe you and I have known each other all this time, and you never told me thisstory. Your time there clearly had a major impact on your life, and it all makes so much sense now.”
“What makes sense?”
“Why I sometimes catch you deep in thought, like something is on your mind, and yet you always claim to be fine. You have this air of mystery around you, something I could never put my finger on. And certainly this explains why you acted strangely at the dress shop.”
“When you truly believe you love someone with all of your heart and soul and they betray you, your trust in everything dies. I trust Casey as much as I possibly can. But also it’s...” I hesitated.
“What?” she prodded.
“It’s as if…” I thought a moment. “It’s as if I don’t care anymore. Like the worst has already happened. And now, I just do what’s best for my daughter, regardless of whether Casey or anyone else might end up hurting me.” I shook my head. “I don’t think I’m capable of being hurt anymore.”
Lucy nodded. “That’s sad, but sort of reasonable.”
“I love Casey, but it’s different than what I experienced in California. I’m not sure if I’d ever be able to love someone the way I loved Dorian.”
“Hmm…” Her eyes narrowed. “Did you say his name is Dorian?”
“Yeah, why?” I tried to avoid saying it out loud as much as possible.
She stared into space for a moment. “Dorian... I feel like I heard that name somewhere recently. What’s his last name?”
