Page 73 of Alien Jeopardy
How the heck do I explain the gold that is fanfic to an alien?
“You screamed in excitement.”
“They’re the best stories,” I gush, plopping on the ground and opening up the app. I have my username and password memorized, of course, and the app lets me log in with no issues. “It’s all these writers who love these really specific ideas or certain characters and they just write them with wild abandon. They write for themselves, and to have a good time, and you can tell. It’s just fun.”
He sits next to me, the fire dancing merrily as more of the logs in the pit catch. “What’s your favorite?”
I squirm, uncomfortable. “You don’t want to know that.”
Rex gives me a long, searching look. “Why would I ask you that if I didn’t want to know?”
“You can’t make fun of me,” I tell him, drawing a circle in the dirt with the toe of my shoe. “I should probably take these off so they can finish drying.”
Call me the master of the subject change.
“I won’t make fun of you.” He scoots down, unlacing my boots and pulling them off, setting them next to the fire. The socks follow, and I cringe at the sight of my water-logged skin. I have blisters. My blisters have blisters. “Hyrulis. Why didn’t you tell me your feet pained you?”
“We’re both hurting. The blisters will heal.”
“You’re taking another gel pack.”
“We should save them?—”
“No. You risk infection. We are not saving them when you need them now.”
Grumbling, I take the foil pack from his hand and slurp down the bitter stuff, because he’s not wrong.
I just sincerely hope we don’t wish we’d saved them.
“We have one left,” he says, closing the tacklebox. “Now tell me about your favorites. I will not make fun of you, I swear.” He raises three fingers and holds them sideways.
“Three?” I cock my head at him.
“It’s a symbol of honor with my people. Stop changing the subject.”
“Fine,” I exhale. “My favorite are the alienabductionfanfics.” The words bleed together as I say it as fast as I can.
He leans forward, his dark hair falling around his face. “What? I did not understand.”
“Alienabductionfanfics.” It comes out even faster.
“It is not translating.” He points to his ear. “You might have to explain it differently.”
I’m saved from that particular mortification by swirling, glowing dust motes. They rotate like a tornado, casting a green light as they fuse together, moving faster and faster.
“What fresh hell is this?”I screech and hop into Rex’s lap, which is probably stupid, because now his hands are full of me instead of weapons.
The light solidifies, making a shape that’s vaguely hominid.
“Good evening, contestants. I’m here to present you with a special luxury reward challenge for your evening.” The face in the light is spooky, a cross between a person and a freaky noseless mask.
That voice, though. I recognize it.
“Ken?” I ask, my voice ratcheting up a few octaves.
“The one and only,” he says cheerily.
“Ken No Privates?” Rex stands up, still holding me as he circles around the figure of light.
