Page 1 of Rhymes with Metaphor
Chapter 1: Juliet’s Party
Martin drove out ofthe underground parking garage of Reg’s building and up into the sunlight.Beside him, Reg winced, shielding his eyes with his forearm.
“I’ve been calling you all week,” said Martin.“I thought I’d find you dead.”
Despite having a shower at Martin’s insistence (as Reg had reportedly smelled “like the primate house at a zoo”), Reg felt like he’d been exhumed.He flipped the sun visor down and fumbled in his pockets for a cigarette and lighter.“Time?”
“Six,” said Martin.
“Morning or evening?”
“Evening.Jesus, Reg, when did you last go outside?”
“What day?”
“Saturday.”Martin glanced at him.“The twenty-ninth.”
“Month?”
“March.And if you ask me what year it is, I’ll have you sectioned.”
“Well,” said Reg, lighting his cigarette and taking a massive drag, “I won’t ask, then.”
Martin pointedly lowered the passenger side window.“You need to be on your best behaviour.”
“Why?Where are we going?”
“Juliet’s birthday party.I left a message on your voicemail about it a week ago.And three days ago.And yesterday.”
“Who’s Juliet?”
“The girl I met last month at the grad student mixer that you were too hung-over to attend.The one who’s doing her doctorate in clinical psychology.”
“Doesn’t ring a bell.”
“Juliet.Juliet Pettifer.”
“Pettifer, rhymes with metaphor?”
“Not quite.”
“Poetic licence.Anyway, I’ve never heard of her.”
“Yes, you have.I’ve told you all about her.She’s invited me to her party tonight.”
“So why is my presence necessary?Clearly, you want to get off with her.You don’t need my help for that.”
“When she invited me, she said I could bring someone, I assume to find out if I’m seeing anyone.”
“You could just tell her you’re single.”
“I can’t do that,” said Martin.“That would dispel the air of mystery I’ve been cultivating.Women love a man with an air of mystery—I read that in a women’s magazine.”
“Ah, the source of all wisdom.”
“Stop it, Reg.If I bring another man to this party, I’ll be letting her know I’m single without coming right out and saying it.That’s why I’m bringing you.”
“Why me in particular?”
