Page 149 of Save You
All the same, there’s only one person I want to see tonight.
And that person has been ghosting me for weeks because I pushed her away.
OK, so I see Ruby at school all the time, but I miss her.
I want her to be able to look at me again without the pain making her flinch.
I want to be able to talk to her, whenever and wherever.
I want to know if she got an offer from Oxford.
“Nothing about the corporate culture of Beaufort’s will change after the death of my wife,” my father plows on.“She is the foundation that our success is built on.When Cordelia and I first met, she told me what it meant to join this company, and it is my intention to honor her memory.”
Applause rings out.I clap my hands twice, then sneak aglance at the message that’s just come in from Cyril.We’re at Wren’s.When tf are you coming?He adds a photo of them all sticking up their middle fingers.
Looks like I don’t have a choice.I’ve got to join them after this meeting.I’ve ditched them too often lately, and it won’t hurt to take my mind off things.Off this situation.And, mainly, off Ruby.Whatever I do, she’s always in my head.She’s the only person who’d get how I hate sitting here and listening to Dad talk about how he’ll manage Mum’s life’s work.I told Ruby everything that night in Oxford.Those are thoughts I won’t even let myself think, and it was the first time I’d ever said them out loud.
Ruby understood.She didn’t talk about my sense of duty or what my name means.She listened to me and encouraged me.Encouraged me to think about a future of my own.
The longer I sit here, the more I long to see Ruby.And the more often I tell myself that it’s impossible, the stronger that yearning gets.
I have to see her.
I just have to.
“I am not just speaking for myself here.My son, James, who, as of now, will be learning the ropes for his future position at Beaufort’s and, incidentally, received an offer from Oxford this week, also shares my ambitions.”
I look up at the sound of my name and the subsequent applause.There are some friendly nods, but other board members are very well aware that I’ve got my phone in my hand under the table and are pulling disapproving faces.I stare coolly back at them, not putting my phone away.
“Would you like to say a few words, James?”asks my father.
I look at him, trying not to reveal my surprise.He didn’tmention anything before the meeting about me making a speech.His expression is unwavering and as cold as ice.If I don’t speak up now, there’ll be hell to pay.
Fucking arsehole.He knew perfectly well that I wouldn’t have come if he’d told me in advance that he was planning to parade me like a racehorse.So he just threw me under the bus.
I stand up slowly, slipping my phone back into my pocket.I squint at my untouched glass of water and regret not having drunk anything earlier.As I look around the room, my throat is tight.I’ve known some of these people since I was a kid, but there are others I only met at Mum’s funeral.
I clear my throat.It feels like my mind and body are totally separate as words that mean nothing at all emerge from my lips.
“If my mother were here today, she would be proud to see the drive and determination that you are putting into our company.”
I haven’t a fucking clue if Mum would have thought that.I didn’t ever really know her.
Something in my chest clenches.For a moment, I consider running out, without another word, but I can’t.The only way out of here is to get through the next hour.Whatever it takes.
“I am looking forward to a future where I can follow in Mum’s footsteps, doing what she loved and devoted her life to.I can never fill her shoes, but I can at least do my best.”
My gaze meets my father’s.I wonder if he can see the lie in my eyes, and if he clocks that I’m just putting on a show here.Because that’s all it is.A show where everything is rehearsed and nothing is real.
There doesn’t seem to be enough room in my chest for oxygen—it suddenly feels so tight that it’s hard to breathe.Again, I think about Ruby.Ruby telling me that I can do what I want.Ruby, who made me believe in a life where I have options and can choose my own path.
“I can say with true conviction that with all of you as colleagues, the future will surely be crowned with success.”
I nod to everyone around the table and sit down.Some of the disapproving glares have softened during my speech, and they all clap again.
I dare to glance at Dad and a shudder runs through me.He gives me a nod, clearly satisfied with my words.I’ve never felt more like a puppet.
14
