Page 1 of As I Am
CHAPTER ONE
Ky rolled off Carson's warm body, drawing a gasp from the man beneath him as his cock fell free of Ky's ass. The dampness on the sheet was cold against his skin as he sat up at the edge of the bed.
"Stay." Carson's fingers traced down Ky's spine.
"I can't. I need to go." Ky, glanced over his shoulder at Carson, his gaze traveling over his muscular body.
"Your eyes say you want to stay." Carson rolled the condom off his cock as he stared at Ky.
It was true, he did want to stay, but he couldn't. He needed to be back at the shelter before his brother, Bryan, was out of school. Still, it was tempting to linger for just a few more minutes. He shook his head, reminding himself that Carson was just another customer. It didn't matter that he wasn't like the other men Ky sold his body to. He was still just an easy way to make a few bucks. It didn't matter that Carson had made him actually feel special. He'd only known the guy for two hours, and he'd probably never see him again once he walked out the door.
Ky stood, unashamed of his nakedness as he looked down at Carson. "I'd like to, but I have to be somewhere."
"If it's someone else, I can pay you twice what he would." Carson ran his hand over the sheet, where Ky had just moved from. "Stay."
Ky kneeled on the bed, moving beside Carson, but was careful not to touch him with his body. If he did, he might not leave. Carson had treated him like a lover, not some piece of meat like other men did. For a while, Ky was able to escape the reality of his own life and imagine that he was with someone who loved him. Carson had made sure that Ky had enjoyed the experience just as much as he did. It was rare for a man to even bother to make sure Ky got off. More often than not, once the guy finished, he was the one zipping up his pants and walking out, leaving Ky naked in bed.
He bent and softly kissed Carson, enjoying one final moment with him before he had to leave. As he sat back, Ky smiled. "It's not another customer. It's personal. I'd stay if I could, but I really can't."
Carson sighed as he rolled to his side and stretched to grab his pants from the side of the bed.
Ky watched, enjoying the way the muscles in Carson's ass flexed as he moved. He wished most of his customers were as hot as Carson was. It was rare that he found pleasure in looking at the men he was with. Carson's body was a work of art, making Ky wonder what he did for a living, and why he was picking up men off the streets for sex. A man like Carson wouldn't have any problem finding a lover if he wanted one. He wasn't like the closeted, married men who Ky usually met.
"Like the view?" Carson asked, drawing Ky's attention from his ass.
"It's beautiful." Ky fisted his hands in his lap to keep from reaching out and touching it. He really needed to go. Carson was too tempting, and he didn't have time to stay, no matter how much he wanted to.
Carson rolled onto his back as he pulled several bills out of his wallet. "If I want to see you again, how do I find you?" He handed the money to Ky.
"If I'm free, I'm usually in the same area you found me today. I wish I could give you more information, but I can't." Ky fisted the money as he climbed off the bed and searched for his clothes.
"Do you have a phone?" Carson tossed his wallet on the nightstand and eased back against the pillows, his brown eyes watching as Ky pulled his pants up.
"No." Ky pulled his shirt over his head before walking over to Carson and sitting beside him on the bed. He traced his fingers over Carson's chest, wishing he could stay and explore the man some more. "If you ask for Ky, most of the guys down there know who I am."
Carson nodded.
Ky glanced at the clock on the nightstand, seeing he had ten minutes to get to the shelter to get his brother. "I really need to go." He bent and kissed Carson again, enjoying the softness of his lips. Kissing was something he rarely allowed. It was too intimate. He could probably count the men he'd kissed on one hand, but there had been something different about Carson, and when Carson had bent to kiss him when they'd gotten to the room, Ky hadn't turned away from it like he did others. He welcomed it, kissing him back, savoring the seldom-enjoyed affection. "Thank you for treating me like a person." He gave Carson one last quick kiss and stood. With a final glance around the room to make sure he wasn't forgetting anything, he quickly made his way to the door, refusing to look back. Carson was just another customer. Ky needed to forget him or he'd end up comparing all the rest of the men to him, and there just wasn't a comparison.
*****
Carson watched the door close, wishing Ky could have given him just another hour. The sex was great, but what he enjoyed even more was lying beside someone and just having them close. Having Ky get up and leave so soon after sex made Carson feel dirty. Not that paying for sex was exactly normal, but he had wanted to be with someone who wouldn't expect anything of him. Someone who he could be himself around and forget about who the world saw him as. He'd gotten lucky and found someone who hadn't even known him, which made it that much better.
He'd taken a chance picking up a guy off the street. It wouldn't take much for someone to recognize him. Even with a hat and glasses on, his face was well known. He was stupid to take the chance, but now, was so glad he had. Ky was a nice change from the men he was used to.
He stretched, all too aware of how empty the large king-sized bed was now that he was alone in it. He had the room all night. He should have asked Ky to come back when he was free, but something told him that Ky wouldn't have been interested. He was no one to Ky. Just another face. He wondered how often Ky sold his body. He wasn't what Carson had expected for a guy off the streets. Ky was clean, his body solid, not thin and frail looking like some of the other homeless guys he'd seen.
It wasn't like he could judge Ky for having sex for money, or for the number of times he'd done it. Carson was hardly a saint. He had a different lover almost every night while on tour. Some groupie he'd pick up after the show to help work off the post-concert adrenaline. He seldom knew their names. At least he knew Ky's. It would take a long time before he forgot those hazel eyes staring down at him.
He closed his eyes as he wondered what Ky meant by saying, 'thanks for treating me like a person'. Was his life so bad that the guys he was with didn't even respect him? Ky was a fantastic fuck. He'd known just how to work his body to make Carson lose his mind. He'd fought to keep from coming too quickly once he'd sank into Ky's tight body.
It didn't matter now. He'd never see Ky again. He had a week off before the next leg of the tour started. One week of peace before the headaches and stress picked up again, before he was Carson Childs, the star, instead of Carson the man.
He sighed as he remembered how badly he'd wanted to be famous. He worked his ass off trying to get a break, working dive bars, and any other event he could to get seen. He'd been through numerous band members, finally just this year finding a group of people that fit his style and who he hoped would stick around.
He finally made it, but now that he was at the top of the charts, he found he missed his old life. He missed being normal. The fame and money were nice, but in obtaining his success, he'd lost so much more. Other than his family, there wasn't anyone around anymore who let him just relax and be himself. Everyone wanted something from him. From a simple autograph or a photo, to using him for his money or to just be seen with him, everyone around him was out to gain something. Even his friends from when he had been a nobody had changed. They suddenly thought he would buy them everything, take them along to all the parties, give them and their friends tickets to every concert. He'd dropped them all, choosing to go on alone instead of always wondering what someone wanted from him.
Only when he was home did he get a chance to feel normal again. His parents never let him forget where he came from. Carson smiled as he recalled how just the other day his mother had him out mowing her backyard – because he couldn't go out front without fans mauling him – to the way she teasingly tossed the dish rag at him after family dinner, hinting that he would help with the dishes.
