Page 140 of As a Last Resort
“And second, and I know this doesn’t matter anymore, but I’m trying to face the music now instead of just running away so, I’m sorry about how I left before.The whole driveway thing.And for everything I didn’t say that I should have after that.I kind of have this thing with running away when things get hard.That was immature of me to leave like that and I owe you a pretty big apology.I’m sorry.”
He put his hands in his pockets and he continued to look at me like I was a puzzle to figure out.“Okay,” he repeated.Was that the only word he remembered at the moment?A handful of guests quietly loitered around the seafood bar making no effort to hide their attention on us.And I felt my heartbeat in my neck.I didn’t even know that was a thing.I wondered if everyone else could see the weird bobbing pulsing beneath my skin.
“Right, so one more thing.”Into the shredder we go.“I understand this doesn’t mean anything now, but I’m not walking away tonight without you knowing.You were right, about what you said before, about being scared to fall in love with you.Everyone in my life that I’ve loved has somehow let me down, whether it’s their choice to or not.It’s easier to just put a guard up than to constantly wonder when the dreaded moment will come.Orhowit will come, which is even worse.So, I ran in the other direction instead of leaning into what we had, or could have had.”His eyes were so intense, searching my face with a trace of sadness in them.The temperature outside skyrocketed.
“But the truth is, as much as I tried not to care and to not get attached, I did.You said I was scared to fall in love with you.But the truth is, I was scared because I wasalreadyin love with you.”
His chest stilled.
“When I was back in the city, your face was literally on a constant loop in my brain.You were everywhere.You’ve never even been to my apartment but you would lie there with me every single night and the bed was empty in the morning and it was just sosad.It was torture.I am hopelessly in love with you and I’m an idiot for not saying anything sooner.”His eyes widened just a fraction of an inch then he turned his head down, looked at the ground and took a deep breath.Maybe if this had come earlier there would have been a different reaction, but I needed to wrap it up and make a beeline for my car.I said what I needed to and now I was just unnecessarily embarrassing myself.
“But I know, I know, it’s totally irrelevant now because you’ve moved on.If you want to be with Snow White, then fine.I get it—the history, the doe-eyed thing, whatever.”
“Who’s Snow White?”I heard Patrick ask someone.
“TheVword,” Lexi whispered back.
I forgot they were standing there.I glanced over and Mary Kay and Bill were standing behind Lexi and Patrick, with about ten other people who were pretending not to listen to our conversation.They quickly looked away when I spotted them.Apparently, there was something very interesting in Mary Kay’s champagne glass.
“TheVword?”Patrick whispered back.“What’s theVword?”
“Vanessa, for God’s sake,” I answered, plowing forward.“And thebaby.That’s a whole other thing obviously.A whole otherlivingthing but I didn’t want you to not know and just settle for her.In case that’s what you’re doing.I mean, trying to work it out with your baby momma is notsettlingnecessarily but—”
“Vanessa?”he asked.
It’s not like I had anything else left to hide at that point so I let it all out.“I drove by your house earlier.To apologize.But I sawher car there.And her doing the leaning thing on your kitchen counter.”
“Wait, you came to my house?”
“Yeah, and she was doing the whole,I’m here, look at me leaning on your counter all glowy like Snow White with a better rackor whatever.”
“And did you see anyone else there?”he asked, eyes still locked on mine.
“I’m not mad.It’s not like we were exclusive or anything.But I just assumed since she broke your heart before, you wouldn’t give her another chance.And you doing the same thing to Tom that he did to you just seems so outside your wholevibebut—”
“Well, and the baby.”He smirked.
“I overheard you in your room.I know she’s pregnant.You would think two adults who understand how that works could prevent that, but again, whatever.I understand both parents are a necessary equation when trying to raise a kid into a well-rounded contributing member of society.You need to do what’s right for your baby.”
“Mybaby?”Austin asked.
Patrick gasped.
“Austin Francis Marcs,” Mary Kay said sternly.
“Mom, shush,” Lexi whispered.
“Umm, yes.Your baby.”I looked around and noticed how many people were standing near us, watching my demise.I lowered my voice.“I mean, I get it, she was originallyyour fiancée, but admittedly it’s a little shocking, I mean, geez, Austin, she’smarried…”
Austin was smiling.“So you think Vanessa and I hooked up and now she’s pregnant?With my baby.”
I looked at Lexi.She was biting back her smile.
“She’s pregnant,” Austin paused.“WithTom’sbaby.They cameto tell me before I heard it through the grapevine.Thought they owed me that much.”
Wait, what?
I looked at Lexi.“Sorry!”she whispered.“I kind of thought you had it wrong but then the speeches and, well, I didn’t want to mess with the whole grandstand movie moment for you two when you realized you were wrong.”
