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I laugh bitterly. "Well, I'm stuck here, so you better stop talking to me and get on with your job. It's no use."
"Iamdoing my job," he replies softly. "I'm a doctor, and I can see when someone is in pain. Talk to me, Louise. Tell me how you feel, then we can work on a solution."
He's trying to comfort me, but his words have the opposite effect. How dare he assume that he knows anything of my pain!
I saw my friends die, all of them, without warning. Their screams are still ringing in my ears. I can still feel the touch of their weak hands in mine, before they got too frail to even grasp my hand. They're gone and I am here. With six men who are all wrong. They were supposed to be my family, my lovers, my partners. But they're not. They're refusing to be what they should be. It's them who're behaving strangely, not me.
If only they'd admit that they're deceiving me, then I could forgive them and we could move on. We could go back to what we were before they woke up.
"We can reduce your tasks," he suggests, "I don't want you to be stressed. We'll cope, don't worry. All we want is for you to get better."
There it is. They're trying to get rid of me! They want to undermine my authority. With them being newbies, I am the one who's in charge, at least until they all know their way around the station and all that needs doing. They don't need much help, but so far, it's been clear that I'm the leader. None of the previous commanders are still alive, and neither are their deputies. It's just me and my men. The men. They're no longer behaving like they're mine. Hopefully, they'll soon see the truth again.
But not if they dispose of me.
I jump up, anger rushing through my body. My mind goes blank for a moment as I struggle to keep my emotions under control. They're bubbling up, threatening to pull me under, but I can't lose it now. I just need to get away from Han's judging eyes and then I'll be okay. I'll get through this, just like every time. Every day.
A sound on the other side of the thin wall alerts me that Han must have got up. No, he's not going to stop me.
I rush out of the room, evading his reaching arms, running away, along the corridor. I don't know where I'm running and I don't care, as long as it's away from him. From all of them. I've managed to survive on my own for so long, I'll continue doing so.
I know the station better than Han, but he's faster. Months of malnutrition and lack of exercise have left their mark on my body and I’m out of breath before I've even reached my next hiding place.
The doctor corners me at the entrance to the suit room. It's where we keep the suits we need to go outside, and where I feel less alone. The suits may not be filled with people, but they look like it. Humans, unmoving, not responding, but listening. I spent a lot of time in here, before the men arrived. If you half close your eyes and squint a little, it almost looks as if the suits are real.
Today, they seem dead. A deep sadness grips my heart when I think of how hollow and empty they are. No humans to occupy them anymore. Cursed to hang here, unused, unloved.
"Why are you crying?" Han asks softly, stopping two feet away from me. I'm glad he's not trying to touch me. I'd likely break down in a heap of tears.
I gingerly touch my cheeks and suck at my wet fingers. I really am crying.
"They're alone," I whisper.
Han looks at me strangely.
"Who's alone?"
Now it's my turn to stare at him. Can't he see? Can't he feel the desolation of this room?
I shake my head in frustration. If he can't understand, then he's not worth my time. I try to leave, but he stretches out his arms, blocking my way.
"Please, talk to me," he begs, and the softness in his voice makes me stop. Does he really care? Maybe this isn't a plot to get rid of me. Maybe he wants to help me. But do I need help?
I shake my head. It's all so confusing. My thoughts are scrambled and I can't grasp the ones that matter. The ones that tell me what's real and what isn't.
Without thinking, I slam a fist against my forehead to detangle my thoughts. It hurts and gives me a moment of clarity. It's gone far too quickly, so I want to do it again, but a hand on my arm stops me.
"Don't do that, Louise," Han says gently and presses my arm down until it's hanging on my side where it should be. Did I just hit myself?
"I'm not sure what's going on," I whisper hesitantly. "But I don't know if I can trust you."
The words are out before I can stop them. He shouldn't know that. I shouldn't be telling him anything. He's dangerous, they all are. They're not on my side like I thought they would be.
"You can trust me. We're all in this together. I know everything is different from how it was planned, but we're stuck here now and have to work with what we have. And for now, that's the seven of us. We have to work together, and for that, we need to trust each other. How can I help you trust me, trust us all?"
"You're so different," I mumble. "It's confusing."
He frowns slightly.
