Page 6 of Hidden
We don't need a geologist. We need another engineer, or a botanist, or some more really strong people who can lift things that are too heavy for me. Basically, everything but a geologist.
I'm useless. My research was interesting once, before the virus came and the Drowning happened on Earth. Now, nobody is interested in Mars' history anymore. They're busy trying to survive, just like us. There's no time for science that doesn't help humanity in this very moment.
"I'm here!" Bastian shouts from the opposite end of the room. I slalom my way around the pipes and rattling machines until I find our mechanic. He could just as well be sitting in a garage on Earth. There's oil smeared all over his forehead where he must have wiped away the sweat. The station is climate-controlled, but in this room it can easily get too hot.
I hand him a bottle of water and he takes it gratefully, downing half in one gulp.
The men still haven't got used to us not having a lot of water up here. It's precious. Our showers reuse almost all of the water, and even our urine is recycled, just like they do on the space stations. They told us that one day, they might find a more effective way of producing water on Mars, but I doubt that will happen. They have far too much water on Earth and couldn't care less about the seven of us having one-minute showers.
"Thanks."
Bastian wipes his mouth and gives me a wide grin. His fringe has grown and hangs almost into his eyes, but he's promised me he'll let me cut it soon. He laughed when I told him that I got frustrated by that stray lock on his forehead back when he was in the pod. He said it's cute. I kicked him for patronising me until he agreed that I was going to give him a haircut. I can't wait.
"How's it going?" I ask, pointing at the assortment of tools he's got lying next to him. I don't know what half of them do, but that's why I'm not a mechanic.
"I found the reason for the weird smell in the greenhouse," he says proudly. "And right now I'm debating which tools I need to fix the rover."
Excitement bubbles up in me. "We're going to repair the rover?"
I'm tempted to jump up and down. It broke at the same time as the virus began to spread, so nobody ever fixed it. I tried and failed miserably, leaving me with no way to move away from the station. I can walk, of course, but the Mars suits are cumbersome and heavy. Driving in the rover gives a much greater feeling of freedom and adventure.
As the station geologist, I did a lot of exploring when we first arrived. I charted the landscape surrounding us and took note of the sediments in our vicinity. You never know what materials you may find a use for. The most important thing to find though was ice. There are layers of ice deep beneath the Martian surface, but the challenge is to find a spot where you don't have to drill too deep to reach them.
I developed a tool for that back on Earth, probably one of the reasons they chose me to become a settler.
"I'll give you the full tour," I promise with a big smile. "There are some beautiful spots nearby, including the Pinnacle."
It's a rock formation I christened right after arriving, and my favourite place to go. It's stunning and alien and magnificent at the same time. It's one of those places you want both for yourself but also share them with others. I'd only taken two people there before, Maggie and Alfie, two of my best friends.
For a moment, I can feel Maggie's hand clutching my wrist and hear her screams of pain - I shudder.
"What's wrong?" Bastian asks immediately, studying me closely.
"Flashback," I sigh, and he nods in understanding. Two weeks ago, Han talked to the other men, explaining how I was getting these sudden memories crashing into me all the time. Sometimes it's images, voices, smells. Anything can trigger them, but they've become less intense since I no longer have to hide them.
Strangely enough, showing them my craziness is making me feel better. Not that I let them see everything, of course not. Han knows the most; we talk every day. He's somehow turned into my therapist, and through that, my friend. I've come to trust him - well, most of the time. In my less lucid moments, I forget that he's on my side and accuse him of all sorts of things, but he manages to just forget and forgive those episodes.
What helps is keeping myself busy. Spending too much time alone and burrowed in my own mind is dangerous. Which is why I'm here, trying to be amongst people.
Well, one of them. Bastian, the man who's got that tiny smile on his lips just now while his eyes still have a slight air of concern to them. His face is an open book and I love that about him. I don't think he's good at keeping secrets, which means he can be trusted.
"Want to talk about it?" he asks but I immediately shake my head. Definitely not.
"How long until the rover is fixed?" I change the topic and luckily, he doesn't call me out on it.
"I don't know what's wrong yet, but it could be anything between an hour and a week. Want to come?"
"I'm not sure how much use I can be, but if you want some company..." I let my voice trail off, not wanting to be too forward. It's still strange to know that the men never talked to me. It was all in my head. I thought we had a relationship, that they had feelings for me, and coming to terms with the disappointment of it all being an illusion is still hard. I'm trying to be just friends with them, but sometimes, my heart betrays me and I have to be careful with what I say. I shouldn't flirt with them, no matter how much I want to.
Friends, we're friends. Nothing more.
Those memories are fake, Louise.
Friends.
"Company sounds good," Bastian smiles. "And you can tell me if the sound of the engine is like you remember it to be, if I get it to start."
"Sounds like a plan."
