Page 26 of Penance
Theo
Iwait five seconds—long enough for the door to swing shut behind Lily—before I am out of my seat and chasing after her.
Abigail watches me with a gleam in her eye while Eric glares, but I ignore them both, too focused on the woman who walked out of here with her head held high. She didn’t fool me. I saw the hurt warring with stubbornness in her eyes.
In three long strides, I’m at the door, and I only hesitate a second before I’m through it and chasing after her.
Somewhere in the back of my brain, rational Theo is yelling at me to stop, but somehow, when it comes to Lily, rational Theo always seems to get shoved into a box.
I don’t have to chase Lily very far. She’s standing just outside the door with her back leaning against the lockers. Her shoulders are hunched forward, and her hands rest on her knees. She’s the picture of defeat, but there’s also an openness about her now that no one is watching. It’s like getting a glimpse through a crack in a door to the real Lily—the one who isn’t as hard as she would have some people believe.
When she hears my footsteps, though, that door slams closed. Vulnerable Lily is gone, and in her place stands a woman determined to hide what she sees as weakness. It’s a shame, though, because I likevulnerable Lily.
“What do you want, Theo?” She asks, her top lip tilting up into a snarl, and I have to bite back a grin because it turns out I like this version of her too.
And I shouldn’t— I really, really shouldn’t.
“I wanted to check on you,” I say, shoving my hands into my pockets so I don’t look like such a fool. “What happened back there wasn’t right.”
Lily laughs, but it’s not her real laugh. I know because I’ve spent many hours trying to get her real laugh out of my head. I’ve only heard it once. It was after Hayes brought Tanner home when he ran away, but that one time was enough to make a man crave more.
“Which part?” she asks, standing up and swiping her hands down the front of her shirt as if to smooth the nonexistent wrinkles. “The part where I, the high school principal, had no idea we were hiring you to fill a position that I was supposed to be included in filling or the part where I basically got fired? Which of those shouldn’t have happened, Theo?”
She’s angry, and I’m her punching bag—but that’s okay. Sometimes, we all need to throw a good punch to feel better.
Holding her gaze the whole time, I shrug and say, “All of it.”
It’s that simple. From experience, Lily is a great principal. She cares about her students, my son included, and what Eric did back there was a power play because she chose to stand on my side when things went down with Tanner last year. She’s paying because my ex-wife and her husband’s egos are more important than my kid’s safety and happiness. Lily doesn’t deserve this—any of it—yet she’s been dragged into it unwillingly because of me. This is only a small example of why I need to stay away from her, but I can’t because, unfortunately, Tanner needs her…Ineed her.
My answer must catch her off guard because her eyes narrow, andshe watches me suspiciously.
“Great. Now that that’s settled, if you’ll excuse me—” she says, trying to step around me to leave, but I move with her. I can’t let her go, not yet.
“I–uh—I meant to check on you after the fire, but things at the station have been—busy,” I say, offering an excuse we both know is just that—an excuse. “Besides the obvious, how have you been, hopeless?”
I’m desperate to stall, to keep her in my orbit now that she’s here.
Lily crosses her arms across her chest, and I’m not sure if it’s because I’m blocking her way or because of the use of the nickname—probably both—but either way, I’m lucky she can’t actually throw fire from her eyes. Otherwise, I’d be burnt to a crisp where I stand from the heat of her stare.
“I’ve been spectacular, Theo. Now move.” The sarcasm in her voice is scathing, and I think she intends for it to hurt. But I see it for what it is. It’s her way of protecting herself—pushing away anyone who might get a peek underneath the frostiness she wants people to see.
“I can’t do that, Lily,” I say, using her real name this time because what I’m about to say is important, and I need her to hear it. I step forward, reaching out and gently wrapping my fingers around her wrist. Shock runs from my palm up to my elbow with the contact, and without any real consciousness of what I’m doing, my thumb swipes across her skin. “I know you might not think so, but you’re allowed to be upset. You don’t have to hide that.”
A steel mask slams down over her features, and she jerks her arm out of my hold. I let my hand fall to my side, even though my fingers itch to reach back out, to take one more hit off her proximity, but I manage to keep them still.
“I don’t need your permission to feel things, Theo. Besides, haven’t you heard? I’m the town’s ice queen. I don’t have feelings.”
My brows snap down. “Who told you that?”
“Does that matter? We both know it’s what the whole town thinks. That meeting in there only reiterated that. They might not have said it in those words, but they didn’t have to.”
“That’s not true, hopeless.”
The dullness in her green eyes is enough to know she doesn’t believe what I’m saying.
“It doesn’t matter. Can I go now, or do you plan on keeping me trapped here forever?” Ice has slipped into her voice, but it’s forced, like it’s the only way she can keep herself from breaking. It makes me feel worse about what I’m about to ask, and for a minute, I debate moving out of her way and letting her go—but in the end, I can’t.
“Actually, I needed to speak to you about something.”
