Page 97 of Penance
He hesitates for a second before taking the papers, and I hope that when he’s done reading them, he understands that forgiveness doesn’t make you weak. It puts the power in your hands. It’s through Tanner’s story that I finally see that.
Chapter 35
Theo
Sirens break through the silence of the night, and red and blue lights flash behind me.
I’m sitting in my truck outside the only bar in Benton Falls. I’ve been sitting here for three hours, and by this point, someone has probably called the cops for loitering. Although I’m not even sure that’s a law in Benton Falls. If it is, a lot of people would be arrested—Ethel included. She’ll hang around anywhere for some gossip.
A car door opens and then closes, and I let my head fall into my hands, groaning.
I don’t know why I came here. This is the closest I’ve been to a bar since I stopped drinking, but after everything the last couple of days, I needed a reminder that I am no longer that man.
A rap at my window has me pulling my head from my hands and looking up, only to find Hayes Miller, staring back at me.
His usual good-natured smirk is nowhere to be found, and he’s staring at me with genuine concern in his eyes.
Unlocking my window, I roll it down and wait.
“What’s going on, Theo?” Hayes asks. His eyes sweep the car as if he is looking for something suspicious. Alcohol. Drugs. Something worse. My face burns with humiliation. Of all people to find me here, it had to be him.
I started taking hits seventeen years ago, and they’ve been coming ever since.
Have a kid with the wrong girl…punch…She takes him away for half his life.
Sober up…jab…It’s not enough. People still expect you not to stick around.
Have a chance to make amends and build a relationship with my kid…slap…it’s all taken away due to other people’s selfishness and pride.
Fall in love with a girl who won’t let herself love me back…another punch…and that one nearly knocked me out.
Now I’m waiting for the final blow to land next week—for Tanner to tell the judge he no longer wants to stay in my home—and when that happens, I don’t know if I’ll have the drive to get back up.
Looking away from Hayes, I grip the steering wheel and stare out my front windshield. “Thinking.”
“This is not the place to do it, man,” Hayes says sadly. “Not for you.”
I snort because it’s funny that he thinks he knows me. The pity in his voice should anger me—it’s obvious he knows about my addiction, though that shouldn’t come as much of a surprise in this town—but I can’t muster up the energy to feel much of anything. Not since the ballgame. Tanner hasn’t been home since. Morgan won’t speak to me. Mia was taken from Morgan. And Lily—I fell in love with her so hard, I didn’t even see the ground coming.
“Are you going to arrest me, boy wonder? Or will you leave me in peace? Because the way I see it, I haven’t broken any laws.”
“You want to know what I think? Hayes asks, and I chuckle, the sound a dark warning.
“No, but I’m sure you’ll tell me anyway.”
Out of the corner of my eye, I see him shrug. “You’re right. I am. I think that you’re here so you can punishyourself.”
My chuckle is more than a warning now.
“And who gave you your psychology degree?” I ask, turning to look at him with malice in my gaze.
Hayes smirks. “The university I attended. Had to get some kind of degree so they’d let me play football.”
I start to laugh, but Hayes’s face is serious. He’s not kidding.
“Well, aren’t you just full of surprises, Miller. Really a boy wonder. No wonder my kid likes you better.”
Hayes growls, and I realize I’ve struck a nerve.
