Page 49 of Home Town Advantage
She swallows. “It’s now been five long years since she lost her son. I think all the things he’ll never get to do hit her particularly hard this year. It never gets easier.” She places her hand over her heart. “I can’t imagine the pain of losing a child ever goes away. It’s a never-ending nightmare. They don’t get to wake up and have Finn home safe and sound.”
I shake my head. “I know firsthand that the pain doesn’t go away.”
She nods in understanding. “I know, sweetie. Will you be with the Humblecuts today?”
“Yep. I’m leaving for brunch with them in a few minutes before we head to the stadium.”
She smiles. “Tell them I said Merry Christmas.”
“I will. Is Dad around?”
She looks out the window. “I don’t see him. He’s at the stables feeding the horses. He gave everyone the day off, so he’s running around like a madman, making sure the animals are taken care of.”
“What about MeeMaw?” That’s what I call my grandmother who now lives with my parents.
My mother looks to the side and then whispers, “Her little habit cost us over a thousand dollars last month.”
I can’t help but let out a laugh. For some inexplicablereason, my eighty-five-year-old grandmother has a paid porn addiction. I’ve tried to explain to her how easy it is to access free porn, but she has her favorite channels and refuses to make the change. She says the paid channels and websites are “interactive.” I have no idea what that means, and I don’t want to. I’ve never told a soul about it. I can only imagine the shit I’d get if my teammates found out.
“Send me the bill.”
She shakes her head. “No, we’ll cover it. You should see what she’s into these days. That’s one dirty old woman.”
I hear my grandmother’s voice shout, “Is that Vancy pants?”
I chuckle at her nickname. She makes new ones up for me constantly. I yell back, “Yes, MeeMaw. It’s your favorite grandson. Merry Christmas.”
Half her face appears on the screen because the two of them don’t know how to manage to get both their full faces on the screen at the same time, and I’ve given up trying to explain it to them.
I see her lips turn up when she sees me. She shouts out, “Vance, I fartled in my sleep last night.”
“Oh, Mother, stop it,” my mom chastises as she playfully swats MeeMaw’s arm.
I shake my head. “I’m afraid to ask. What’s that?”
MeeMaw winks. In her always loud voice, she explains, “When you’re startled awake by a loud fart. It’s all downhill after eighty, Vancy pants. I can no longer control my bodily noises. The good thing is I can’t hear it half the time anyway. That’s how loud the fart was. It may have left a mark on my panties.”
“Mother!” my mom screams in embarrassment.
I laugh hysterically, like I always do at MeeMaw. She’s one of the handful of people who can always bring a smile to my face.
She squints at the screen. “There’s the smile my handsome grandson should show more often. You never smile when Iwatch you on the tube. Even on the movie-screen-sized one you installed in the living room, you’re always frowning.”
She was having trouble seeing the old television with her vision fading, so I recently had a ridiculously oversized TV put in for her because I know she loves to watch me play.
“When you see me on television, I’m focused on my games. That’s my game face.”
She shakes her head. “Focus on finding a wife. I need great grandbabies before I enter the porny gates.”
“The pearly gates, MeeMaw,” I correct.
She winks. “Suuuuure.”
I sigh. “This has been fun. I’ve got to run. I wanted to wish you all a Merry Christmas. Your gifts are under the tree. I’ll be home for a visit whenever our season is over.”
We say our goodbyes, and I head out to brunch with my favorite crazy family.
“Yo mama is so fat;I took a picture of her last Christmas and it’s still printing,” Hank says to an unflinching Daylen.
